I’ve been in a really foul mood for some time, now, especially today. That’s why I figured it was a good time to write this…

Yesterday, I was watching “Willie Wonka And The Chocolate Factory”. I’ve loved this movie since I was a kid (thankfully, it’s older than me… by a year…) and I still do today. Obviously, why else would I be watching it? And this crazy idea popped into my head… It’s not just a story about a bratty children and one who has his wish come true. It’s also about The Seven Deadly Sins…

Now, before you dismiss me as a fucking nut, hear me out…

First, you really have to be open minded. Like really open minded… It’s a bit of a stretch, but not very much of one. If it was such a huge stretch, believe me, the idea wouldn’t have popped into my mind so easily. So let me explain:

Envy

Charlie is obviously the deadly sin of envy. He’s a poor kid who has nothing. His life is a big pile of shit. They’re so poor they literally don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out. So when Wonka decides to send out the Golden Tickets, Charlie is desperate to find one, growing more and more depressed as more tickets are found by children who already have a much better life than he does. When there is only one ticket left, he angrily tells his mother (obviously in a fit of depression) that if she wondered who would find the last ticket, it wouldn’t be him. You can’t blame poor Charlie… Anyone who had a life as shitty as his can’t help but dream of something better. But still, his feelings towards the other children as they find their tickets makes him the sin of envy.

Pride, Lust, Greed

Veruka Salt is hard to categorize into only one sin, really… She actually embodies, well, all of them. But the most notable are these three. She’s obviously pride as she struts around in her fur coat, insisting everything go her way because she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. She’s also lust due to the fact that she thinks she’s beautiful and perfect and everyone loves her. And, most of all, she’s greed… She wants literally everything, which her father promises her he’ll get it for her after they get home from the factory. Inevitably, she pitches a hissy because she doesn’t want it later, she wants it now! She already has it all, but it’s not enough. So take your pick on which sin Veruka is. She really embodies all seven in some way, shape or form…

Lust, Gluttony, Pride

Violet is another that embodies more than one sin… She literally has this unhealthy lust for gum. I mean really, you pretty much have to in order to chew the same piece for 3 months straight. It had to be like chewing on a tire! This also can go along with gluttony… As she says herself, as long as it’s gum… She could care less that it’s going to turn her into a giant blueberry, she’s just a lustful glutton for gum. And Violet, like Veruka, is full of pride. She thinks she’s so wonderful. She even treats her friends like shit, such as her “best” friend, Cornelia, whom she mocks on television after beating her gum chewing record. Again, take your pick…

Sloth

Without a doubt, Mike is the sin of sloth… I mean, the kid’s mother even said he hadn’t sat at the dinner table in years (something that people still did with regularity in the early 70s) and served him TV dinners right there in front of the television. Why? Because Mike refused to move from in front of it… One has to assume that he went to school at some point, but who knows with his parents. When Mike tells reporters he wants a Colt .45 (not the malt liquor) and his father won’t let him get one yet, his father tells him, “Not until you’re 12, son…” That’s some bad parenting right there, so who knows if they sent him to school. But, assuming they did, during the time he wasn’t in school, his ass was glued to the sofa cushion watching television instead of playing outside. That’s sloth if I ever saw it…

Gluttony

This one is obvious… The Oompa Loompas even refer to him being a glutton in their song. Certainly learned behavior as his father, when trying to be interviewed, ate the fucking microphone! And his mother wasn’t exactly a light weight… I can’t watch the scene where he’s being interviewed because the speed with which he shovels food in his mouth is literally sickening. It was kind of a no brainer that Augustus wouldn’t make it far into the factory tour, gorging himself and, inevitably, falling into the chocolate river and getting sucked into a tube where his girth got him stuck for a few moments. This kid would eat dog shit if you put it on a plate. He’s literally the very embodiment of the sin of gluttony.

Wrath

I saved the best for last, Willie Wonka himself… The embodiment of the deadly sin of wrath…

I know, you’re all thinking that he really wasn’t a bad guy… He makes candy! Candy, which is marketed towards children! How could anyone that creates something to bring children joy be all bad?

Aside from the fact that he often looks like a crazed lunatic throughout the movie (Applause to Gene Wilder), he’s incredibly sadistic… The children in his factory engage in dangerous activity and, in a bored tone, he tells them, “No, stop, don’t…” He could care less what happens to the bratty children and shows no concern that one might be incinerated in the garbage or pop if she doesn’t get immediately juiced. The further into the movie you get, you realize he’s not only fucking nuts, but he’s definitely a sadist. For a guy who makes candy for a living, he seems to have a major disregard for the safety of children…

But what really makes Mr. Wonka the deadly sin of wrath is in this scene in his office when Grandpa Joe inquires about Charlie’s lifetime supply of chocolate. He literally flips shit on Grandpa Joe (a part of the script Gene Wilder was not supposed to reveal to the boy who played Charlie for an authentic reaction to his anger). Granted, in the end, when Charlie returns the Gobstopper instead of turning it over to Slugworth, Willie Wonka softens and congratulates Charlie, eventually informing him of his real prize. Unlike the more privileged children, Charlie’s poverty taught him humility. That was what Wonka wanted, a pure, innocent child to run his factory for him. But, up until that point, he was the deadly sin of wrath, without a doubt…

So… is your mind blown? Will you never watch “Willie Wonka And The Chocolate Factory” in the same light again? Are you pissed I did this to one of your favorite childhood movies? Have any thoughts? Leave some comments below! I’d love to hear your thoughts, even if it’s only to call me a bitch for ruining the movie for you, hahaha…