Anyone else remember this tune? Or am I the only old fart on here?
When I was a kid, “What The World Needs Now Is Love” was one of my favorite tunes. I can remember just randomly singing it for no apparent reason whatsoever. I still randomly burst into song to this day. It’s a great way to relieve stress and lift your spirits. But, just so you’re aware, it only works with certain songs. You can’t just randomly burst into song singing “Master of Puppets” by Metallica (or any Metallica song for that matter) and expect it to lift your spirits. Well, maybe if you’re about to literally go postal, then yeah, it might work for you… But anyway, I’ve been singing this song quite a bit lately, along with all those Donovan tunes. It’s uplifting and very true. Not just then, but now as well.
My foot is feeling twitchy, too…
But, sometimes, what the world really needs is a good swift kick in the ass on a regular basis…
Like now… Riots, people trying to justify a man getting killed because he had a past… past… criminal record. So… Because a man had a criminal record and was trying to turn his life around, he deserves to get killed by a fucking cop?! You know, the people who point this shit out are part of the problem why there’s so much hate, fear and racism in the world…
I know someone who’s going to need a lot of toilet paper…
You know something…? Red Foreman is right. I know at least one person who is going to need a lot of toilet paper when I take my foot out of his ass…
As I mentioned yesterday, a cousin had sent me 5 mini novel texts (while I was sleeping) for me to see first thing in the morning. Just what I wanted… He literally works himself up into a frenzy over one given subject and it’s hard to get him to shut the fuck up! I just wasn’t in the mood… I saw the first sentence or 2 and just said, “Nope…” I didn’t respond and figured he’d get the hint.
This morning, I heard my phone go off and figured it was Morticia texting me to tell me to call her. Why she needs to talk to me on the way into work (on her breaks, 500 times a day…) I have no idea. And I was right, she had texted me. But I also saw I had 4 new mini novels from this cousin. All I saw was, “I’ve been studying the Civil War for over 25 years,” and I said, “Nope…” First of all, he’s maybe pushing 40 at this point. So to have studied it for over 25 years means you were too young at the time to grasp the whole concept. He’s such an ass… He tells me, “One of my best friends is black!” then, in the next breath, he’s freaking out because they want to take down a statue of… whoever the guy was that led the confederacy (I have no idea who it was, I never liked history). Then he goes off on another tangent because his great-great grandfather (a confederate) was killed, left in a ditch and never buried next to his wife. And he literally works himself into a frenzy over this shit! I try to tell him to chill, there’s nothing he can do about it, why get worked up? The reply I get is, “Well, I guess we’ll never see eye to eye on this…” What the actual fuck?!
I know someone who IS gonna take that challenge soon…
You gotta love people who flip out over ancient history, things that can’t be changed and then turn around and make you seem like the bad guy because you don’t agree…
I often get these tirade texts about how he put down someone’s “liberal” friend (what would he think if he knew that’s kind of how I am) or blaming shit on the democrats… Dude, seriously… Get a fucking grip and a fucking clue. You’d think that after all these times he’s texted my weird shit in the middle of the night and my responses were more along the lines of “you need to learn to let shit go” or I just don’t answer at all that I obviously have different views that fire him up even further and I don’t want to bother. I’m too fucking old, too fucking tired and have reached the point where I just don’t give a fuck about things out of my control. I wish he’d reach that maturity level already…
Serenity now…
I always feel bad when I unload in these entries… I really do…
I’m no better than this cousin if I’m going off on a tirade about him to you guys. But, if I don’t get it out, I swear I’m gonna take a fucking hostage! I really need some zen right now, which is why all the small improvements I’m making right now.
I think part of my issue is also because I haven’t been able to sit in my art area, my little world, for quite some time. My knees are in such extreme pain that I can’t walk up the stairs very often, let alone stay upstairs where it is at the moment. That’s my zen area… I need it in the worst way. So this is why I’ve decided to do things with my backyard to make it more zen-like. There are only 3 steps that lead into the yard and, some days, I have a hard enough time with that because it hurst so bad.
One of my biggest loves…
Since the weather is getting warm, perhaps I’ll take a visit to a nearby lake. They rent out sailboats… I hope they also rent people to show you how to work them.
