The Person Behind The Shadow…

I’m really proud of my newest self portrait…

Years ago, I was doing these weird memes (for lack of a better term) on deviantart…

One day I saw one of my artist friends had put up a real picture of themselves and it got me thinking… Maybe it would be nice to let people know a few things about me. So I made my own thing titled “The Person Behind The Art”. I felt it was important for everyone to know who it was that was drawing all this stuff they were looking at. I’m sure people were surprised to find that, for someone who draws some pretty twisted shit, I’m really pretty normal…

Sorry, this is the closest you get to a real picture…

Sorry for the blur, but if I show my face, it takes away some of the mystery, right?

I was around 22 when this picture was taken. I love this picture… I was still living at home and my room was in the attic. It was big enough that I had the small area for my bed (against that lovely wood accent wall) and the rest of my room was like a living room. As you can see, even as a young adult, I still loved stuffed animals, I had 101 Dalmations sheets and loved funky socks (these are Animaniacs). Not much has changed, except my age… and my weight. I was very thin back then…

I still love stuffed animals…

This big guy I named Brother Louie… Weird name, I know. It’s actually a song title I use when people ask me how old I am. I tell them I came out the same year as “Brother Louie” because most people don’t know that song, let alone what the fuck year it came out. It seemed like a good name for a giant teddy bear that only cost me $20…

As for my reasons behind buying him… Well, I do love stuffed animals. No matter how old I get, I’ll always buy them. I still have ones from when I was very little. Although I had an ulterior motive for buying Brother Louie. At the time, the area I lived in was hit with a storm. Not a particularly bad one, but, thanks to the shitty electric company that services the area, there was a huge grid that had no power for a week (which I was on) and it was November. It was freezing cold! No matter how many blankets or layers of clothes, I was freezing my ass off! Brother Louie was like an extra blanket I threw over myself to keep warm.

As I said in a prior entry, I’m a sucker for Japanese things… Food, music, culture… and kokeshi dolls.

This is a very old picture… At this point I probably have about 30 of them and the collection keeps growing. Why? I don’t know… It’s just a weird obsession I happen to have…

Come closer… we want to crack your nuts…

I also have a fetish for Nutcrackers…

I absolutely love the ballet and the music. But as to what started the obsession to collect them? I have no clue. This is also an old picture. I’m sure they number well over 30 at this point and it all started with Otto, the second one in from the right in the back row. Now I have so many that I have no more space to put them all at Christmas. And every year, I get a new one. I should stop…

I also have a fetish for purses and shoes… And don’t get the impression that it’s because I’m female! I know, women stereotypically love purses and shoes… The thing is, I don’t buy expensive shoes like some women. I don’t care if they’re $5, if they’re funky and I like how they look, I buy them. Same thing with purses. One of my favorites is a little pink denim one I bought for $5 because I felt like hot stuff strutting around with it slung over my shoulder. But my all time favorite purse is this one I got off eBay. I do love Coach purses and have fairly many. But since they upped their prices, I haven’t bought any.

I also have a fetish for vinyl…

I’m telling you, there is no other form of music that sounds as warm and beautiful as vinyl… This is also an old picture. I have so many more LPs that I need to build a new crate for. I also have boxes of ones I bought at yard sales or from ads in the paper that I have in storage because I simply have no room at all… At present, I have well over 700 LPs…

In the bottom right corner, you can see the very corner of a long, narrow box that I covered in ugly ass wrapping paper and packing tape (to protect the wrapping paper) that houses around half of my 45s. There’s another box of the same shape and size that sits under that (also covered in ugly wrapping paper and packing tape) that houses the other half or so. The rest I have stored in these small boxes my mother had when she was young (also ugly) that were designed especially for 45s. In all, I have over 700 of these also…

Worse, my collection just keeps growing! I can’t stop myself from buying vinyl when I see it, even if I already have it. I have around 4 LPs of the Genesis album Abacab simply because the color schemes are all different…

I have unhealthy attachments to my cars… Setsuna, here, was the first brand new car I ever had (the white one next to him was my Geo Metro, George). When he was totaled, I cried like a baby and kept apologizing, even though it was the other bitch’s fault. I also have this weird habit of naming my cars. My first car I named Jezebel (it was a fucking Jezebel, piece of shit…), next was George, then Setsuna. My current car is Sasuke, named after one of my characters…

I also have other talents other than art…

As I mentioned before, my grandfather owned a bake shop and my whole family bakes. So do I… I love to bake! It’s very relaxing to me. I also find knitting and needlepoint to be relaxing. I also like to make dolls. I’m good at embroidering faces and creating patterns, but sewing machines and I don’t get along well.

