I’ve been terrible about getting proper sleep lately…

For a few months, now, I’ve been binge watching various shows on Hulu. Recently, I began binge watching the anime Black Butler. Idiot that I am, I’ve been watching it at night. And, if the episode is a cliff-hanger, you know I’m watching the next episode because I can’t leave it on a cliff-hanger until the next day! That would be sacrilege! Meaning my dumb ass is staying up past midnight lately. And my alarm is set for 5:30AM… I haven’t been sleeping a lot…

Honestly, I don’t see why it matters if I leave it on a cliff-hanger or not. About 8 years ago (holy shit, it’s been that long?!) I had downloaded the 2 seasons out at the time onto my old laptop and binge watched from the time I got up until I went to bed. Literally, all day… I believe it took something like 2 or 3 days to finish watching those seasons. So I’ve already watched it once and know what happened. Why does it matter if I leave it on a cliff-hanger? Perhaps it’s because it’s been so long since I watched it and I can’t stand to not finish a plot…

Of course, part of the reason I’m not sleeping good is this right here..

Don’t let that adorkable little face fool you… Those sad eyes and innocent face… He’s anything but innocent. I can’t tell you how many times he’s either woken me up in the middle of the night to play by either jumping on me or giving me a wet-willie by licking the inside of my ear. Yeah, apparently this is his favorite thing and he tries to do it to everyone who’s ears are within range… He also wakes me up in the morning, sometimes way before my alarm goes off, in the same fashion. He’s also woken me up because he heard, well, nothing, I assume… All of a sudden, he just starts barking, loud, at nothing and scares the shit out of me! Not a way that you want to be woken up… Other times, I hear him galloping through the house at warp 10 chasing one of the cats. But no matter what he’s up to, it’s difficult to sleep when he’s in a mode. I really don’t sleep much…

All that aside…

I got a call from the cardiologist’s office yesterday. Let me tell you something… I was shitting my drawers when I saw that number pop up on my phone. When I turned the monitor back in, I was told they would only call me if something was abnormal. You can imagine why I was scared out of my mind for those few seconds… However, it wasn’t like they were going to go away or any issues would go away if I didn’t answer the phone.

Turns out I didn’t need to be so scared. They told me that everything was normal on the monitor! My first thought was “Thank god!” with an overwhelming sense of relief. Then, in true bipolar fashion, my mood changed like a car going from 0-60 in no seconds. The fleeting thought of relief was instantly replaced by my getting a bit pissed, “Bitch, seriously?! You called and scared the fuck out of me to tell me it’s normal?!” I swear, there is no winning with my brain…

But that wasn’t the worst part…

I was on the phone, unhappily, with Morticia at the time. So when I was done with my call and had to resume conversation with her, you know she asked what they had said. I told her that the monitor results were normal, to which she said, “Oh, see? You’re fine!” My response to this was to remind her that they still had the stress echocardiogram to perform. As usual, I was scoffed at for worrying about it. In her mind, I suppose, if one is good, the other will be as well. However, I have the worst of my symptoms when I’m being physically active, worse if I’m in the heat while doing so. And having to wear these fucking masks all the time isn’t helping that… Still, she seems thoroughly convinced that will also be fine because, you know, god forbid if someone is seriously ill and it isn’t her. Crazy Munchausen’s bitch… I, for one, am going to remain slightly relieved and won’t be totally relieved until the stress echo on the 27th…

Then the bitching began…

Admittedly, she does have one issue that’s a legit worry right now, so I didn’t mind her venting… Her adult son and his girlfriend have a major legal issue at the moment. It seems he bought 2 THC cartridges from a drug dealer the cops have been watching. Mind you, they didn’t know he was in that guy’s apartment, just that he was in the same building. He only bought 2 grams, which really isn’t enough to press the charges they’re pressing against him and his unsuspecting girlfriend who was driving. Right now, they’re charged with possession of both drugs and paraphernalia as well as some other bullshit charge. But here’s the thing… Her son was told that, if he didn’t snitch on the dealer, they would press charges. Seriously?! Blackmailed my state cops, people meant to protect and serve… Are they going to protect him if he does snitch…? You bet they won’t… I’ve never been for the cops. I’ve seen them turn a blind eye to real issues here in the hood and I’ve seen the corruption. I’m not a fan…

I didn’t mind that bit of venting. I’d be in a state, too, if I was in her position.

But you know it didn’t stay that way… The real bitching started after that. And she bitches about shit that she has control over. Your so-called “friend” is using you? Grow a set and stand up for yourself! She tells me she does, but what she calls standing up to someone and my version are 2 different things. Personally, I would love to talk to this asshole “friend” and let her have it, mainly because she’s a fucking asshole that rubs me the wrong way. I have no qualms over making someone cry. I can be cruel and ruthless without batting an eye… Anyway, Morticia was also bitching about Gomez… again… “I can’t bring myself to care anymore (lie), my health is more important than putting up with his shit.” So I tell her, again, dump him. She tells me it’s coming. Yes, it’s always coming… Interestingly enough, I wonder if that will work for me. She’s detrimental to my health (the reason the stressed out heart issues began), so I guess I don’t need to care, right…? Because I don’t…

Do you know why I bore everyone to tears with Animal Crossing stuff? It’s for the same reason I named my island Zen Isle… To have some fucking peace…

Seriously, that is one of the biggest reasons why I play so much and try to share little bits like this. In reality, I couldn’t afford to live right next to the ocean (a source of serenity for me) or live on such a large plot of land with lots of trees, flowers, a pool, these cool decorative moon chairs (that I wish really existed because they’re awesome), waterfalls all around and beautiful landscaping. Christ, if I were able to have all these things in real life, I’d have to be a fucking millionaire a few times over! But in the game… I have my own private beaches and rigged things so the other villagers can’t trespass. It’s my own private paradise of serenity and zen. The whole island is a serene place, full of nature and beauty.

It’s also the only creative outlet I have right now… Morticia has me so whacked out and stressed that I’ve lost what little I had left at the time. Being creative has always been a zen thing for me and she’s just pounding me full of bad vibes. Oddly enough, my kind-hearted villagers seem to know this and write me uplifting letters or say kind things. No judging, no bitching… just kind words. I need that… It’s also the only creative thing I can do while I’m stuck on the phone with her for hours on end. Even if I get inspired, every time I sit down to write or draw, which is a big “do not disturb” flag, she has a knack for calling right when I’m sitting down to create and the mood and idea is lost… I can’t do this anymore… I need my time. I’m severely irritated when she infringes upon it constantly.

There’s also another advantage… I can be a fucking pirate! Hell yeah!

Hahahaa… No, seriously, I really like the fact that I can dress however I want and my villagers seem to think everything I wear is awesome. I have a weird sense of fashion that make people look at me like I have 2 heads. I dress much like they did in the late 60s/early 70s. You know, when clothes were freakishly ugly and funky and, apparently, it didn’t matter if things matched. In my little world, here, I can dress how I want and no one cares how it looks. And… I can be a fucking pirate! Halloween is one of my top favorite holidays because I get to dress up and be whoever and whatever I wish. Do it all year long and you guarantee yourself a stay in the looney bin… But not in my game. If I want to be a pirate, I can be a fucking pirate any time I want! And I want to be a pirate…!