I’ve had a love of sailboats for such a long time… Even just watching them as they gracefully glide by or seeing a picture of them brings me a sense of peace and serenity. But going out on one? Now that would be something…
I don’t understand the fetish with sailboats… Was it the fault of Christopher Cross and his 80s tune “Sailing“? This song still brings me that feeling of serenity… Maybe I was a sailor in a past life? Who knows… All I know is I’ve had this fetish for a longer time than I care to think about. So maybe I’ll spend some money to hire someone to take me out on that lake and just enjoy the peace and the day. No offense, but I think I’ve earned it…
I’ve been trying to stay inside and not go anywhere for a long time because, the two times I did go anywhere, I got so depressed and anxious that I cried. Thanks, COVID-19…
Besides, it’s been on the warm side and either raining or just sticky humid. I don’t do well with humidity… Hot is fine, but add humidity and I literally get sick for how hot it feels. Well, Sunday was actually a beautiful day! It was sunny, on the cooler side and it wasn’t humid! Plus, where I live, they had finally put us in the yellow zone (yeah, other places were free way before that) and I figured that might mean that, holy shit, there may be people! Seriously, whenever I went somewhere, it was like the movie I Am Legend where a virus turns people into these weird vampire people and he thinks he’s the only one left until he meets up with two others. So, since it was so nice, I decided to do some shopping for a few things…
That poor rose tree, riding in my back seat…
Off to Home Depot! Because, through all this isolation bullshit, the home improvement stores remained open, thank god… I mean, yeah, what if you had to replace something vital in your home? But most people were taking the this time to make minor home improvements because they were bored. I suddenly felt this overwhelming desire to try and jazz up my rotting old deck until I can get a new one built because it looks fucking awful… I decided to slap a few Band-Aids on it for the time being.
Yeah… a few… Let me tell you something. I went berserk in Home Depot. I think it’s because, holy fuck, there were people there! Yeah we were all wearing masks, but it seemed no one was listening to the 6 foot bullshit. And it is bullshit… A sneeze travels at 200mph. You think it can’t travel over 6 feet?! Anyway, aside from not being able to breathe well in a mask (I have asthma) and feeling like I was going to pass out at one point, I went a little crazy. I looked at every plant, flower and tree, outdoor lights and screen doors (of which I need mine replaced). I shopped until I almost dropped!
It was a tight squeeze…
Of course, I wasn’t thinking… but it’s amazing what you can fit in a Chevy Spark! As you can see…
The sad part is that I didn’t get very much, really. I got 2 bags of potting soil, 2 Asiatic lilies, a small lavender plant, 2 small plants (no idea what they’re called), a succulent planter, a hanging plant, a wooden planter, a big plastic planter, a set of lights, a string of rope lights, an outdoor pillow (I thought it would be nice for meditation) and a rose tree. The latter being the most expensive thing I got. So it seemed I wasn’t really spending much, right? Yeah… I nearly fell over when I was told my bill was a little over $285! How in the fuck did that happen?!
I think it’s pretty…
Well… it doesn’t matter. It’s not like I spend like this a lot and I really wanted to plant. It was like I was compelled to.
Ever since I can remember, I was always helping my mom and my great aunt plant this huge garden (my aunt grew it all) and she would plant flowers I would help with as well. I was always digging in the dirt. It made me happy. My mom is the same. She feels good when she’s digging in dirt and planting things. Maybe I was getting back to my roots, so to speak…
Okay, no more bad puns… I hate to admit it, but I had to ask for help with some things. I didn’t stop to think that these bags of potting soil weighed a ton and I had to drag all this stuff through my house and out the back door to the deck. I also needed help planting the rose tree so I could keep it stable while someone poured the soil in. Anyway… I got help. I planted the lilies (sadly, the yellow one lost a lot of petals through the trip in the car and repotting) and those little ones I don’t know the name of in the small wood planter. Doesn’t that look nice…? And I made sure to get perennials so they should all come back next year!
My beautiful rose tree
I loved this rose tree… I actually have a rose bush in the back that, at one time, was as crazy as the ones in the front of my house. Sadly, it began dying, strangled by these fucking wild grapes that keep growing. Imagine my surprise to find that it’s still growing and had roses! I didn’t ever have more than that before because my late dog, Nobu, was allergic to roses. I found that out after I planted the one in the yard. That poor dog…
Since he’s no longer with me, I wanted this rose tree. Especially when I learned you can keep it in a planter! Sweet! This was the one I needed a lot of help with. It was a little wobbly in the soil it came in, so I needed someone to pour the heavy bag of soil while I held the tree straight and dug out some of the soil from the bag, spreading it around. What a project! But I felt so great because I was doing the one thing I haven’t done in forever. I was digging in dirt and planting things. I was positively manic!