I also play the piano, which is something that seems to surprise even my closest friends for some reason… I’ve been playing since I was very small… I can’t read music very well at all (I need to write the letters for the keys above the music) and most of the time I play by ear because I have perfect pitch. Which means I can pretty much play something on any instrument you give me and, if you’re playing and hit a clunker, I’ll know it and wince. Perfect pitch is fucking annoying sometimes…

I also attended online college for a while…

A word to the wise for anyone considering online college (or even going there), make sure it’s not a for profit college. For the love of God, make sure it’s not a for profit college! I’m still getting screwed financially and I only attended about 5 months until family illness took up my time and I had to drop out. It doesn’t matter, I didn’t learn much anyway. Any dumb fuck can watch YouTube videos and learn how to do shit, their main method of teaching…

So there you have it… Some of the mysteries solved about the cyber-shadow known as kitsu…

Yeah, I know… You learned nothing! Well, like I said, I don’t divulge too much about myself. The things I let you guys know is pretty much all I like to tell people. And I think those things are weird enough!

Oh yes… the picture here on the right is a collage I made of some of my various self portraits I’ve used on the web over the years…

It’s interesting to see how my drawing style has changed over the years and how different some of the programs I used are.

The first 2 were drawn in Manga Studios and colored in Paint Tool SAI (sadly, that program does not come in a Mac version…) The third drawing was done in a program called Art Rage, I think? I forget. I haven’t used it in a long time. The rest were all done in various versions of Corel Painter. When I first began using that program, I was learning slowly what all it could do. Looking back, some of those drawings were awful! But that’s how it is as an artist. You’re constantly growing and changing, learning new things, always improving your style. And it’s the same for myself… I’m always improving and changing…

Don’t Assume…

There are too many options to fill in here…

Have you ever gone somewhere and they make you wear those stupid sticker tags so everyone knows who you are…?

I like to have fun with those… Sometimes I’ll be normal and fill in my name. But it’s much more fun to fill in other things, things that describe you, like “emotionally exhausted”, “morally bankrupt”, or, my personal favorite to use, “anti-social butterfly”. You’d think that one would keep people from approaching you. Yeah, it doesn’t work…

I haven’t been feeling very well the last few days. Now, most of us know if something is wrong. And most of us, after feeling ill for a few days, will go see a doctor to find out what kind of bug we picked up and get medicine to feel better. But there are a few who would rather be extremely ill for months and never see a doctor until it gets way out of hand.

Yesterday I spoke to one such person, a “friend” of mine. She could tell I didn’t sound right and I said I hadn’t felt well for a few days and told her how I’d been feeling. She immediately jumped on me, telling me I needed to stop worrying about everything. When I told her I wasn’t worried, she smugly told me that she knew me and knew I was worried when I honestly wasn’t.

As it turned out, I went to the doctor and really am sick, so my “friend” can bite me.

But it did bring up the question in my head… How can you say you know me (in her case, it was that she knew me all too well) when half the fucking time I don’t even know who the fuck I am?!

But hey, I shouldn’t worry, right? Because, after all, I have people who know me all too well who are more than fucking happy to tell me exactly who I am! Ugh… I can’t even say that it’s frustrating or annoying to have people talk to me that way. It’s more like it pisses me off to the point of violent thoughts, like punching them in the face.

I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t know who I am at all… I do, for the most part. But there are parts of me that I don’t even know I have until they rear their (sometimes) ugly heads.

But if I don’t even fully know myself, how can anyone say that they do…? And that just doesn’t apply to those of us who don’t fully know themselves. Even if you’re fully aware of who you are, no one has the right to tell you that they know you all too well. They don’t… All they know is what you allow them to know, allow them to see. And I think I’ve reached the point where I’ll be snapping out next time…

I Think Smurfs Have Moved In…

A few weeks ago, I bought a big bag of potting soil from the local bargain outlet… Yes, Im cheap. Potting soil is expensive and when you need a put this large, you need a metric shit ton of soil to fill it up. So the bargain outlet it was…

About a week ago, I noticed that mushrooms had sprouted from my houseplant literally overnight. They weren’t there and then poof, they were! I was so puzzled… Either the soil was tainted with mushroom spores or Smurfs moved in overnight… Either way, I think it explains why my plant wasn’t looking so healthy. I had been noticing it was drying out and dying (despite my regular watering) and was confused. I think the mushrooms had a hand in that…

Poor Smurfs… They’re going to be homeless…

This was my picture this morning…

As you can see, the Smurfs are soon to be completely homeless. The mushrooms are dying, now. But it makes me wonder, if they die off, won’t that just spread more spores and make more mushrooms?

Thankfully there is still some green in my plant. It’s not dead yet… Yet, being the operative word… I made sure to water it very little last time, just a splash, really. I’m wondering if the lack of moisture is what’s killing the mushrooms. It’s a great way to kill them off, but not exactly good for my plant. So, I suppose, I’ll have to buy a new plant, dump this huge heavy pot of soil, wash it out good and use more pricey soil this time.

Last night, again, out of nowhere, I noticed that mushrooms sprung up in my repotted violet!

Last night they were rounded on top, like a closed umbrella. This morning they were like open ones. Not to mention that they grew even taller! It’s like there’s nothing there, I blink and then shrooms magically appear! What the actual fuck?! How are they doing this?!

