Sometimes, Animal Crossing (any version) freaks me out a bit…

The villagers are generated by the program and, since you really can’t use dialogue other than to ask them to talk or what’s up, the only way the program would know something was wrong is if you stopped talking to your villagers altogether. I talk to mine the entire time I play. So when I got this letter during a time I was feeling more depressed and sorry for myself, I kind of freaked a bit. On the other hand, it was what I needed to hear at that time, so I’m glad my weird pink rhino sent me this little letter. It made me feel a bit better and I’m taking these wise words to heart.

But before I get onto today’s topic…

I had to share this because it had me laughing hysterically. On occasion, your villagers will give you DIY recipes. The one villager I despise, a weird looking bear named Klaus, gave me one to make a golden casket. My first thought was “What the actual fuck?! It’s weird enough they have what they call “western style stone” (the tombstones here in the picture) and zen stones, which are the Asian tombstones. Now I can make a golden casket?! How macabre! But I went to see what it looked like and died of laughter. I had to make it! It took forever to get the 6 out of 8 gold nuggets I needed, but I finally did it! Look at it! It looks like the Ark of the Covenant! Now all I need is a leather jacket, a hat and a whip and I’m set! Just so long as no Nazis try to open it…

Anyway… I had an appointment with a bariatric physician’s assistant. That was money ill spent… The entire virtual visit, she seemed more concerned with playing with her hair, putting me down and getting annoyed when I became emotional. This is what happens when you get whatever 12 year old they just made a doctor and she’s just in it for the money and doesn’t care about the patient. I’m sorry, if you don’t care about helping people, don’t become a doctor.

I’ve had a lot of shit dumped on me lately with my health and such. I gained a lot on my antidepressant, my blood sugar went wonky, they decided I was “reactive hypoglycemic”, my cholesterol was way too high, so they put me on meds… Then this child tells me that I shouldn’t eat peas, my favorite vegetable, because it’s a starch. She also sprung it on me that I’m pre-diabetic! What?! I couldn’t help myself. I cried and she seemed annoyed. I can see that if it’s a regular patient, but I have bipolar disorder and anxiety. I won’t react like other patients.

And here is where I fall into that vicious circle of negative thinking…

No offense, but I think I’m entitled to take a little time to feel sorry for myself. I’m getting overwhelmed by bad news about my health lately, especially things that are a huge trigger for my anxiety. My biggest fear for, oh, probably a decade or more, is having a heart attack. This all started after I had to have my ovaries removed. It really fucked my head up worse than it was and it’s caused my body to age more rapidly. Everything has been so out of my control since. I don’t overeat, I don’t eat garbage foods, I stay away from fats, cholesterol and sugars. Yet here I am… Everything seems to be falling apart at once. I’m overwhelmed, depressed, anxious (which is no good because the physical symptoms of anxiety can mimic a heart attack). Then I fall into this pattern of just laying around and binge watching whatever I can find. It’s sad… And I’m seriously worried about my health. I’m doing all the right things they want from me and it does nothing.

One thing they keep telling me (and not understanding) is to exercise. I can do exercises, so long as they don’t require bearing weight on my knees. I need both of them replaced, so even going pee is an issue. I more fall on the toilet than sit… Anyway, my right one has gotten very bad. I almost fell twice because it gave on me.

The one thing that doesn’t hurt is biking. Well… outside it would hurt more if I had hills. So I decided to become proactive and ordered an exercise bike. I never bought one because they’re big and you practically need an entire room just for the damn bike! But I did find one that isn’t as big and clunky. The nice thing is, it also folds up, so I can get it out of my way when I’m done. That’s one of the downsides of living in a row home (aside from 2 flights of stairs that are incredibly painful to climb and descend) is that, if you have furniture, you have little room for exercise equipment. So when I saw these were small and could be folded up, I said to myself, “Sold!!” It was a bit pricey, but my mom helped me with that since she knows I’m on a budget but this is something I need. It should be here tomorrow. I’m pretty excited! I haven’t done anything like this in a long time!

I’ve also been told for some time that exercise helps depression. I can say that it definitely does. I feel happy after a walk, but the next day I’m laid up with painful knees. I don’t have the nice arthritis that exercise helps. Mine is degenerative. So I have to be careful…

Maybe I’ll get a two-for. Maybe I’ll get happier and lose weight. I’m also going to talk to my doctor about getting off my meds. I know they’ll be against it. They all tell me that the meds aren’t screwing with my weight, cholesterol 0r blood sugar. Really… That’s why the pharmaceutical companies verbally tell you it can raise all 3, their disclaimer so you can’t come back and sue, I suppose. So please don’t blow smoke up my ass and call it sunshine, okay? Are they getting kick-backs? Are they really clueless or misinformed? Or do they just not want us to snap the fuck out? Then they give us more pills to counteract the side effects. No fucking thank you…

But back to the other day… I was feeling sorry for myself. Like really sorry for myself. I know I shouldn’t do it, but when I feel that way, I just want to be left alone in peace until I have time to process shit, feel sorry for myself, then pick myself up and dust myself off. I know isolation is bad, but I have a few people I talk to if I need it.

Morticia is not one of them… When I tell her I’m fat, she tell me I look fine and she’s the one who’s fat. If I get weepy about all the diet changes (of which there’s little I can eat anymore, even healthy shit), she retorts with, “How do you think I feel? There’s a lot I can’t eat with my Chrohn’s!” The difference being, she takes no meds, eats whatever she fucking wants anyway and bitches when it causes her intestinal issues. But she recently got bloodwork done and her cholesterol is almost 100 less than mine. She had an echocardiogram and she’s fine. Piss off with trying to make your situation worse than mine… So I texted her I wasn’t in the mood to talk, that I needed a few days to feel sorry for myself and I would call her when I was feeling better. Guess who didn’t respect my wishes…? Yup, she called me the next morning. Seriously, don’t people fucking listen?! My other friend understood, why can’t Morticia?!

At this point, I think I need to either block her incoming calls or just turn my damn phone off altogether.

Seriously, Morticia calls me at least a half dozen times every day. Whether she’s at work and on break or, god forbid, she has the day off, she calls me incessantly. It drives me crazy! And if my phone is having a brain fart where it’s not ringing and sending every call right to voice mail (I have no idea what’s up with that), she’ll text me, “Phone is fucked up.” Are you kidding me?! What am I, a fix for you?! I’ve never had anyone call and annoy me this much!

I think I’m honestly going to flip shit on her. She calls too much and all she does is makes me feel bad about myself. Oh yes, and she compares how bad her situation is to mine. I highly doubt it… She’s healthier than I am. Besides, maybe instead of pointing out your woes, many of which she makes worse because she does whatever the fuck she wants, maybe just listen and sympathize with the shit I’m going through at the moment. I’m doubting I’ll be talking to her for a long while…