Not a spectacular look…
The lavender gets little flair in this whole thing…
I had a plant I bought last year that I set on the table. it was supposed to be a perennial, but it just died and nothing came back. What the fuck… So I put my little plant here on that table I had the other one on. Nothing very jazzy, but I really like lavender.
The red hanging plant I bought (it was a bit pricey) is an annual, sadly… However, I spoke to the girl who worked for the nursery all these plants came from and she said that, maybe if I brought it inside during the cold months, it might be okay and I can keep it going. Hey, what the hell… I might as well give it a try. I was thinking of doing the same thing and trying to grow patchouli. It needs a tropical climate so, technically, I could keep it out during those hot, humid months and bring it in when it gets cold and I should be able to grow my own. Right…?
It was amazing
While I was out back, I saw a male and female mallard fly overhead towards the creek in the backyard! Now, the same couple (mallards mate for life) had been visiting the creek every year for most of the time I lived here. But the last several years, I hadn’t seen them. I was so happy to see they returned!
Anyway, I eventually took a break and visited my favorite diner (which is a 10 minute walk from my house) because they had reopened. Sort of… The menu is limited and the owner set up picnic benches (that he built himself!) and a few tables in the parking lot. It was nice to dine al fresco! While I was sitting there, doesn’t a female mallard fly in and just stood there in the parking lot! Thank goodness phone cameras have a good zoom. I was far from her, but I got a nice shot! Well, she just kept standing there like nothing was going on and I was incredibly curious as to why. Was she hoping someone would throw her some fries or something…? I had no idea.
Look close…
Nope… I was told she had a nest with eggs in the flower bed in front of the diner! Again, I didn’t get too close, but close enough to zoom in and get this picture. Look very closely through the grass… See the nest with the eggs in it? Turns out mother mallard was waiting for the humans to leave to return to her eggs. And, eventually, waited very impatiently…
Someone had mentioned to me once that the Earth was starting to heal itself while we were in isolation. This kind of proves that, doesn’t it…? Before everything was shut down, a mallard would have never laid her eggs in such a place. Actually, it’s still kind of weird because there’s no body of water close to here… But it’s the point… Humans are the most dangerous things on the planet. When we can’t go out and pollute the air, create huge warehouses in rural areas that god knows why they’re necessary… When we stop doing the things that humans do every single day, look at the lovely results!
Aren’t they cool?
After grabbing a coffee at 7-11, I made my way home and decided to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
I sat out on my deck, something I haven’t done for a long time. I mean, look at the poor thing! Most of the lattice work is gone, now, some from age and some from my former neighbor’s dog (on the side you’re looking towards) who was more than a little touched in the head. He had a cleft pallet, was ugly as fuck and absolutely hated other dogs. Before him, I used to let my late dog and my current senior dog go out without a leash (the yard is completely fenced and was once holding together) and the crazy fuck next door used to also be let out without a leash. He literally ripped and bit off the lattice on one side to try and attack my dogs. I used to carry a bat out with me when I took them out.
My roses all lit up
I have nice neighbors, now, but the ones on that same side have one nasty dog. However, we kind of time when our dogs go so that we don’t get the nasty one fired up.
Anyway, I decided that, since my other neighbors were out and the ones with the crazy dogs were out a little while, that I would hang out myself. We chatted a bit, but, most of the time, I just lounged in my cheap plastic chair (I got a set for free) with my squishy pillow, bare feet resting up on my table, leaning back, relaxing while I played some Donovan tunes on my iPhone. It was so nice… There was a cool breeze blowing and I actually had to get a lightweight poncho to cover my arms against the breeze. I was loving it so much! I got to dig in dirt, plant things, string up lights and make my deck look as nice as possible despite the rot. I communicated with neighbors! Normally, I’m an antisocial butterfly. Conversation and interaction happen on my terms. When I’m done, I’m done. I can only tolerate so much. I think it’s that bipolar trait at work…
Loving the rope lights
So, as I was enjoying all this wonderful nature time, it began…
I had told my one neighbor I’d be paying for everything I’d done the next day. My timing was a bit off, though, it seemed. All of a sudden, I began sneezing and thought, “Nope…” So I told everyone it had started already and went inside. I knew I was going to pay yesterday for all I did and, man, did I… I spent the entire day congested with headaches, feeling so blah and tired. I ended up falling asleep before lunch and woke at 3:30 in the afternoon, not feeling any better. And my knees were screaming at me for all the abuse I put them through. I was a mess yesterday from all that fresh air and ungodly pollen. I knew it would happen. Always does…
I feel your pain, Raymond…
The point is, it was worth the $285 I spent. I was happy all day Sunday.
