Remember a few entries back when I said the doctor thought the rash starting on my hip was shingles…? Yeah… I’m pretty positive she’s right.

So she prescribes this shit called Vralar that’s supposed to help with shingles. Up until that point, it wasn’t too terribly large a spot and wasn’t too terribly dark. And it didn’t hurt or itch. The next morning, after one dose, it itched like a mother fucker, hurts when I touch it and it looked worse! So, another call to the doctor, sent her a picture… Now I’m supposed to take Benadryl and use Benadryl ointment. It looks worse every day, I swear to Christ… I guess I should just be thankful I only have this one spot about the size of a stretched out silver dollar. But at this point, it kind of looks like I have Jupiter’s great red spot on my hip. And it seems just as violent… Oh my god, the itch!!!

They say stress can make you break out in shingles, which I think is kind of weird… I’ve been extremely stressed before and never had this issue. I hope this doesn’t become a regular thing…

I’ve been so stressed out by a lot of things. Bad news with my health, more diet changes, freaking the hell out as the window gets smaller and smaller on when I need to make a decision as to what I’m doing on my house and the fat piece of lazy shit who runs the trailer park had still not given an answer to me, the realtor or the sellers. And I can’t tell you how many times in the last week that I got messages from my realtor, telling me this lazy shit needed one thing or another. Last time I flipped the fuck out and told her all that info was on the paperwork I filled out, she already had it and should stop being so lazy and do her fucking job, otherwise I wasted all that time filling out the forms for nothing. Seriously, what the actual fuck?! Is she dragging her feet or is she really this fucking lazy?!

I know I’ve shared this picture of my lilac bush before, but there’s a reason…

I recently got a call that I was approved for residency (which comes with too many stipulations I’m not comfortable with). Not long after, I was at my kitchen sink, looking out the window and I cried… Aside from that big, ugly ass shed I was going to have torn down, all I saw was my lilacs, all the maples, included the one I grew from a seedling that’s now easily 12 feet tall (still sapling thin) and all the other lovely trees and greenery… There’s a creek that runs behind the back fence and honeysuckle on the opposite bank that smells so sweet and lovely this time of year. I can’t have that if I move to this trailer. All I’ll see when I look out my windows are other people’s trailers. Is that what I really want…?

Maybe that’s hard for some people to understand… I grew up in a very rural area (in fact, our address was a rural drive number until they changed things). I grew up on a large area of land that was my great -grandparent’s (they bought in the early 1900s). We had a lot of trees and a creek much like this that ran through the property. I was a tom boy and a hippie. I wore flowers in my hair, climbed trees, and spent about 99% of my summers walking the creek instead of swimming in our pool. My mother would have difficulty keeping me out of the creek until it got warm enough to go in it (I rarely listened) and at the end near the main road was a patch of wild mint we would pick to make iced tea every year. It was so wonderful! The creek in my current backyard is not as nice as the one I grew up with, but… do I really want to give up the nature I have here just to have a single home that’s smaller than the one I’m currently in? Yes, out front it’s like living in the hood. But out back is paradise.

Worse, I just found out yesterday there’s this looney living in the same trailer park who baited live traps, caught three cats her neighbor owned, then dumped them by the creek in a nearby city (what most of you would call a large town) about 20 minutes away. Now this poor woman is desperately trying to find her cats… And it really freaks me out. I have 2 indoor cats and 2 dogs. What if any of them happened to make a grand escape? The cats haven’t tried anything yet, but who’s to say? And, if they do, what will become of my fur babies? I can tell you, I wouldn’t call the cops on this looney. I’d just go kick the shit out of her myself…One nice thing about bipolar disorder. You can behave badly and just blame it on that.

And what of the cat that adopted me, the stray I’ve decided to name Donovan? He looks like this guy, just nicer and not as beat up…

I have a feeling the poor guy had a home and was booted out of it and happened to wander here. He was here quite a while that I’d catch a glimpse of him. When he became more comfortable, I started to feed him. Yes, I know, not a good idea to feed them… But how could I not? I’m an animal lover. And he took to me too fast, which indicates he’s not feral, he was just afraid and distrustful of people. I don’t know what he went through before ending up here, but, if I move, I can’t take him with me. I can’t afford to get all those tests done to be sure he’s healthy, he may not like living strictly indoors, may not like other cats (he’s getting better with the dogs) and there are no foster homes right now. And I can’t abandon him again. If I do, he’ll never trust another human again.

Plus I have my constant stress, my friend Morticia… She irks my nerves. I’m friends with one of my exes who is constantly asking me to hook him up with a good woman. His standards are way too high, so I told them he had to give a little if he wanted someone. So I hooked him up with Morticia to get her away from the abusive Gomez. I think it’s going well so far. They seem to like each other. Sweet! I figured out a way to solve two problems with one simple hook up! Go me! Mind you, she was a bit weirded out at first. She never had a guy treat her nice. All her boyfriends or husbands were abusive in some way, so she doesn’t know how to handle things when my ex, we’ll call him Red, treats her nice or shows her concern. I told her she needs to learn to appreciate it and get used to it because it’s supposed to be that way.

So here I am, thinking, “I’ve done it!!!” But how wrong I was…

Morticia is still technically with Gomez. He knows nothing about Red and vice-versa. I don’t know why she hangs onto Gomez, he really is a horrible man (if you want to call him that). And every time he pisses her off, she calls me to bitch. That’s her own fault! I’ve been telling her to dump Gomez and get rid of him if she’s happy with Red. Instead, she and Gomez get into huge fights, which she bitches to me about, then when I tell her to break it off with him, she tells me she keeps hoping he’ll break u with her. Yeah, that’s really going to help your low self esteem… She’s always telling me how low her self esteem is, but, if you want to build it up, having Gomez break up with you won’t help! Besides, Gomez won’t break up with her so long as she keeps giving him rides to various places, cooking him meals and doing all the things she’s been doing all this time. But she won’t listen… I’m so done listening to this shit…

In the meantime, I’ll escape to a place where I have no stress. Animal Crossing New Horizons is kind of my life, now…

So, my dear readers… any thoughts on any of this shit with moving? What to do with Donovan? What to do with Morticia…?! Seriously, guys, I’m losing my mind, here. I could really use some advice or just thoughts on what you would do. So feel free to leave some comments, okay? I’d really like some fresh, unbiased input. And I pretty much need it at this point…