I’m sorry to say, I never owned one of these Frankie Goes To Hollywood shirts… Or the Wham! ones that said “Choose Life”. I did, however, have one that said “Go-Go” on it. I think I may still have it somewhere…

Amazingly, they’re still making these shirts! I’m considering buying one to remind myself to relax, as Frankie is telling us to do… However, he was referring to something entirely different in that song than just simply relaxing in general…

Actually, I’m feeling a lot more relaxed than I’ve been feeling in months…

As you know, I’d been dealing with the greed of family since there was a death of one member. Stupid decisions were made, everyone seemed to want to be in charge, and certain people were grabbing what they could without asking if anyone else wanted it. It was infuriating! But this past weekend, the estate/yard sale took place… In the worst heat and humidity… Amazingly, a lot of people came and it was barely controlled chaos!

You’d be amazed how many people make Mr. Krabs look like a shopaholic… My favorite, I believe, was one woman in particular. I was in charge of knick knacks and such. Things were already being sold very cheap just to get rid of them and many people asked if it was a moving sale, to which I replied that it was an estate sale for a family member who had passed on. This particular woman had heard me say as much, but it sure in the hell didn’t stop her from being cheap…

She was interested in this large, glass oval plate that was beautifully etched with a winter scene. She asked and I told her $2. Really, what’s $2? Like two pack of gum…? Keep in mind, she’d heard why we were having the sale. These weren’t just things someone no longer wanted. This was someone’s life being sold (cheaply). She had the nerve to offer me 50 cents! I told her I couldn’t possibly take less than $2. She put it down in disgust and walked off. I was tempted to tell her to get the fuck out and don’t come back, cheap bitch…

You have no idea how taxing it all was… Or maybe you do. It was hot all weekend, probably close to 90 degrees and extremely humid. And there I was, feeling sick from the heat, slapping on my happy face, smiling, being social and thanking people for taking the remains of someone’s life for a few bucks. By the end of it all, I was so irritable, I was the crabbiest bitch alive. If I had to deal with one more person, I swear I’d have taken a hostage… All I can say is, never again. Next time I’m keeping out of it.

There was an upside… I had been storing a few boxes at the house of this family member (I had no room) and I decided to look through a few during a lull. I was happily surprised to see things I thought I’d lost long ago. I also found a stack of letters that my friend wrote me from college. I found it amusing, so I sent her a picture of the stack. Her reply was that the one on top looked like a mutual friend’s handwriting, a friend who passed about 4 years ago from cancer. Turns out, it was a note from her and I had four others. They made me cry so hard, I had to hide them from myself. Those simple high school days… before we knew what was to come…

By the end of Sunday, I was feeling incredibly emotional. I was overheated, exhausted and just sick of it all. I was out for a smoke and when I went back in the house, I took notice to how empty it felt… I wandered to the bedroom, sat down on the floor and looked around. Before I knew it, the tears came. I wasn’t even sure what I was crying for, to be honest…

I was found in my hiding spot by the one family member I didn’t want to be found by… the one who had been exactly kind or civil to me. At first, he joked and asked if I was in a meditative position because of how I was sitting. I shook my head. He then asked if I was alright and I shook my head again. That’s when he saw the tears. He hesitated, then told me he’d leave me alone. I heard him tell the others, quietly, to leave me alone. After that he’s been very kind… I assume the reason that he had treated me so was my lack of emotion. I don’t always cry over deaths or at funerals. I’m a bit strange… Instead, I hold it all in because there are people falling apart that need support. Someone needs to take on the job and it just so happens that I seem to elect myself every time.

Said family member was also told that I had been so strong for such a long time and it was just my turn to grieve… Perhaps… One had passed almost three years ago, now, and the remaining in May. In between, my brother-in-law also passed. I didn’t have time to grieve for any of them. And, to be honest, I never thought I would. I wouldn’t say that any of us were close (family or no, I’m still the outcast), so I assumed that I would play my role as the strong one and never grieve at all. But I did that evening… And it certainly changed the views of family. I’m not completely cold hearted. I just hold it in to hold everyone else together.

Now it’s all done… I got some very nice things to remember said family by, my family no longer sees me as the asshole they thought I was and I don’t have to deal with anyone’s greed anymore.

Now I can relax… Just relax and remember to just breathe… And believe me, brother, that’s exactly what I plan to do. I certainly deserve it after all this happy horse shit…