Then yesterday… I was already feeling like complete ass and just wanted to be left alone. Plus I wanted to keep hold of that happy, hippie dippy connecting with the Earth feeling. But don’t you know, Morticia called to bitch and whine about everything (what else is new) and, like the other day, I woke to 5 long texts, each from that die-hard Republican cousin, rambling on and on about the same things. Mind you, they’re not things he has control over and they’re things that are so far in the past. Not only that, he’s getting outraged over the stupid things going on in the world today and works himself up into a frenzy. I woke to this Saturday morning and yesterday morning. Literally bitching about the same exact things. And they’re not short texts. They’re short novels, each one of them. And all mention at some point that I should care about this shit, too. You know what, ‘cuz? Go hop on your soap box somewhere else and preach to someone who gives a flying figging fuck… Why can’t people let me keep my happy…?
Not the best picture…
But, dear readers, I’ll end this on a happy note…
Back in the beginning of January, I took my mood ring (that I loved) and was supposed to have no copper (that’s why it turned copper and made my finger look gangrenous) to a jeweler to get it in a new setting. Well, the guy who makes the jewelry said it could only be done in gold, which was over $700! Nope… Took me months to get it back from them and took it to my normal jeweler. They put it in a silver setting for less than half the price. I finally got it back this weekend! I was skeptical… It’s a pretty setting, but the glass stone sets up too high and I wasn’t sure I liked it… The jeweler tried it and said it still worked. It does, but, because the glass is so open on the sides, it’s just not the same. However, it’s grown on me the past few days and I’m coming around. It’s just nice to finally have my mood ring back after six months. And it’s pretty! Hippie dippy!
Normally, at this time, I would be jumping onto my Switch and playing Animal Crossing New Horizons to go about my daily routine (mind you, the only routine I seem to be able to stick with is in the game). But, I’ve decided to wait on that… I’m taking some time for me, to do things I’d like to do but never get the chance because they’re things I need to concentrate. It never fails, whether I’m drawing or writing, things where I get in that zen mode and time has no meaning and I’m oblivious to things around me, I get interrupted by some phone call or another. I swear to Christ, do these people have a fucking radar for this shit?! “Ooh, Jackie is watching her favorite show/is really into her creative work/is peeing and doesn’t have her phone on her. I better give her a call!” No lie, this is my life every mother fucking day. It’s annoying as hell. You’d think I’d just turn my ringer off and be done with it, right? Nope… If I’m on my laptop (which is a MacBook), it rings on here, too…
My saving grace…
So I’m taking time, before the fresh hell begins today, to write to you, my dear readers. And to listen to my playlist of early 1970s, French contemporary jazz.
I give to you the Montparnasse 2000 Library collection…
When I had my other car, it had a CD player and, I swear, the mix of these songs that I burned to a disc was permanently part of my CD player for about 2 years. I never took it out. I’m not sure why, but something about these tunes just mellows me and makes me feel good. I’m sure some of that has to do with the fact that a good handful of them were used as background music in my favorite anime, Kagaku Ninja Tai Gatchaman. That’s how it started… until I really began to listen to the tunes.
“Music for…”? I’m not sure, I didn’t take French.
See, that’s how this library of tunes started, to be used as background music for TV and game shows and the like. But, on their own, they’re amazing tunes, especially the early 70s ones. I suppose that’s why they went all the way up to, I believe, 1980 before they stopped making them.
I asked all over before finding that some of these tunes were the ones used in Gatchaman that weren’t part of the original soundtrack. So off to YouTube I went to find these elusive songs and found over 100 volumes! Wow! I found so much incredible music! My recommendations are artists such as Janko Nilovic, Daniel J. White, Jerry Mengo and J.P. Decerf to start with. Seriously, just search Montparnasse 2000 music library. You’ll find them. I don’t really recommend anything going up past volume 60, really. It gets a bit to much like disco. I mean, I love disco, but I felt that’s when these tunes lost their uniqueness and became more commercial.
