This is Grimoire, my current favorite Fortnite skin doing my favorite emoji for the song “Say So” by Doja Cat. No reason for this being here… It’s just that this emoji has given me a new song to obsess over for a while, that’s all… And I like this dance.

Anyway… So I got my COVID results back and they came back negative. I’m a little leery on that. I mean, when I was tested months ago, I knew it wasn’t COVID because it was rag weed season and I’m always a hot mess that time of year. But this time was different. I never loss my sense of smell completely no matter how congested I was. I have some other symptoms as well, like the loss of appetite, nausea, food tastes downright wrong, I’m doing nothing but sleeping and I just feel run down and like complete ass. And I’ve been feeling worse since this all started. My sister (the nurse practitioner) and her doctor boyfriend said I should get retested, especially since they only tested one side of my nose. My family doctor seems to think I’ll be fine, but I really feel lousy. So either retest me or test me for H1N1 (the flu) because something funky is going on in my body.

Now, with the negative result, it told me that I should continue to quarantine as long as I’m having symptoms and if they persist or worsen to call my family doctor, which I did.

He tells me I should be good to go, but the hospital where I got the test done said continue to quarantine. The doc told me he didn’t think that was necessary. My sister and her boyfriend say quarantine and get retested.

So here’s my question… What the fuck do these people want from me?!?

No, that’s a serious question… People are being told by their jobs to stay home for a sniffle (and you need a doctor’s note saying it’s okay to return), Even though I’m negative, I’m supposed to quarantine as long as I have symptoms but the family doctor says I can go back to work, so… which is it?!? Christ, I don’t know if I should scratch my watch or wind my ass these days!

I have no idea what to do at this point… Should I start my new job (if I still have it since, you know, I had to call off my first day and quarantine) or should I get retested for COVID and tested for the flu as well? Should I go work in a record store in the mall around a lot of people or should I be responsible and stay home to not infect other people? I don’t know… But I do have to call my new boss today and let her know what the fuck I’m doing…

This COVID shit is getting to be a real pain in the ass… No one seems to know exactly what they should be doing because everyone tells you something different all the time. The rules change at the drop of a hat and if you don’t keep up with it, you’re going to get fucked. So the fucking hell with it… I’m just going to do what I think is the right thing to do and follow that. I’m tired of all this indecision. Make up my fucking mind as to what you want us to do and all of you stick with the same protocol. Problem solved…

On a different note…

Morticia has been driving me bat shit insane… We’re doing this thing again where she calls me a million times a day, sometimes one right after the other if I don’t pick up, to dump all of her shit on me. And believe me, if I thought she was dumping shit on me before, I was wrong. That pales in comparison to the shit getting dumped on me now. She’s also been taking out her aggressions about her personal matters on me and it’s really starting to piss me off. Don’t personally attack me just because your life sucks right now. Not my circus, not my monkeys… I didn’t make it suck, I’m not having this where I get attacked like I was personally responsible for whatever pickle is up your ass… I’ve been trying to avoid her, but it’s not always possible to do so. Though I think I found a solution to the problem. Perhaps I should buy her this journal for Christmas. I don’t think she’ll get the hint, but hey, there’s always hope.

Even my hippie-dippy shit isn’t helping me right now…

Honestly, I’m just totally fed up and disillusioned with human beings in general and the world as a whole. My depression and anxiety levels have been rising slow and steady (sometimes spiking quickly). And I was doing so much better being off some of my meds… But then the election shit happened. And Morticia became a huge hemorrhoid again… And all this COVID shit… And I don’t know if I’m ready to try having a part time job again, but there it is… I’m seriously starting to lose my shit and I’m not sure what to do. Yeah, it’s nice that people are trying to encourage me, telling me that this will be a great opportunity for me, working this job, but I still have a lot of reservations about it and I’m not sure it’s the right decision.

At this point, I think I should just go off the grid and say fuck it… I have to get away from all the crazy in the world because it’s making even molehills seem like mountains anymore…