See this…? This was me yesterday… I should have just wrapped myself in tin foil (yes, I know it’s aluminum, but I grew up calling it tin foil) and saved myself as leftovers for today.

So, last entry I told you I had what they call ischemia on the EKG they did. Well, my family doctor didn’t seem to like the looks of it, so he called to get me into a cardiologist ASAP because, otherwise, I’d be waiting months. My family doctor is awesome… Anyway, he wanted them to see me either yesterday or today. No shit, they got me in yesterday. I saw the nurse practitioner, told her what’s been going on and, according to her, I had this on my EKG from 2 years ago when I was really stressed. Nice that the hospital told me that… Well, after our talk, she decided to have a stress echocardiogram done and have me wear a heart monitor halter for 24 hours. Sadly, I can’t get in until July 27th. So if I get worse, I need to go to the ER to get the tests done earlier. Sounds delightful…

Was I terrified…? You bet! I mean, I was going to see a cardiologist! I’ve never been to one and it’s a frightening concept. However, she did tell me it was nothing to get stressed and anxious over (trying to reassure the crazy anxious lady, I guess). But I was worried anyway. I mean, you can tell someone not to worry, but it’s not happening to you, so that’s kind of easy to say and expect people to practice. Itv really doesn’t work that way and she didn’t make me feel reassured. It also didn’t help that, when I called my mom, she insisted I call my sister (because she’s a nurse practitioner with a doctorate to teach) and it just made it worse. She told me to quit smoking because it causes you vessels to not be as flexible, or something to that effect. Yeah… Great idea to quit now when I’m trying to loose weight. Besides, I’ve had so much taken away from me already in my diet. No acidic or spicy food, not fatty food, now no carbs or sugar and the list of stuff I’m allowed is laughable. The woman yesterday told me no more caffeine… Now the only vice I have left is cigarettes! I’m sorry, I need to have one vice…

Since I was close to the bargain outlet, I went shopping! Nothing special… I bought 2 fantastic smelling candles and this fluffy carpet runner for the dining room. But it’s so my style, I had to have it!

You’ll have to excuse the ugly ass floor… It’s been here since I moved in over 14 years ago. I don’t know why, but the lady who owned it prior… She was weird… She stuck boards near the window tracks so no one could break in (even though the windows have locks). When I turn on the kitchen light, it says “no” because it was put in upside down. She ripped up all the carpet and put in cheap laminate (from the same bargain outlet, mind you) and covered the entire downstairs in it! Who does that?! And, when I went to put new laminate in the kitchen, I discovered why the floor was a bit higher than the others. All the people who lived here before just kept adding layers of laminate on top of one another! I had to tear off 2 layers before I got to the original stuff (which I should have kept, but it was pretty well shot) before I could rip that up and add new. I did, however, notice that that outlet had some nice, waterproof wood laminate flooring. That’s what I’ve been wanting to do for years, but never had the means or money for something so silly. Well, I do now. I almost bought some, but I need to measure the dining room to know how many boxes I need. If they sell out of something, it’s gone for good, so I need to make sure that I get it all at once. I also found the carpet color I’ve been looking for to do the living room! I hope it’s still there when I go back…

Baxter has been a regular nightmare when I get home if, god forbid, I had to go somewhere and couldn’t take him. He was bouncing off the walls so bad, I took him for a walk, despite how hot it was.

I also told him that, if he was a good boy, I’d take him to the creek for a drink. Where he’s standing now is nothing. A few feet from here was a spot so deep it would have at least reached my waist (and I’m tall). But he was loving the cool feel of the water. His entire belly and part of his chest were drenched because he went in so deep! I even joined him myself! When I was a kid, we had a creek running through our property and my mom could never keep me out of it. We had a pool, but I preferred the creek. There’s something soothing and magical about it. Every time I walk in a creek, I feel this way. I’m happy, content, grounded… A good creek is like therapy. Apparently it is for Baxter, too…

Also, 2 more of my My Little Pony anniversary toys came yesterday! One more is coming at the end of June… Then I’ll have all the characters from the original cartoon! There are 3 I didn’t get in the photo because my knees are killing me from my walk with Baxter and climbing stairs to get 3 ponies seemed painful. But, once the last arrives, I plan on taking a picture of them all. Ah, this brings back the nostalgia of my childhood that my mother carelessly threw away… But now I’m getting them back and in a few weeks I’ll have them all! I know it sounds silly… I’m old and I still like toys. But this was the only real girly obsession I had. And I love combing their hair! It’s very therapeutic to comb it, wash and condition it, make it look nice and feel so soft…

I was dreading my nightly call from Morticia, so you can imagine my surprise, when I saw she had gotten on Animal Crossing, she didn’t call me. I was elated! I think she’s the biggest part of my stress. I thought maybe she was mad because they actually did find something wrong with my heart and not hers and that’s why she didn’t call.

Nope… I got the early morning call again when she was driving to work. Belittling me, my doctors, giving me shit in general. Of course, then she turns it around on herself, “At least you don’t have ligament and tendon damage in your wrist.” She just found this out (From only an X-ray, not an MRI) yesterday. Okay, so… exactly how is that worse than me having a heart problem? unlike her, I don’t whine and put all my health concerns on Facebook to get pity. I write about them here, but that’s mostly because you guys either understand or know I’m not looking for pity. I’m just freaking out and venting because I need to.

Morticia is toxic to me, I know this… And it’s time I lay down the law and tell her either shut the fuck up or I can’t talk to her anymore.

Right now, I need a stress free environment so I can relax (stress can cause ischemia) and heal. I don’t need Morticia tell me my doctors are wrong, they shouldn’t scare me like that, that I’m wrong… Listen, I’m going to do what I have to in order to make my heart better again. I’d rather listen to a doctor than an idiot who uses a non-word like “disorientated” and pronounces Italian as “eye-talian”. Yeah… She need to keep her opinions to herself before I knock her the fuck out… That’s how it’s going to need to be…