Now, the little terra cotta pot next to this one is also a repotted violet and I used the same soil. Knock on wood, I haven’t had any mushrooms… yet… I’m not sure what to do, to be honest. I’m afraid to pull them out! Mushrooms like these are gross and feel, well, like mush… I’m also afraid of spreading more spores. Fun times! I assume I have to repot everything I just did, damn it…

On the plus side… When I started up my drawing program yesterday (the one that kept saying I had an invalid serial number after I just bought it), it didn’t tell me how many days of the trial I had left or ask for the serial number. Suddenly it was working! And I got to use the 2 new brush sets I bought to make various types of hair and the patterns in the background, to make a new self portrait. See? This is why I love this program! I’m going to have fun with this…!

Lost: My Shit, No Reward If Found

Yesterday was one of those days… I completely and utterly lost my shit…

I know, we all have those days where we feel like we lose our shit. But not everyone loses it to the point that they’re waiting for those nice young men in their clean white coats to come and take them away (haha). Hmm, not sure if you guys know that old tune, “They’re Coming To Take Me Away“… Give it a listen, it’ll make sense… And most people don’t lose their shit to the point where they feel like they want to nap and never wake up…

But that’s what happened to me yesterday…

Now, I love my puppy, Baxter, and I know puppies are a handful and require a lot of patience. They’ll have accidents, they’ll get into everything no matter how much you puppy-proof your home. But yesterday, he had a bad day and was literally ripping his food bag apart and helping himself to kibble and no matter if he went outside to do his business, he’d come in and do it in the house. He has those days, but yesterday went above and beyond…

And my older dog, Miko, is getting completely out of hand… A few years ago, she began growling at the cats for seemingly no reason. Then she began doing it to our late, oldest dog, Nobu. But with Baxter, she takes it to a whole new level of crazy. She acts like a rabid wolf with him sometimes and has made poor Baxter yip a few times. I never see what causes this and there’s never any blood, but I won’t tolerate her shit anymore. She gets a lot of “time outs” in her crate…

Not to mention that I had to call the company that makes the art program I use… Why do I always get someone who has no idea how to speak English?! I could hardly understand this Indian woman! And she, apparently, didn’t understand what I was saying. I got an email stating I could upgrade my current program to the new one for $125 as opposed to the normal $229. All I wanted to do was make sure I wasn’t going to get screwed, but she was confusing. So I clicked the link in the email and, luckily, I got it for that special sale price. But I was wrong thinking that was the end of the issue…

I entered the serial number I was given and, when I entered it, I was told it was invalid. Seriously?! I just shelled out $125 (plus tax) for this program and the number is invalid?! So I called back, got a guy this time who also could not speak English. He was of no help… All he did was make a support tag up and said they’d be emailing me. Yeah, that’s helpful… Worse, I now only have 3 days left of my trial and I have a feeling they’ll drag this out until after July 25th (when the $125 promo is over) and I’ll get screwed. I don’t think so…

And I’m still dealing with this family bullshit… Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that the person who should be doing the work (as executor) isn’t doing a god damn thing. You know who’s doing all the work? The one person who has no part in this, which is me… That a lone irks my nerves, but I’m doing it to be helpful to another family member. The thing is, the “executor” who should be doing the work and is doing jack shit is taking everyone for granted. Now, I’m not a greedy person, I don’t expect payment of any kind. But I at least expect politeness, at least say “thank you” to me. If not… well, I may turn into a greedy bitch…

In a nutshell, this is what happened to me…

I kept my shit, ended up full of shit, I exploded and shit was everywhere, hahaha…

True, nobody wants my shit storms. They tend to get way out of hand and turn into category 5 shit hurricanes. Things get ugly. Real ugly… I’m hoping that today will be better and I won’t lose my shit again. But I make no promises…

I Was Motivated!

It was hot this weekend… And I mean hot! Like the bowels of Hell hot! Satan himself would have said “fuck it” and turned on the AC, it was so hot! Saturday was so bad, the heat index was 115+, which is too much for me. I don’t mind heat so much, but the humidity really wipes me out. I actually get sick when it’s like that and feel as if I’ll pass out. During days like that, I tend to stay inside until it cools off a little.

But Saturday was the yearly craft fair in a neighboring town. I haven’t gone in a few years, and I was pretty perky, so I got my lazy ass up and went, despite the incredible heat. I got there a little after 9AM and it didn’t feel too bad. But 15-20 minutes later, it started to get hot, really fast. By the time I left around 11AM, I was drenched in sweat and sure I lost at least a few pounds…

It was well worth braving the heat!

I have rings on every finger (but not my thumbs) except the index finger on my right hand. I once had someone jokingly say I needed one more for that bare finger. But you know, they were right. It looked weird having a ring on every finger but one, and some have multiple on the same finger.