I need this sign…
Alright, I’ll stop with the music lesson for today…
The reason I’m just chilling out and listening to my Montparnasse tunes and writing you fine folks is because I just need time with my thoughts…
My friend Morticia is enough to drive me to drink. A lot… I have no idea why, but she calls me constantly! I dread when she has a day off because I know we’re going to have this 2 hour marathon phone session. She calls me on her way to work, on every break, on her way home, a million times after she’s home… I know I’m not her only friend… Why me?!? And she doesn’t listen! If I have a doctor appointment or, like today, my mom comes over, I remind her and she still calls! “Oh, that’s right, your mom comes up on Fridays…” How can you fucking forget that?! They better do another CAT scan on her brain because I swear to god she has a brain tumor or something. Or maybe she just flat out has the IQ of a glass of Kool-Aid…
Should I send this as
And, of course, every conversation is the same, whining and/or crying about how she doesn’t feel well, she feels like she’s going to vomit, her hands hurt (she has rheumatoid arthritis, so I’m sure they do), how sick she’s been with her Crohn’s disease… But, god forbid you tell her to go to the doctor or hospital or, in the case of her Crohn’s, to eat what she’s supposed to, and you get the response, “Fuck that…” usually followed by, “All I need are some Xanax or Percs.” Listen, when you begin referring to Percocets as “Percs”, you have a drug addiction issue… And, if she’s not bitching about her health issues, telling me, “You don’t understand, I have ____” (yes, I don’t understand invisible illness, idiot), she’s bitching about Gomez.
I’m sure you guys know, I have enough of my own issues to worry about. Hell, I don’t even tell you about a lot of them because I’d rather keep them private for… Well, I have good reasons. Anyway… the point is that I don’t need her calling me a half dozen times or more a day for the same shit all the time. I don’t need to constantly hear her relationship, health or money woes. I have enough shit on my plate. And if you’re not going to do anything to change your life, shut the fuck up!!! She’s off until Tuesday and I just know I should be expecting the billion bitching phone calls…
Lord Sesshomaru from “Inuyasha”
Because of this, I’ve done exactly what you would expect of “Jackie Blue”…
I’ve been escaping into my own little world in one form or another…
My latest escape is that I’ve decided to binge watch the anime Inuyasha on Hulu. It’s such a wonderful story. And, as is usual with me, I seem more drawn to the villains than the heroes. Or the heroes that are a bit dickish…
For example, my favorite character in that anime has got to be Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha’s older half brother. He’s cold, calculating and devoid of emotion. Later in the series, we find he isn’t exactly devoid of emotion. He saves a little girl and then takes care of her in an odd sort of father/daughter fashion. I say odd because he pretty much lets her do as she wishes. Not good parenting, there, Sesshomaru… I always seem drawn to the bad boys of anime. Maybe because their characters are more complex. I once did this meme type thing, your top 10 favorite anime characters. The majority of the ones I chose were either villains or really complex characters. And, I’m sure you know, Sesshomaru made the list. There was no way that he wouldn’t…
That face…
Also.. look at him!!! Yeah, I know, I’m old… Maybe too old to find anime characters attractive. But, then again, the people who create them (old people like me, by the way) intentionally make them attractive. So is it weird? Not really… Most of us like to see beauty. Drawn characters are no different and… I’m getting distracted by the way his hair is flowing like that… It’s so fluid and lovely… Leave it to the Japanese to make things so mesmerizing…
My face when I get a text or my phone rings..
And I just heard I got a text message…
It’s getting to the point where I’m afraid to even look at my damned phone anymore…
I’m also getting texts and calls from the realtor and the woman who’s going to do the closing on the trailer I’ve decided not to buy… I’m not really sure what I want to say or how to tell her, especially after all the work we’ve done to get this… It’s a dilly of a pickle. Maybe I’ll just watch Sesshomaru’s hair for a while and zone out. It’s pretty mesmerizing to me and relaxing… I need it.
