And soon it will be worse…

About a month ago, I went to my three month meeting with my shrink. Always a joy…

I shouldn’t say that. My shrink is okay. He listens better than all the other ones I’ve seen over the years. He doesn’t always listen, like when I tell him the meds are making me fat or raising my cholesterol, but he listens to the other things I say and gives good advice. He’s a good guy…

When I saw him last month, I had no idea what I was going to be responsible for as I have new insurance. His secretary told me they would just submit it and see what they cover and bill me the rest. That was fine.

Well… yesterday I got a “valentine” from my shrink’s office… I got the bill… And as soon as I opened it, I broke down in tears and had a major meltdown. I pretty much went nuclear. I knew my new insurance was going to suck balls, but I had no idea until I opened that bill…

This is how it goes… The insurance (which is costly) pays for only 20% of my bill and I pay 80%. They paid a whole whopping $18.24. My cost is $106.66! This is why I had a meltdown… Apparently, once the insane $3,000 deductible is met, they pay 80% and I pay 20%. Once I hit the $6,000, then every cent is covered completely. This is the worst plan I’ve ever heard of! That’s the thing, though. Insurance companies are still just companies. They want to make money…

Worse, my shrink only accepts cash (not sure about checks) and won’t accept my flex spending card, which I have to cover shit like this. I was beside myself… Wait, let me just ben over and pull $106.66 out of my ass… I can’t pay that, not even if it’s every three months. So come Monday, I’m going to have to call and explain to the secretary what the deal is and tell her that I can’t afford to come anymore. And, even if I tried finding another shrink here, I’d still be screwed having to pay a ridiculous amount. So I can’t afford to keep seeing my shrink or start going to therapy again…

What a lovely “valentine” I got this year, huh…? It’s like getting this candy heart from “Buffalo Bill”…

I honestly don’t know what to do. I think I’m seriously screwed at this point. Much as I hate my meds, I know I need to take them or I’ll go completely off my rocker. On the plus side, the prescription coverage is awesome and I only pay a few dollars for my meds. The downside is that I literally can’t afford to see the doctor who gives me the meds. What the hell am I supposed to do?! I mean, I don’t qualify for disability, SSI or medical assistance (I’ve tried multiple times), so what the fuck are people in my position supposed to do?! I suppose we’re supposed to bend over and assume the position for the fucking we’re about to get, yeah…?

The only good thing this week was that I did get my piano tuned, finally…

What a cluster fuck… Aside from the fact that the guy who made the appointment had everything all fucked up, I got a call Thursday, the day we rescheduled for, from a different guy at the shop. He told me the guy showed up Tuesday and no one was home. I told him my side and we figured out what happened. The dipshit who set everything up wrote down the wrong house number… I should have suspected when he read back my phone number and kept goofing it up.

But now my piano is tuned and sounds lovely…

I wish it looked as nice as it sounds or as nice as the one pictured. Mine is also a Winter spinet. It has chipped keys, no music rack and a butt-ugly blonde wood veneer, but it’s mine and I love it!

I hadn’t been playing for some time because it was out of tune. Well… Most people wouldn’t have noticed it much. Unfortunately, I have perfect pitch. It’s both a gift and a nightmare… It’s great when I want to play a song I have no music for because I can just plunk it out and play by ear (my preferred method). But it sucks in cases like during the Super Bowl. The last few notes of the national anthem, she was flat! Like flatter than a tire! It’s like nails on a chalkboard when someone hits a sour note… But I digress… I was so excited to have an in tune piano that I took time out of the house cleaning I did that day to play. That’s also a zen thing for me. I just love to play the piano.

However, I’m still waiting on my glasses. The lenses finally came in yesterday, but, sadly, they didn’t have time to fit the lenses in the frames. Come on, people! I’ve never waited this long from this office for glasses! Monday it will be two weeks! I mean, yeah, a big part of me wants them for vanity. But I also want to see better. Besides, my current frames are beat up, I have a good sized scratch in one lens and the transitions shit has been wearing off for a while and you can see the weird spots in the lenses.

So this week has been a mess of big and little disasters…

The one I’m most concerned about is this insurance bullshit… If I can’t afford to see my doctors, how will I get my meds?! I can’t go without them or I’ll really get fucked up. And now that I finally found a doctor who will do knee replacements that I desperately need on someone my age (most people say I’m “too young”, yeah, okay) I won’t be able to afford those, either. I really need a hug…