And that’s the only time that thoughts should be black and white, when you’re writing them down on paper.

Well… unless you prefer some other ink color. There are a plethora of ink colors out there today. I myself sometimes like different colors to write in on occasion. Except blue… I fucking hate blue. Seriously, I once didn’t buy the most awesome pen in the world (yes, I have a pen fetish) simply because it came with blue ink and they had no refills for this thing with black ink. I was pissed…

I apologize to any of you out there saying, “How can you hate blue?! It’s my favorite color!” Yeah, well… I have good reason, actually. Growing up, mine and my sister’s room’s were completely blue. I’m talking dark blue carpet, matte dark sky blue walls, blue curtains, blue bedspread… You get the idea. And this was in a house my parents built after we were both born! I don’t know what they were thinking… Eventually, my sister and I were allowed to paint our rooms. I chose white (my room was small, bright colors make it look larger) and my sister chose this hideous shade of Pepto Bismol pink. She still had bad taste in color to this day…

Anyway, back to the subject…

This morning I was feeling a bit anxious for no reason. Well… except that my bedtime anti-anxiety had worn off and the new one had not yet kicked in. And I know when I’m feeling anxious even if I have no other symptoms because I’ll do weird things to alleviate it before it really kicks in. Like this morning, I was singing. Sometimes I sing a song, sometimes I make a parody of songs. This morning I was singing a parody of “Godzilla” to my half Maine Coon cat, Sebastian. He’s so big, I call him “Catzilla”. You can see where this is going…

This is when my thought process started kicking in on the whole anxiety and depression issue. What causes them, really?

Well, if you listen to a lot of therapists (like, oh, I dunno, the ones in the outpatient programs?) they’ll tell you that depression comes when you’re focusing your mind too much in the past and anxiety is a result of worrying or thinking too much of the future. Okay, valid points, I’ll give them that. But that type of thinking is just too black and white for me. I don’t believe that any ideas are completely black and white. There are shades of gray in there somewhere.

Granted, there are other forces at play, here.

In the case of bipolar people, I don’t think it’s as simple as dwelling in the past, future or even the present. Obviously your brain isn’t making enough or making too much of certain chemicals at times (depending on if you’re in a depressive or manic state). See, this is why people don’t take mental illness seriously. It’s that black and white thinking of, dwelling in the past and worrying about the future. If you’re depressed, people tell you to just let that shit go, you’ll feel better. Or, if you’re anxious, they tell you that you worry too much and should stop worrying so much. And when you’re manic, they think you’re normal. Seriously?!? That’s so not normal. But this is what black and white thinking has gotten us. People think you can just snap yourself out of it by being positive or live in the moment. But you can’t always do that…

And this type of thinking, the stigma, is infectious…

You know, I find it amusing that people can tell you to just stop being depressed or anxious, as if it’s that simple a process. It’s all in our heads, after all.

Really…? And do you also go up to cancer patients and tell them to stop having cancer? Do you go up to diabetics and tell them they can process sugar just fine, it’s all in their heads? Or maybe you go up to paraplegics and tell them that they could get up and move around if they really set their minds to it? See how stupid black and white thinking sounds when you put it that way? You can’t stop telling those people to stop being ill any more than you can a mentally ill person. It just doesn’t work that way…

True story of one of my therapy sessions…

My therapist is awesome. I think he was a stoner once (maybe still). Anyway, one of my OCD issues brought on by my anxiety is a crippling fear of germs. I wash my hand a lot… I can’t stress that word enough. A LOT… It interferes in my daily life like you can’t imagine. All I want is to be able to make it all go away so I can live like I used to before it began. So he told me to go on YouTube and look up “Bob Newhart Stop It“. If there’s one thing you do for yourself today, watch that clip. It’s the funniest thing I ever saw! And any of us who have been through any kind of therapy can relate to this. Guaranteed to make you laugh your ass off! I watch it a lot!

Okay, Bob Newhart psychotherapy aside…

You know, I love this picture… “50 Shades of Grey (for Designers)”, not to be confused with “50 Shades of Grey for people who like to read smut”. I’m sorry, I’m not into books like that. I’m not a big fan of reading any kind of books, romance or otherwise, that have sex scenes written in. I’d rather have sex then to read about people having unrealistic versions of the act. And lines like, “His manhood sprang forth…” What the fuck is that?! Have you ever known a dick that “sprung forth”?! Like they unzip their pants and you hear “booooiiiiing” as it springs out and slaps you in the face! And, as a woman, I don’t need to know the color/shape/size of the female characters’ nipples or aureoles. And who the hell even uses words like aureoles?! Ugh…

But my distaste for trashy novels aside… I was getting to a valid point. Nothing is black and white. Not any situation or idea. Even if it seems like it from a quick glance at the outside, there are always shades of gray in there somewhere, if you know where to look and look hard enough.

However, that won’t stop black and white thinking… Especially when it comes to mental illness. You’ll still have doctors who shove chemicals down your throat with no thought to the side effects or consequences and won’t believe you when you tell them the med raised your cholesterol and made you fat. You’ll still have therapists that will tell you to just live in the present moment and poof, all your depression from dwelling in the past and anxiety from worrying about the future will magically be gone. And you’ll still have assholes that will tell you that, if you don’t want to be like this, just stop being like this, like it’s that simple.

To those people, I make the Hobbes face. That pretty much says it all…

I always loved Calvin and Hobbes. It was a very witty, intellectual comic. And sometimes it was just flat out dark and goofy. I think I liked it so much because I could relate to Calvin. I was much like him as a child, just without quite as much mischief and the imaginary tiger friend. Actually, I never really had what you’d call an imaginary friend. But I did carry a stuffed Snoopy with me everywhere I went. And I still have him! Anyway… So I’ll close by leaving you one of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comics that’s relative to this entire goofy diatribe for today. Enjoy!