So… for those of you who have read my drivel for a while and to all the newbies (thank you all for reading!), I’m sure you’ve noticed a certain pattern. I talk about pretty much anything and everything, with two exceptions. I rarely, if ever, speak of religion and/or politics. They’re both very delicate subjects that I only bring up in conversation if I feel like having some fun watching people get all fired up over nothing while I stay calm and collected. It’s how I amuse myself. Don’t judge…
However, there is something that has been bothering me for years that I’ve never really brought up to more than a few people (who don’t like to speak of these things, either). What I’d love to do is make this long, lengthy Facebook post and just start spouting off about this shit, but my hands are a bit tied. Some of the people I’d like to blast out of the water are either family of some sort or friends of family. And despite how much I love rocking the boat, I can’t create the tsunamis I want to. I can barely make ripples…
I must have grown an awful lot…
I know that, no matter how nicely I express my opinions, no matter what logic I present people, they’ll still have a fucking stroke over anything I say, so I remain quiet. But yesterday… I think I reached my breaking point.
I’m not one who watches the news. Ever. I know people think I need to know what’s going on in the world. No I don’t… My depression and anxiety aren’t under control at all. Watching or reading news, having people telling me things in the news… they just get me more stressed, depressed and anxious. Maybe ignorance isn’t always bliss, but it’s better for me. However, I really feel the need to bring this up somewhere, despite my discomfort in doing so. And for those who are sensitive about politics and the like, I would stop reading now…
I know, I’m an atheist! But this seemed befitting…
I’m sure all of us are aware of what’s going on in the world right now (unless you’re living off the grid, in which case, how are you reading this?) We’ve all been in isolation too long because of COVID-19. If you have to leave your house (like I’ve done only twice), you see it’s not the world you know. Last time I went out, I had a meltdown and cried because this isn’t the world I know anymore and I don’t like it. If that weren’t enough, that poor man, George Floyd, was strangled, essentially, by a cop pinning him to the ground, knee in his neck, despite him stating he couldn’t breathe, until he was dead. People who tried to tell the other cops he was killing this man were threatened with mace. The cop wouldn’t even allow paramedics to check on George when they arrived. That’s fucked up… It’s a prime example of “absolute power corrupts, absolutely”. That man died over a $20 that seemed counterfeit. He died over $20… And then the world went bat shit crazy. The entire state of Minnesota broke out in destructive riots. Then Trump, in his infinite wisdom, chose his words poorly, stating “when the looting starts, the shooting starts”. I really think he should have worded that in a more professional, presidential manner because it just seemed to piss people off more. Everyone, think before you speak. Once it’s out there, it’s out there…
Yes it has…
So, now that we’re up to speed, I’ll continue…
I have a cousin I just recently began speaking to again (after years of being estranged). He often likes to go off on tirades, whether texting them to me or writing short novels on Facebook. It’s hard to not say something… He’s a die-hard Republican *shudders* which makes it difficult for me to keep my mouth shut. Yesterday, when commenting on the riots, he said, “I had no idea the Democrats wanted Trump out of office this badly!” So… instead of people saying, “The Devil made me do it” the new thing will be “The Democrats made me do it”?! See, this is the shit that bothers me. People use “Democrat”, “Liberal” and “Left-Wing” like they’re dirty words. And it seems only Republicans do this. I don’t believe I’ve ever heard any of the afore mentioned bash Republicans in this fashion. And I especially hate the term “Lib-tards” when referring to liberals.
Now you know I had to use this… I do love llamas!
I’m also not sure people fully understand the terms of “right-wing” and “left-wing”. Wikipedia describes it as: Generally, the left–wing is characterized by an emphasis on “ideas such as freedom, equality, fraternity, rights, progress, reform and internationalism” while the right–wing is characterized by an emphasis on “notions such as authority, hierarchy, order, duty, tradition, reaction and nationalism”. So call me “left-wing” if you must, call me “liberal” if you must. I still like it better than the alternative. Actually, I’m kind of my own thing… I don’t fit fully into either group.
My theory on why the world has gone mad is simple… You lock people up for months, change how the entire world works, shut everything down, all because of a virus. Albeit an unpleasant virus that has been the cause of a lot of deaths. But the percentage of people who have died from it is .03%. Wearing our masks and social distancing isn’t why that percentage is so low. But they don’t report that. They report only the bad things to keep us living in fear. What the hell is wrong with this world?! So people are already losing their shit, then an injustice occurred and it was the final straw that broke the camel’s back, plain and simple. That’s why people are acting like animals. They’re getting out their pent up frustration over the way the world is and the police brutality that’s been a thing forever.