I was glad, the same vendor I bought a sterling silver anklet from a few years ago was there and I found this really cool “rolling ring”. It’s 3 rings, each with a different word, looped together in such a way that, when you put it on and take it off, it rolls up and down your finger. It’s pretty cool! I’m having fun playing with it and trying to figure out exactly how this thing works. I have yet to figure that out…

I also bought this adorable gem from a stand run by a church.

As soon as I saw it, I knew, it was Princess Leia! The tag confirmed that I was right. I asked the woman there exactly what she was supposed to be used for and she said it was like a security blanket for little ones. Now, I don’t need a security blanket (except the one I wrap myself up in like a tortilla when shit gets real) but… It’s Princess Leia! And I’m a huge Star Wars nerd… Like I could pass up buying something Star Wars! I also bought home made dog cookies for my dogs and was about to buy a Dooney & Burke bag (for status, of course), but I have so many purses and this one was so small… I fought temptation and won for once!

They also had their farmer’s market, as they do every Saturday, so I stopped to see what interesting things I could find…

I ended up buying 2 fresh zucchini to make zucchini bread. If there’s one awesome thing I got from my mom, it was her recipe for zucchini bread. I get asked for the recipe all the time because the recipes they have aren’t quite as good (so I’m told). I bought some carrot cake whoopee pies and I bought the most wonderful bar of patchouli scented soap! I love patchouli; it’s my favorite scent (though most people hate it). It’s a very soothing, relaxing scent and, oddly enough, is a member of the mint family!

Speaking of mint…

I also bought 2 bags of fresh mint (still on the stems). When I was little, we used to go walking in the creek in our backyard picking mint. Then my mother and grandmother would pour boiling water over the leaves, let them steep, then refrigerate it to make iced mint tea. It’s so refreshing on a hot day! As soon as I saw that, I got thirsty for it, so I made myself some tea. I had enough that I had enough to have a large thermos laced with sugar for myself and I took another thermos to my mother while it was still hot so she could get the Splenda she uses to dissolve before she put it in the refrigerator. I thought it tasted absolutely delicious! But I called my mother to confirm and she said the same!

Yes, I was motivated… I bought a lot of things for baking, most of which will keep except the zucchini. Now I just need the motivation to bake…

I actually love baking. Once I start, I find it very relaxing and it makes me happy! I actually come from a line of bakers. My grandfather and his brother both owned their own bake shops and made the best baked goods. My grandmother baked at home, as did my mother, and I also got the baking gene it seems.

But much as I love to bake and find it very relaxing, I just can’t seem to motivate right now…

It’s funny, I get all of one day of motivation, then the next day I end up laying around like a bum, sleeping almost all day. It could be because it was still hot as balls yesterday or because I was out in that heat Saturday. Who knows… But unless I’m in a manic mood, it’s extremely hard to get motivated to do anything. Sometimes if I start doing something, I can get into it and be motivated, but that doesn’t always work. Getting started is the hard part…

Actually, I was kind of in the mood to paint today…

I don’t have any idea in mind, in particular. That’s how it usually is. I just do; I don’t give it much thought before hand. I just start going and take it from there, at least with landscapes. Paintings of people I have to give some thought to before hand.

I also promised myself I would make new paintings for my mother… She has my very first painting on canvas (oh, it’s so bad) and some of my early works that I hate. Sometimes I stare at them when I’m at her house and think, “God, I need to make her better ones…”

Speaking of, I got quite a surprise this morning…

Someone had left comment on my old (as well as my new) self portrait before I dyed my hair purple that I use on my deviant art page. Most people just make a general comment, but this person was specific as to what they liked about this particular drawing. They liked the pose, the glasses (I personally don’t like how I make my glasses in this one) and, in particular, the tattoo. I drew this one soon after I got my tattoo and used a picture someone took for me as reference. It’s a watercolor tattoo of a lily and the kanji for “artist”. It’s nice when someone notices the little details you put in your work!

Indecision Clouds My Vision…

Oh, I stole my title for today’s entry… It just fit what I was feeling, which is, I suppose, why that awful song is now running through my head.

Does anyone remember the band Faith No More? Wait, the better question is, who the hell wants to remember them…? They were a terrible group with awful songs… Anyway, today’s title was stolen from their tune “Falling To Pieces”. God, I hate that song… I don’t know which is worse, that or their song “Epic”… It doesn’t really matter. The point is, that line (and the whole song, really) perfectly describe how I’ve been feeling lately. And now I can’t get that song out of my head. Help!

Indecisiveness is probably one of the worst feelings in the world… I mean, sure, some decisions are difficult. How can you choose between A and B when you like both equally?

But that’s not the indecisiveness I’m facing right now… I’m afraid mine is more of the kind where you’re so fucked up you don’t know whether to scratch your watch or wind your butt (see what I did there, using a line from Steel Magnolias?) I’m seriously in such an indecisive state at the moment that I’m beginning to think my best bet is to get a Magic 8 Ball… With my luck, that’s what I’d constantly get, “Reply hazy, try again later”.

“Am I going to get really fucking fat in the near future…?”

