Is it because I’m old…? Seriously, it’s because I’m old, isn’t it…? That’s why I don’t understand the rules and how the world works today, right? It’s because I’m fucking old…

Okay, I’m not exactly old… To millennials I’m probably old, yeah. Normally, I only feel old physically. Thanks to my ovaries shitting out on me and needing removal at such a young age, it kicked things into overdrive, like the arthritis I was already suffering in my knees. Now it’s in a bunch of other places, so… But mentally? Hell, on a good day, I feel 16! I wish my body felt 16… That would be great to have my mind and body match, wouldn’t it…? Sadly, they don’t. And then, on occasion, things happen or are said that I’m just totally confused about and have to ask what this is all about, thus proving that, even though I feel 16 mentally, I don’t understand what’s going on in the world of the younger generation. It took me years to figure out what tbh meant… And I had to ask someone…

Now, as to why I don’t understand the rules…

One of my “friends” on Facebook had posted a Lisa Simpson meme that had me puzzled the way it was written. I tried to google it, but I couldn’t find it. Shocking… Anyway, what I do remember was that the phrase “white people” was used almost every other word, which in and of itself made it confusing, and was along the lines of “If you’re a white person who’s not sick of white people…” It just went on and on and made no sense. After seeing it in my news feed for a few days, I commented that I was puzzled as to what the meme was getting at. The reply was insulting, for one. What was more insulting was his use of big ten cent words to try to make himself look intelligent and make me look stupid. I know my IQ; I’m not stupid. And I doubt he knows what misogynistic means (he also misspelled it, the idiot…)

The gist of the meme, from what I took from his rambling, was that it was geared toward white people who cause suffering to others, hate other races, gays, blah blah… I responded that I was still confused. I feel indifferently towards idiots like that because, if you don’t, you’re just spreading hate yourself, which is the very thing you want to stop. It makes no sense. To which, I got an even nastier reply that seriously pissed me the fuck off. I also got one from another of his friends. I blocked them both and said “fuck you”. But it left me in a bad state last night…

I think what bothered me most was that, suddenly, I’m the bad guy. I’m one of those “white people” that “white people” are sick of. I’m sorry… what the fuck did you say?! No one knows me well enough to make that assessment. Honestly, I think the asshole got so pissed off at me because he knew I was right. He’s also spreading hate by saying he’s a “white person” who is sick of “white people”. Indifference is the way to go. You feel nothing towards them and thus they have no power over you or anyone else.

I was so pissed, I actually wrote a post regarding this to clear things up for all the people who think they know me and know nothing…

My views are, it’s stupid to hate any race. It’s especially stupid to hate your own race. I’m sorry, that doesn’t make you cool or hip or whatever the fuck the terminology is that is used now. It makes you a douchebag for trying to look cool/hip/what the fuck ever…

I have never and will never judge people based on their color, race, creed, religious affiliation, sexual orientation. An asshole is an asshole. They come in all colors, all religious sects and sexual orientations. I don’t see that when judging a person. Obviously I don’t because I judged this guy as an asshole and guess what… He’s white, just like me… I don’t tolerate hate or drama. I’m entitled to my opinion as much as you are yours. I expect people to respect my opinion as I do theirs. And if they feel a need to express theirs, do it like a fucking adult. I don’t have time for childish high school bullshit. I’m too fucking old and have gotten beyond that. And if people can’t accept it, block me. I won’t miss you…

Will I lose friends over this…? Probably… I hope I don’t, but I need to be realistic, here. As George says, “Some people are really fucking stupid” and he was right. Some of them are. A lot of them are…

I seriously don’t understand the rules of this world anymore… I’m not against any race, I’m not against any religion (this is coming from an atheist, mind you), I’m not against any sexual orientation… Hell, one of my dearest friends is gay and I loved him the minute I met him. When he first started dating his husband, I told him he was a keeper. I love them both dearly. I may still have difficulty understanding transgender and pansexual people, but I’m working on that. I think I get the pansexual thing, but transgender is hard to wrap my head around. I grew up in a different age where that wasn’t a thing you spoke of. So I’m still learning.

To add insult to injury… Yesterday, while on the phone with my friend, I suddenly realized, “Oh fuck! The piano tuner is coming today in like five minutes!!!” The top of my old, ugly ass spinet is covered with all sorts of things (picture frames, candles, a Precious Moments boy sitting at a piano that’s a music box, my dogs ashes…) and I had all of five minutes to get it all off. I went into insane panic mode, ripping shit off the top of the piano and finding it a temporary home. I made it! He hadn’t arrived yet! And more than a half hour later, he still hadn’t arrived… So I called the place I use and the guy seemed kind of flustered and said he had me down for the 18th… No you didn’t… When I made the appointment, I had sent out a text to someone about it and guess what? I read back through until I found the text, which said the 11th at noon. Busted! I was pissed, so the guy made the appointment for tomorrow. He better be here…

And I’m still waiting on my new glasses…

I have no patience waiting for glasses, I really don’t. Part of it is for reasons of vanity. I can’t wait to have that cool new look! My other reasons are much more practical… I want to be able to fucking see! Seriously, I’m getting tired of people looking at me funny and asking me things like, “How hard is it for you to see _____?” How hard is it…? It’s real fucking hard! I have horrible distance vision, everyone knows it and yet I still get asked this idiotic question!

This is why I get so anxious for my new glasses… I hate people asking that stupid question, I hate the fact that I can’t see well enough that I’m comfortable driving because my eyes are so screwed up right now… Today is 10 days. I better get that call that they’re in.

I really think I need more than a zen moment right now…

Actually, I’ve been doing fairly well on my spiritual journey towards peace and enlightenment. I still have a very long way to go, but I’ve been feeling so much better since I started. I seem to shrug things off more easily than before and remain calm in slightly stressful situations.

That’s not to say I don’t get stressed… If the situation is really stressful, I still have my freak out moments, but they’re not nearly as bad as they used to be. Score! Hey, whether it really works or is complete bullshit is irrelevant. I’ve been feeling better and more like myself. As long as I believe in it and it helps, that’s what matters.

And just for shits and giggles, I’ll leave you with an animated GIF file I made a long time ago…

This is Aki from the J-Rock band SID. The clip I used was from their video for the song “Sweet?” I could watch Aki rip that tie off and toss it away all day long… It’s distracting me as I type this… Well, anyway, I decided to throw this in because the forums I made them for are now defunct and I have no other use for them. I probably made hundreds of them and they just sit there, wasting space and doing nothing. I happened to see this one yesterday and thought what the hell, I’ll add it to my next entry for fun. And for eye candy… I really do love the way he strips off that tie…