I know what you’re thinking… But try to understand. I’m fucking old… When I think of Wonder Woman, this is who I envision, Linda Carter. I watched this show growing up, so to me, she’ll always be the only Wonder Woman. Although the new version has a much better outfit…

Okay, she’s making me feel bad and ruining my manic high… I used to have a body like that before menopause… *sigh*

Alright, enough about that… Let’s get on with this, shall we?

I’ve been on this manic high since yesterday afternoon, literally feeling like Wonder Woman. Is that a good thing…? I’m not sure. It is and it isn’t. It kind of depends on how long it lasts. The more days I’m manic, the worse the crash after it’s over. Would I love to just ride this wave and enjoy every second of it? Fuck yeah! But it’s always there, in the back of my mind… I know the crash will come and it will be really ugly. How pathetic that I can’t even enjoy feeling good because I know the crash is inevitable. The downside to being bipolar…

That’s better… Drawings don’t make me feel as bad…

Anyway… You may be curious as to why I’ve been feeling like Wonder Woman. I’ll tell you! I finally had my appointment with the cardiologist yesterday (I had to cancel my last one because my town was flooded). I so did not expect what he told me. As for my Holter monitor results, he said they were the best he’s ever seen, especially with my age and the fact that I smoke. He literally kept shaking his head in amazement and said, “Christ… I don’t even have anything to yell at you for!” He was a funny guy! My stress echocardiogram was just as good! He really was amazed! And as for my abnormal EKGs… First off, it’s a very slight abnormality in the electrical system. It sometimes takes that current a bit longer than usual to go from the top to the bottom. But it’s so slight, it’s nothing to worry about and he said I was born with it. He also gave me copies of my results and told me they were so good I could frame them! I just might! I left there feeling young again and very much like Wonder Woman!

And this is how the whole thing started…

I knew I was in a hyper manic state, but I didn’t care. I was talking at a thousand miles an hour, being the overly friendly social butterfly, feeling so young and invincible… It felt fucking amazing! I don’t get hyper mania often (it’s usually hypo mania) so I was reveling in this feeling of euphoria that happens so seldom. I didn’t stop reveling as much as I was until I realized a crash would eventually come. Then I calmed down a bit. But I still feel young and invincible even this morning. How awesome is that?! It’s that sense of relief, of knowing the thing that causes me the most anxiety (thinking I’m going to have a heart attack) is all in my head and my heart is oddly healthy for my age and the amount I smoke. Plus menopause… Damn! Whatever I’m doing, I’m going to keep doing it! Healthy living is, apparently, not always best. Not for me, so it seems…

So I’m still feeling this way when I see someone commented on a friend’s post on Facebook. I knew that maiden name… Back when I was in high school, she was one of the many people who treated me like shit. I was poor, I got free lunch, I wore clothes from K-Mart… I wasn’t very pretty (though there was a reason I never tried to be called pervy old men). This girl, and a lot of others, acted so fucking superior and treated me like I was beneath them and lower than dog shit. Yeah, I know, I shouldn’t hold grudges, but they had no idea how bad their treatment hurt me and how it still effects my self-esteem to this day. Well, I decided to check out her profile and saw a picture of her… Oh… my… god… She’s fat!! And I don’t mean like how I say I’m fat, I mean fat like in this comic! And she looks so old! I’m feeling very superior myself, now. I don’t think that’s a good thing… But next year I have a reunion coming up (I’ve never gone to any) and I think I’ll work out, get back in shape and actually go to this one. For once, I want to be the superior one!

Surprise… I’m a bit of an asshole! But if you’ve been reading my posts, you probably already knew that… That’s okay. Call me a bitch, an asshole, crazy… I really don’t care. I own that shit…

And speaking of shit…

Morticia hasn’t called me in days (it’s a miracle) and I think it’s largely due to the fact that I was feeling really ill since my toenail removal. The stress of it literally made me physically sick as does looking at it. Anyway, she called yesterday morning, so I decided to be nice and answer it. I know I shouldn’t have, but again, she’s still sort of family and I need to keep things civil and not rock the boat. But I really wish I wouldn’t have… Talking to her is like talking to the world’s biggest and most annoying idiot. Half the time I don’t listen and the other half of the time I spend either face palming or making weird faces at my phone… or chucking the finger…