I can’t tell you how often I feel like I’m in my own personal episode of The Twilight Zone…

At the moment, I can really relate to the episode “Nick Of Time” where William Shatner (before he was Captain Kirk) was in a small diner and became so obsessed with this Magic Seer napkin dispenser. For a penny (yeah, nothing is that cheap anymore) it would answer yes and no questions. The answers were so spot on that, eventually, he became anxiously indecisive and couldn’t make decisions without consulting the devil bobble head first. I feel much like he did…

One of the biggest indecisions I’m facing right now is whether or not to fix up my house…

When I moved here… Well, let’s put it this way, the people who lived here before me were rejects. They ripped up all the carpet downstairs and laid cheap linoleum tile. To make my life easier, I’ve been buying cheap area rugs, but this time I decided on a bound carpet remnant. I wanted the cream colored one, but this one was neat with the geometric pattern and it looked more brown in the store. So I spent the extra money to buy the patterned carpet.

But, when I got it home, I realized it was more gray than brownish. I hate gray so much… I’m a warm color type of person. In fact, I hate this carpet so much, I cried the next day and just wanted it out of my house because it matches nothing in it. But it was such a pain to lay out… Now I’m stuck with a carpet I hate, loathe and despise that everyone insists it matches everything. Even my mother said as much yesterday. Is everyone fucking color blind?! The flooring is a warm, honey brown, my walls are a dark rust (the accent walls) and an earthy orange! In what alternate, Bizarro universe does this gray shit match?!

Honestly, I’m really torn about my house right now… I’m torn between wanting to repaint the earthy orange to a better color, putting in real flooring, getting a matching carpet… fixing things that need it and updating things because I can’t afford to sell it and buy a nicer home and saying “fuck it” because why put money into it? It’s a crappy row home in a “hood”. If I sell it, the company that owns like 99% of the other homes here will gut it anyway and they pay less than what the home is worth (which isn’t much).

But, by that same token, if I’m stuck here, I’d really like to make it look how I’d like it to look so I can feel good about my home and not be so depressed…

It’s quite the conundrum, don’t you think…? And besides that, I’m so cheap, I won’t even pay $200 to put in the cheapest new toilet I can find. The water here is very hard and, eventually, everything that has water flowing through it gets destroyed. So far, I’ve had to get a new water heater, have gone through a dozen coffee makers… No matter how well you clean, that limescale will get you every time.

So now I’m beginning to feel indecisive in every aspect of my life… To do home improvements or not? To stay or try to get the fuck out of dodge? Hell, I can’t even decide if I want to go to the yearly craft fair this morning because it’s supposed to be so incredibly hot and humid… I wish my brain would make up its fucking mind already!

The Devil Isn’t Always In The Details…

“The Fallen One” (a white on black study) (c) kitsuyuutsu

The picture on the left is my latest drawing. It hasn’t gotten great reception (because, obviously, the “fallen one” refers to Lucifer). I often draw a lot of things that are dark and tend to upset people. But my views are that morals (amazingly, I have a lot) have no place in art, including mine. You can’t make great art if you can’t push boundaries, after all…

But my reasons for using it today are simply because it suits the title and the content of today’s blog… They always say “the devil is in the details”, but the truth is, people aren’t always looking at the details… They see what they want to see and not what’s really there.

I always thought social media was invented so we could share our thoughts, ideas, views and the good and bad times in our lives with our friends and loved ones. That was the original idea, right…? And, instead, it’s given a license for people in your life to play the role of judge, jury and executioner. They’re everywhere… and closer than you think…

It amazes me that people are so quick to judge…

I’ve had issues quite a few times over the years on “Facepuke”. On occasion, the judgement comes from people I don’t know, replying to my comment on some page or what have you. I admit, it does piss me off, to a degree… These people are judging me as if they know all about me from one single comment (mind you, none of these comments are nasty and are simply my opinion and nothing more). It must be nice to be able to live your life that way, judging people solely on one comment as though you’re so… perfect… I just chalk it up to the fact that they’re assholes who don’t feel good about themselves unless they’re judging and putting down others. They’re pathetic and not worth my time…

But what really pisses me off is when friends and family judge you…

A few months ago, my mother had asked me to not post pictures when I get my hair or nails done or of my new car because it made her boyfriend (who lived with her since I was 12) upset… Seriously?! We’re still doing this, huh…? I wasn’t new to this, mind you. From the time I was 12 until I finally escaped that dysfunctional house, I had to deal with that situation more times than I can count. Don’t do (insert inane thing here) because it will upset the boyfriend… As if I cared… I’d always hated him and purposely pissed him off to try and get him to hit me so my mother would throw him out. I failed… But the point is, at my advanced age, with a home of my own, why should I change things to please him?!

I was so pissed, the next day I made a separate account so I could post what I wanted with no bullshit. And I stewed about it for a few days… Then I confronted my mother and told her I’d made a new account and it was bullshit that I had to, I should feel free to post what I wanted. She agreed, which I thought was odd… Apparently his issue was that I’m not in a good place financially, yet I’m spending money (he was also jealous because he wanted a new vehicle and couldn’t afford it). Why my finances are any of his business, I have no idea.