Scoff if you want… I was born a hippie and will die one
Yeah, yeah… I know. Me and my hippie-dippy crap, right?
Yeah, that’s me… a modern day hippie. But you want to know something…? They seemed much happier than people are today. Today, people seem very buttoned-up and constipated. But, I suppose it was the same then, too, right? You had the free-spirited hippies and the buttoned-up and constipated rest of the world. You know which group was happier…? The hippies! You know why…? Because, in their eyes, peace, love, compassion for all things, despite race, creed, color or religion was what they focused on. Love for the Earth, leaving it in peace, not destroying it. Love for all creatures and living things. Things that were lost along the way… except for a few of us who were born hippie. I’m not sure what the fuck happened with me… My parents were certainly not hippies. I have no idea where this shit in me comes from. But I embrace it.
Speaking of… A few entries ago I was torn between staying where I’m at and moving. In a trailer, I’d look out my windows and see someone else’s trailer. Here, I look out the back window and see trees, a creek running through the yard, plants, flowers… nature. I grew up in a lot of nature. In fact, I feel my best when I feel connected with nature, with the Earth. I was afraid to give that up for fear I’d be more unhappy than I am living in the hood. Some think it’s silly for me to base my decision solely on that alone, but I’ve decided. I’m staying here. I need my nature and that beauty. I need to feel grounded…
Happy Anniversary, Reese and Cyrus!
I’ll end this bummer of a post with something happy! I know, some of you have no interest in video games, but 2 of the Animal Crossing characters are celebrating their anniversary all month and I get to decorate and be photographer for them. Yesterday, after I decorated for the reception, Reese (the bride) wanted a party with my villagers. I thought this was the cutest screen shot I took. It’s nice to have some sort of celebration where you can be close together, no masks, and just party. And it’s super cute! Thus brings us to the end of my bummer of a post. Sorry… I’ll try to be happier next time.
Remember a few entries back when I said the doctor thought the rash starting on my hip was shingles…? Yeah… I’m pretty positive she’s right.
So she prescribes this shit called Vralar that’s supposed to help with shingles. Up until that point, it wasn’t too terribly large a spot and wasn’t too terribly dark. And it didn’t hurt or itch. The next morning, after one dose, it itched like a mother fucker, hurts when I touch it and it looked worse! So, another call to the doctor, sent her a picture… Now I’m supposed to take Benadryl and use Benadryl ointment. It looks worse every day, I swear to Christ… I guess I should just be thankful I only have this one spot about the size of a stretched out silver dollar. But at this point, it kind of looks like I have Jupiter’s great red spot on my hip. And it seems just as violent… Oh my god, the itch!!!
My brain is much more cluttered…
They say stress can make you break out in shingles, which I think is kind of weird… I’ve been extremely stressed before and never had this issue. I hope this doesn’t become a regular thing…
I’ve been so stressed out by a lot of things. Bad news with my health, more diet changes, freaking the hell out as the window gets smaller and smaller on when I need to make a decision as to what I’m doing on my house and the fat piece of lazy shit who runs the trailer park had still not given an answer to me, the realtor or the sellers. And I can’t tell you how many times in the last week that I got messages from my realtor, telling me this lazy shit needed one thing or another. Last time I flipped the fuck out and told her all that info was on the paperwork I filled out, she already had it and should stop being so lazy and do her fucking job, otherwise I wasted all that time filling out the forms for nothing. Seriously, what the actual fuck?! Is she dragging her feet or is she really this fucking lazy?!
Ah, nature…
I know I’ve shared this picture of my lilac bush before, but there’s a reason…
I recently got a call that I was approved for residency (which comes with too many stipulations I’m not comfortable with). Not long after, I was at my kitchen sink, looking out the window and I cried… Aside from that big, ugly ass shed I was going to have torn down, all I saw was my lilacs, all the maples, included the one I grew from a seedling that’s now easily 12 feet tall (still sapling thin) and all the other lovely trees and greenery… There’s a creek that runs behind the back fence and honeysuckle on the opposite bank that smells so sweet and lovely this time of year. I can’t have that if I move to this trailer. All I’ll see when I look out my windows are other people’s trailers. Is that what I really want…?