So let me give you a brief rundown on why she’s stupid… Back when Morticia moved into her rental home, a friend of hers was going to move in to help with expenses. She moved a few things in, including her cat, but never moved in and screwed Morticia (hence one reason why she can’t pay her bills). Worse, this woman abandoned her cat and expected Morticia to care for it. For over half a year I’ve heard her bitching about this so-called “friend”. Then yesterday, she calls me up in a blubbery state to tell me her “friend”, the very same one, had had her second stroke and was going for surgery to remove an artery from her leg to put in her neck where she’s had the clots. Morticia tearfully told me this “friend” might die…

The thought had crossed my mind to point out exactly how stupid this whole thing was… All she’s done for months is bitch, “She really fucked me and now I’m stuck with her fucking cat!” This woman isn’t very nice… She dumped her daughter to live with friends of hers, she dumped her cat on Morticia, and her solution to the cat issue was that, if she took her back, she was going to have to put her down. Never mind that the cat is lovable and in good health. Obviously, she’s a flake who shirks responsibility. Yet there was Morticia yesterday, in tears, telling me this woman may die. Obviously I felt nothing… I don’t know her and what I do know of her doesn’t deserve an ounce of pity from me at all. If I could feel pity… The point is, I was just dumbfounded by this. I had thought that, maybe, I should point out how illogical it was for her to get so upset over someone who had fucked her over, but it’s wasted on her, I know. We’ve had many conversations where my opinion is to say “fuck them” and she whines she can’t do that because she’s not like me, she cares about people. Yeah, you care about using them. And was that an insult towards me…?

Okay, WordPress is suddenly fucking with the images, here… Fix that shit!

Anyway… I know I’ve had conversations with her as to why I only care for a handful of people. To a certain degree, I’m a bit of a sociopath. Not fully, mind you, but I do have some of the traits. Not giving a flying fuck about 99% of the people I know is one of them. Yet she always tells me that I’m not like that and she knows I’m not, she knows how I am and that I care for people. Really… She doesn’t know me. No one really does in that respect. I let them see what I want them to.

Over my many years, I’ve successfully found a way to avoid uncomfortable situations and issues. I can feign emotions I don’t have, though not always as well as I’d like.

And to be honest, I’m starting to not hide my true feelings with her… She thinks she’s subtle when using people, but she’s not… Yesterday she told me she got the biopsy results from her hysterectomy but didn’t understand a lot of the terms. “I took a screen shot so maybe you can ask you sister (the nurse practitioner) or maybe you’d know.” Yes, I’m just a walking medical encyclopedia… I told her to Google it, which she asked me to do. What the fuck…

You know, if her IQ is as high as mine, as she claims, why the fuck can’t she figure out how to Google big technical terms?!

I don’t have time or patience for any of this happy horse shit… I have much better ways to waste my time.

Actually, I haven’t been wasting it… Since she hadn’t called me in days, I took advantage and decided to start writing in my one story again! No, it’s not one I’m writing to publish (I have a few I wouldn’t mind trying that with), it’s the one I use for self therapy. I need time to write in it or I start losing my shit…

On a much more disturbing note…

I had to call the toe doctor the other day because my nail bed isn’t healing very well and what the fuck is that lumpy shit on the top of the nail bed?! He asked me to send pictures to his cell, which I did. He said it didn’t look infected, upped my soaking time to 15 minutes 3 times a day and suggested I leave it uncovered overnight. Which I did last night…

You can see how well that went… Did you ever see the remake of The Fly with Jeff Goldblum…? You know, the part where his giant fly self melded together with the telepod… That’s how my toe and sock felt this morning. Ouch! Yeah I know, I shouldn’t have worn socks. But it was either that or have my toe ooze all over sheets and blankets. A sock was better. Thankfully, it wasn’t too terrible a separation, minus the sock fuzz and pt hair still stuck to my toe when I took this picture. It’s still sore, especially where that funky skin is on top, and it’s just not scabbing over. Hopefully the air will help it dry. Hell, that little red dot on the bottom of my toe? That’s where he shot in the local. Yup, I still have a needle mark there…

That was gross, I know. So I’ll leave you with something pleasant. Just please don’t mind the background mess… I need everything close to me and can’t clean because walking is still weird and painful.

The other day, this was the scene on the loveseat. Amazing! Both dogs laying together and getting along! It’s no secret that Miko (the Shiba Inu) hates Baxter (the corgi). So seeing this was a rare treat! And, as you can see, they’ve confiscated the love seat… It’s all stained from dirty paws and the pillows are shredded… I’m not happy about that… But we’re not going to discuss my dislike of the dogs ruining things on my house. I just wanted to leave you with a really adorkable picture of Baxter and Miko being kind and tolerant for once. Mark that on your calendars…