My mother’s boyfriend isn’t the only one… I have another family member who seems to think my finances are his business and sees me as a problem because I indulge.

The thing that neither of them realize is that I got a really awesome deal on that car and can afford the payments. They also don’t realize that I save my money for things I want. I only get my nails done about every 2 months (by which point, I’m surprised the acrylic is still on) and I save during that time to get them done. It’s my only indulgence. I’m entitled to have one, especially one that I have only every 2 months. As for my hair, I would go years without so much as a cut to save on money, but I grew tired of my hair being so long. As for coloring it… well, I just wanted to go with a funky color like purple before I got to old to rock said look. And I save up for that, too…

This quote is very true…

No one, not even the people closest to me, know me. All they know is what I allow them to know. That’s how I like it and that’s how I’ll keep it.

I’m just tired of getting treated like I’m a horrible person because I’m being judged constantly. Yes, sometimes the devil is in the details… if you’re not really looking at all the details. Don’t be so quick to judge and you may find there is no devil in the full details and that the only devil here is the one who’s playing judge, jury, and executioner…

How Do You Retro…?

This is a question I ask in every single blog I have… I hadn’t thought about writing this yet, but the other day I was driving and saw a pregnant punch-buggy (a.k.a. a Volkswagen bus) from the late 80s/early 90s sporting these flower decals on the front. I was appalled! “Those don’t go on that year pregnant punch-buggy!” I cried out. Yeah, I actually had a moment about it…

Retro, as it’s defined, means: relating to, reviving, or being the styles and especially the fashions of the past : fashionably nostalgic or old-fashioned. Any era can be retro, really… It all depends on your tastes and which era you relate to the most. So, again, I pose this question… How do you retro…?

I retro in the 70s style… Lots of warm colors like yellow, brown, orange, olive green… God yes, it was ugly as fuck, but I love it!

Actually, I think everything from the 70s as far as decor, color schemes and mismatched or ugly ass clothes were based on a dare… But it’s what I grew up with. My parents built our house in ’74 and I’ll never forget the decor… Gold walls with green and gold sculpted carpet and the area above the kitchen cabinets was wallpaper sporting cabbage roses in orange, gold and olive green on a dark brown background. Our rec room had orange walls and a sculpted carpet of mint and white with orange and black flecks. Yeah, it was based on a dare, I’m sure of it…

Look at those hideously gorgeous curtains!

The plus side (yes, there was one) was that colors were warm, none of that modern gray and black shit… I don’t like that look. I also don’t like cool colors in a home. It makes me feel unsettled. I prefer warm colors. They make me feel comfortable and cheerful. Which is why my home has said colors and decor. It’s just more warm and inviting, I think.

I also have a deep love of 70s music. As far as originality, the 70s had it all, man…

Not to mention vinyl… I’m a vinyl fanatic. I literally have over 700 LPs and 45s (no joke). You just can’t get that warmth from a tape, CD or even an mp3 that you do with vinyl. You also can’t find a lot of obscure tunes unless you find it on vinyl. And I find a lot of obscure stuff!

And the 70s had some incredible muscle cars, like this 1973 Mustang. Isn’t it gorgeous?!

I’m… not a normal girl… Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had this love of cars and I wasn’t afraid to climb in an engine and get dirty. I’m the only girl I know that loves to go to car shows and drools over the cars, even ones from the 20s! But nothing beats a beautiful muscle car…

Not everything in the 70s was great (to some). A lot of the clothes were in these hideous patterns and not matching your patterns was no big deal. Personally, I kind of liked it, and I love bell-bottoms. Hell, I’ve got a picture of my father in this ugly satin shirt of light slate blue with weird patterns of burgundy and darker slate blue that he wore with burgundy, polyester bell-bottoms. Scary pictures… Hahahaa… I have a lot of scary pictures like that.

The 70s were also a time for fads…

One of the more popular was roller skating or roller disco. There were things like pet rocks, mood rings, leisure suits *shudder* and, of course, afros. Even white girls rocked the afro look. Big, frizzy hair… You could have a bad hair day in the 70s and not one person would notice because that was the fad back then. Everyone looked like they were having a bad hair day! If only that fad stuck… I spend entirely too much time straightening my frizzy, curly hair…

Butterflies and flowers were pretty big in decor…

This butterfly is one I bought a few years back. It’s actually meant to be outdoor decor, but it was so perfect and retro that I said “fuck it” and hung it in my house. I also have a smaller one that has wings made out of a very sturdy glass. I know this because someone accidentally knocked the small one off my wall and the wings didn’t break. But it was certainly a heart stopping moment…

Another staple of that retro 70s look is the starburst or sunburst clock.

I actually have one like this one pictured on the left, but the face of it is a dull golden color. It used to hang in the home I grew up in and now hangs in my home.