This looks like home to me…
Maybe that’s hard for some people to understand… I grew up in a very rural area (in fact, our address was a rural drive number until they changed things). I grew up on a large area of land that was my great -grandparent’s (they bought in the early 1900s). We had a lot of trees and a creek much like this that ran through the property. I was a tom boy and a hippie. I wore flowers in my hair, climbed trees, and spent about 99% of my summers walking the creek instead of swimming in our pool. My mother would have difficulty keeping me out of the creek until it got warm enough to go in it (I rarely listened) and at the end near the main road was a patch of wild mint we would pick to make iced tea every year. It was so wonderful! The creek in my current backyard is not as nice as the one I grew up with, but… do I really want to give up the nature I have here just to have a single home that’s smaller than the one I’m currently in? Yes, out front it’s like living in the hood. But out back is paradise.
Let Meow-t!!!
Worse, I just found out yesterday there’s this looney living in the same trailer park who baited live traps, caught three cats her neighbor owned, then dumped them by the creek in a nearby city (what most of you would call a large town) about 20 minutes away. Now this poor woman is desperately trying to find her cats… And it really freaks me out. I have 2 indoor cats and 2 dogs. What if any of them happened to make a grand escape? The cats haven’t tried anything yet, but who’s to say? And, if they do, what will become of my fur babies? I can tell you, I wouldn’t call the cops on this looney. I’d just go kick the shit out of her myself…One nice thing about bipolar disorder. You can behave badly and just blame it on that.
Our stray looks like this, just not so rough…
And what of the cat that adopted me, the stray I’ve decided to name Donovan? He looks like this guy, just nicer and not as beat up…
I have a feeling the poor guy had a home and was booted out of it and happened to wander here. He was here quite a while that I’d catch a glimpse of him. When he became more comfortable, I started to feed him. Yes, I know, not a good idea to feed them… But how could I not? I’m an animal lover. And he took to me too fast, which indicates he’s not feral, he was just afraid and distrustful of people. I don’t know what he went through before ending up here, but, if I move, I can’t take him with me. I can’t afford to get all those tests done to be sure he’s healthy, he may not like living strictly indoors, may not like other cats (he’s getting better with the dogs) and there are no foster homes right now. And I can’t abandon him again. If I do, he’ll never trust another human again.
Yes, I do…
Plus I have my constant stress, my friend Morticia… She irks my nerves. I’m friends with one of my exes who is constantly asking me to hook him up with a good woman. His standards are way too high, so I told them he had to give a little if he wanted someone. So I hooked him up with Morticia to get her away from the abusive Gomez. I think it’s going well so far. They seem to like each other. Sweet! I figured out a way to solve two problems with one simple hook up! Go me! Mind you, she was a bit weirded out at first. She never had a guy treat her nice. All her boyfriends or husbands were abusive in some way, so she doesn’t know how to handle things when my ex, we’ll call him Red, treats her nice or shows her concern. I told her she needs to learn to appreciate it and get used to it because it’s supposed to be that way.
I need this on a shirt…
So here I am, thinking, “I’ve done it!!!” But how wrong I was…
Morticia is still technically with Gomez. He knows nothing about Red and vice-versa. I don’t know why she hangs onto Gomez, he really is a horrible man (if you want to call him that). And every time he pisses her off, she calls me to bitch. That’s her own fault! I’ve been telling her to dump Gomez and get rid of him if she’s happy with Red. Instead, she and Gomez get into huge fights, which she bitches to me about, then when I tell her to break it off with him, she tells me she keeps hoping he’ll break u with her. Yeah, that’s really going to help your low self esteem… She’s always telling me how low her self esteem is, but, if you want to build it up, having Gomez break up with you won’t help! Besides, Gomez won’t break up with her so long as she keeps giving him rides to various places, cooking him meals and doing all the things she’s been doing all this time. But she won’t listen… I’m so done listening to this shit…
Breakfast At Tiffany’s
In the meantime, I’ll escape to a place where I have no stress. Animal Crossing New Horizons is kind of my life, now…
So, my dear readers… any thoughts on any of this shit with moving? What to do with Donovan? What to do with Morticia…?! Seriously, guys, I’m losing my mind, here. I could really use some advice or just thoughts on what you would do. So feel free to leave some comments, okay? I’d really like some fresh, unbiased input. And I pretty much need it at this point…
and She Said... 