I have not come to talk with you again. You have come to talk with me…

Paul Simon’s words seem to fit what I’ve been feeling lately: darkness…

But before I delve into all that… Your friendly neighborhood music nerd is going to give you guys some exposure! Don’t worry, this will be kind of fun.

As a matter of fact, I recently did this to my mom when she came to visit me. Now… she’s old enough to remember when “The Sounds Of Silence” was first released, so of course she knew it and heard it very clearly in her head. But I played it for her anyway, just as a refresher. Then I played the remake by the band Disturbed, “The Sound of Silence“. Seriously, one is titled “sounds” and the other “sound”… Anyway… I liked some of Disturbed’s other tunes, so I figured I’d check this remake out. I don’t like remakes, but this one blew me away! Honestly, the music and the way it’s sung seems to fit the context of the song better. The lyrics aren’t happy, but Simon and Garfunkel made it a bit light. Disturbed made it dark as it should sound. I played this one for my mom next and she agreed. I think she liked it! Give both a listen!

Okay, music lesson over…

Sadly, darkness has come to talk with me again… I don’t talk to it. I try to ignore it and tell it to fuck off. But it’s talking with me again, I’m sorry to say.

I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. I can’t really delve too far into what’s going on because some of it is very personal and, if I did, I couldn’t stay the “cyber shadow” I prefer to be, you know? Suffice it to say, I’ve been dealing with a huge stressor for years that no matter how hard I try to fix it, it keeps getting worse. Add to this another huge stressor that I’ve been dealing with since November and you’ve got yourself a real shit storm…

At first I thought my blah feelings were due to a lack of a real winter and the weather flip-flopping between bitter cold and spring-like temperatures. It’s hard to feel cheerful when everything is dead and bare and there’s no pretty snow to cover that shit up. Or maybe it was just a lot of negativity in the air lately.

Sadly, that’s not the case… Since November I’ve been fairly stressed and the situation causing it seems to never get better. It doesn’t always get worse, but it never seems to improve. And because of this, I have to deal with a bunch of fucking idiots on a fairly regular basis. Listen, if you need more information or certain papers, you need to call me, not the other way around! I’m not a fucking mind reader! And if this shit is so all-fired fucking important, why do you wait until I call you to tell me you need it?! Gah!!! I know Im getting jerked around and it’s really pissing me off…

So hey, let’s add insult to injury! That won’t be detrimental to my sanity, right?!

Yesterday I received some other disturbing news about the issue I’ve been dealing with for the past few years. Again, I swear to Christ, I’m getting jerked around. But this is the type that will more than likely cost me a butt-ton of money and that’s if I can fix the situation at all. I’m not sure I can anymore. It’s just continually gotten progressively worse over the years until I reached rock bottom with it.

Sadly, this rock bottom isn’t the amusing yet annoying one from a Sponge Bob cartoon…

I know, everyone gets stressed. Everyone, at some point, feels some measure of depression and/or anxiety. Isn’t that what my apparently useless pills I pay for every month are supposed to help counteract…? I’d thought so, but I’m seeing that they, too, are pretty much useless right now. I’m hoping that, if I can at least get through one of these situations without going completely postal, I’ll feel better.

But, at this particular point and time, my sanity feels a lot like this rope, here… There’s just one, tiny, frail little thread holding it all together. And you wonder, how can such a frail little thing possibly hold my sanity together? It can’t handle that kind of stress, being pulled apart that way! And yet, somehow it does… Though it sometimes comes with a price. The last time I was feeling stressed, I began not feeling well, much as I’m feeling now. Well, I had gone to the doctor who did and EKG and sent me to the emergency room. Apparently I had an abnormal blip on it. So after 5 hours and 3 or 4 EKGs, I found out the culprit was stress. Lovely! So this is causing a lot of depression and anxiety because I’m fearful of what could happen if I don’t chill the fuck out…

In my vain attempt at trying to chill out, I decided to start binge watching one of my favorite anime, “Witch Hunter Robin”.

Cartoon Network aired this years ago. Between the title and the commercials, I was hooked before they even showed the first episode! The plot line is just fantastic, though a bit confusing if you don’t pay close attention. It’s especially a great anime for someone like me who has this weird obsession with the idea of how cool it would be to have special powers. Don’t judge… I know there’s at least one or two Harry Potter fans reading this. You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same way…

It’s a rather dark anime, to be honest. In some ways, it’s a bit Goth, in others it’s like an M. Knight Shamalan twist kind of thing.

Either way you look at it, come one, like you wouldn’t want to be Robin… She can set shit on fire! And she can do it just by looking at shit and concentrating on it! How awesome would that be…?! Pretty fucking awesome, I can tell you that! And so, maybe today I’ll go back to my binge watching and try to chill my stressed ass out..