I’m lucky it does… At some point, the clock stopped working and my mother thought it was time for an update. She was going to throw the clock away! I literally cried and begged her to let me have it, but she was adamant that it was going out for trash. So, later that night, I snuck down to the end of our lane, picked it up from on top of a pile of garbage bags and hid it in my closet for years before I finally hung it in my room. Amazingly, when I plugged it in, it began working again and has run ever since! I love that clock so much!

Clothing patterns, like Simplicity, were another popular thing if you were a good seamstress like my mother…

I remember those horrifying trips to Piece Goods… I think she took me along so I could see first hand what hideous material she was going to use for whatever clothing she planned to make for me. Once, she even made matching Christmas outfits for me and my sister, a patchwork corduroy of reds and greens she made into pants and a vest, my sister in a green turtleneck and me in a red one. I have pictures to prove that as well. Scary pictures…

Bell-bottom jeans, platform sandals, decorative mushrooms, owls, starburst clocks, butterflies, warm colors of browns, oranges and yellows, clothes that don’t always exactly match, records, clothes that don’t always exactly match, funky decor, funky clothes… That’s how I retro…

I think most of us have some type of taste for items or fashion of a bygone era. It doesn’t matter which era it is… If you have a penchant for things from another decade, a time that’s from the past, then you, too, know how to retro. If you’re old (like me), maybe you feel nostalgic for 70s or 80s things. If you’re younger, maybe you prefer the 90s. Actually, it scares me when younger people are in love with the shit that was popular around the time I graduated high school. It makes me feel incredibly old! So, I want to know…

Sniff Sniff…

Before I get into today’s randomness, I just wanted to say thank you to all the people who are following my crazy ass blog!

I have a few other blogs out there, floating around… but I never really had any followers. Or anyone who read them, for that matter. It makes you wonder why I kept writing. But I’m glad that some of you are enjoying the weird things I discuss, especially enough to follow me. So thank you very much!

Good grief, I had all of these, and then some…

Today’s randomness is about a blast from my past…

The other day, for some reason, the conversation I was engaged in turned to the topic of Trend scratch and sniff stickers…

For those not as old as me, these were a big whoop-di-shit back in the early 80s. We all went bat shit crazy over these things! We begged our parents to buy us pack of stickers, bought books to place them in (ones they could be easily removed from), we traded, we got them on tests with good scores. Most of them smelled great and you would scratch them until you could no longer see the picture! However, ones like the skunk, the motorcycle (gasoline), the roller-skate, boot and football (leather), the rainbow (dish liquid) smelled disgusting and you only scratched them once…

But they weren’t the only ones… The record and witch smelled like black licorice (bleh), some of the other Halloween ones smelled like burning leaves. The lawnmower was fresh cut grass, the band-aid smelled like what you’d expect… But so many smelled amazing! Cinnamon bun, for one. I also loved the pickle and my very first sticker, the spearmint scented frog. There were so many that smelled amazing! If you’re lucky, you can still find the original matte stickers. The glossy ones just don’t work the same and don’t smell as good…

Trend still makes scratch and sniff stickers today, which I’m sure you’ve seen unless you’ve been living under a stone these past years. But they’re not the same…

The new stickers are glossy as opposed to matte, which means they’re more difficult to scratch and get a smell out of them. And when you do, it’s a combination of whatever scent they are mixed with the scent of glossy paper. Yuck… The matte ones were the best. Yeah, you had to be careful not to scratch so hard you scratched the picture off, but you smelled only the powerful scent they added on. They were also a lot cuter and less boring than the ones today…

Trend also made large stickers back in the 80s…

The one pictured to the left was my absolute favorite of any sticker I had. If I remember correctly, I received it from one of my teachers back in the day. I love cats, so that in itself was exciting for my young self. Then I scratched and sniffed it…

It was like heaven! It was sweet cream scented (as I’m sure you can tell since it says it on the pitcher). It was probably the best scent on the face of the planet. I would keep my nose plastered to that sticker until I thought I would literally suck all the smell out of it forever… Sadly, this is a difficult one to find. I’ve bought the vintage Trend stickers off eBay and other sites, but I have yet to find this one…

I had most of these as well and then some…

But Trend wasn’t the only company making these awesome miracle stickers…

Mello Smello was another company that cashed in on our smelly sticker crazed minds. They smelled just as wonderful, just in a larger size. They also had some variations on artwork as well as scent. Let me tell you, the best smelling taco and hamburger stickers came from Mello Smello!

Even Garfield got in on the act!

I loved Garfield ever since my dad had bought one for my and my sister on a business trip. This was when Garfield was still new and no one knew who he was yet… Anyway, when they put him on scratch and sniff stickers, I bought every single type! And in terms of the best smelling pizza sticker, Garfield wins, hands down! Sadly, I no longer have any stickers except the few I bought online. My mother tossed the rest…

I’m sure those of the younger generation are having trouble wrapping your heads around why we went so bat shit insane over these stickers…

Maybe this will help you grasp our insanity. It was like the Pog craze back in the early 90s. Anyone remember those? They started out as milk caps in Hawaii that the kids played a game with and they took off from there…

I was a young adult when Pogs became popular… But even I got in on the craze because… Well, I don’t really know why. I didn’t really buy them for any other reason than I liked the pictures. I would dig through bins of these just for ones that had some appealing art. I even enlisted help from friends when I was trying to get all The Simpsons ones (I succeeded). I bought a few slammers as well. Those I was able to save from my mother’s horrible urge to toss out my things… I still have them to this day!

Normally, I don’t fall prey to trends and fads… But I have fallen prey to a few others. I own a hacky sack, silly bands, Atari 2600, Rubick’s Cube, The Snake, Yoshi’s Puzzle, Neo Pets, Tamogatchi, Fidget Spinners… I own a few pair of Crocs (and generic versions thereof). I have a pair of bell-bottom jeans and platform sandals. The list is endless…

Right now my biggest fad is the Nintendo Switch. The main reason I even got one was to play the remastered Crash Bandicoot games and the new Animal Crossing game when it’s released.

When you get right down to it, I’m just a nerd like anyone and everyone else who falls victim to weird trends and fads…

But, like Napoleon Dynamite, I’m okay with that. That’s what makes me… me… And, truth be told, I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. I’ll be a nerd until the day I die. That’s the only way I’ll have it!

A Wonderful Escape

Okay, this really has absolutely nothing to do with today’s randomness. It’s just something that crosses my mind every single time that I hear the word “escape”…

Everyone knows those lyrics, “If you like piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain…” And so everyone assumes that overly popular 70s tune by Rupert Holmes is the name of the drink. But it’s actually titled “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)“. Seriously, that thought crosses my mind every time I hear the word “escape”. No particular reason, I just do…

And, just because it’s another strange one that seems wrongly titled, there’s also “The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy)” by Harper’s Bizarre. It seems everyone knows the tune as “Feelin’ Groovy”, but that part is actually in parentheses. The main part of the title is “The 59th Street Bridge Song”. Makes you wonder why artists do that… I think they’re just fucking with us and making us wonder what the fuck the title really is…

Today’s random entry is about forms of escapism…

My form of escapism is usually music. Aside from the fact that it’s a great way to escape, but it also is convenient as I can do other things at the same time. I can clean my house, draw, paint… all while listening to music.

I also like to escape into a good movie or binge watching a favorite show or anime if I’m feeling lazy.

But there’s nothing like losing yourself in a really good book. That’s my favorite form of escapism, if I have time to read, which isn’t often. And my reading list isn’t like most people’s. Sure, I love a good Stephen King novel and I’ve read other popular books. But when it comes to my favorite reading material, Beowulf makes the top of my list along with Poe’s writings. I also like to read Shakespeare and books like The Divine Comedy. I don’t even need to read the footnotes.

If Lucifer was this hot, a lot of women would be sinning…

But, every now and again, I like to lose myself in an awesome manga…

I just finished reading all 20 volumes of Angel Sanctuary by Kaori Yuki. It’s a wonderful (and a bit complicated) story with some of the most beautiful artwork, as you can tell by the image to the left. Let me tell you, if Lucifer was really this hot, a lot of women would be sinning their asses off in order to go to hell, hahaha! That’s funny coming from an atheist, isn’t it? Actually, it seems odd that an atheist would read anything about angels, devils and God… But her’s is not your ordinary tale of higher beings (and lower beings). It’s quite an interesting take on Heaven and Hell, angels and demons. Perhaps that’s why I like it so much. It’s a different view of “religious” things…

And I can’t help but be in awe of such beautiful artwork…

This is the main character of the manga, Setsuna Mudo, who is actually the reincarnation of an angel… I kind of don’t want to get more into it than that or I’ll spoil it for anyone who may want to read it. Seriously, it’s wonderful and you won’t be disappointed. There is also an OVA of the first 3 books that’s a great watch. I wish they’d done the whole series…

What’s with all these beautiful characters?!

Currently, I’m reading one of her other mangas, The Cain Saga, which is like a prequel to her series Godchild…

This one is based in 19th century London. Black sheep Earl Cain Hargreaves (pictured left) is not your ordinary… anything… He collects poisons (what an odd hobby) and solves mysteries. Again, I don’t want to delve too much into the story for those who may want to read it. Suffice it to say, I’ll be finishing this series for the second time if I keep going…

Kaori Yuki has quite a few manga series out aside from the one I just finished and the one I’m currently reading. I highly recommend her work. The storylines are well thought out and just look at this fabulous art! It’s easy to get sucked in to every single book…

Kaori Yuki is actually one of my idols. Because of her, I’ve worked very hard to improve my drawing style. I’ve even started working on my own manga. I’ve had the ideas bouncing around in my head for years, but her lovely artwork has really inspired me to do something more with my own. So I guess you could say she’s my hero, in a way… An art hero.

One day, if and when I get mine finished, perhaps I’ll give you guys a sneak peek of my story. Until then, it’s under wraps and will stay that way…