So here we are… the day after Christmas.

This is actually one of the days I hate most out of the entire year for reasons that I’m sure a lot of people experience… the dreaded “post Christmas letdown”. I mean, obviously I’m suffering from something. I was just ditty-bopping to “Video Killed The Radio Star”… Who does that?! Yeah, people having a mental moment, that’s who…

But songs from my childhood aside…

It doesn’t matter how good or how shitty the presents you got were, how great or shitty a time you had, whether you spent it with family or all alone in peace and quiet. Most of us experience that “post Christmas letdown”. And let’s face it, the reason we experience it isn’t because of our Christmas Day experiences. It’s because we look forward to that day for what can feel like an eternity, usually from around the Happy Hallothanksmas season begins (there are no separate holidays anymore, folks). Then the day finally arrives! Then, just like that, it’s over and feels very anticlimactic. *Sigh*

Technically, I had 2 Christmases… sort of. December 24th is what they call “Toy Day” in Animal Crossing. I helped the reindeer, Jingle, pass out presents from Santa to some of my villagers (a few gave me one in return) then I got to do gift exchanges with them. It was actually kind of fun! And I was feeling so festive that I decided to set up a cute scene with my character and villagers. It was pretty cute!

Christmas was also weird this year…

My sister went a little to the extreme with the whole COVID situation… I had to set the presents I bought for her, her boyfriend, my nieces and the boyfriend of one of them out on my porch for her to pick up and she dropped off what she’d bought. I thought that was a little weird…

What was weirder was when we did a FaceTime call so I could see them opening presents. She answered the call with a mask on and I asked what the hell for. I was told they were practicing safety and social distancing. Seriously?! These are your daughters! What the fuck is up with that?!

Anyway… Surprisingly she didn’t get me art supplies this year. Instead, she got me a lot of Corgi items (a shirt, socks, dish towel, ornament, mug), these Snoopy slippers (I love Snoopy) and these socks titled “Poe-ka Dots”! Aren’t they a scream?! I didn’t even know she knew I liked Poe! Either way, they are now my new favorite socks! I just love funky socks!

And, to my surprise, I got Snuffles!

In my late teens, I used to frequent a store called Noah’s Ark, a place that sold stuffed animals and a few toys. I always adored the Gund stuffed animals, in particular this bear. Years ago, I bought myself a small pink one and a larger chocolate brown one. But they were lost over the years…

Imagine my surprise when I saw an ad on Facebook from Gund and saw they still made the same bear! I was ecstatic! I had made mention of it and how I had two of them and missed them. I didn’t expect anyone to get me the bear I’d missed all these years, so you can imagine how surprised I was to open the box and saw this adorable, soft, squishy friend inside! Yes, I’m an adult (an old one at that) but I still love a soft squishy friend!

But the best present by far was my new guitar!

When my mom’s boyfriend first came to live with us (I was 12), he had a 6 string guitar that I was told I was not allowed to touch. Yeah… you know I didn’t listen to that. When they weren’t home, I used to fool around on it. He was never any the wiser. I don’t know why he didn’t want me to touch it… He knew I was a piano player and I would never destroy an instrument. Well, he was an ass… That’s like the only defense I have for him. But ever since then, I’ve wanted one.

So here he is! Isn’t he beautiful…?

I decided on a 12 string because there are songs I want to learn that require a 12 string, so I figured the hell with it. This way I can play anything I want to. Well… after I take some lessons. I have no idea how to make chords, where to put my fingers and whatnot.

However, if there is one advantage to being able to play by ear, it’s the fact that I can literally pick out at least the melody of songs on any instrument I get my hands on. That was how I spent most of my day yesterday. I was actually doing some interesting stuff! I was also watching some videos on how to make certain chords and screwing around with that a bit. Oddly, this is coming to me pretty easily, so when I get lessons it should be pretty easy to pick up. I hope…

In other news…

My constant companion has returned… Yep, my “buddy”, Anxiety.

This whole thing about getting this job in that record store had literally set my anxiety off all over again. And just when I was starting to do good off of two of my doses of Klonopin… I’m not sure what to do. Should I start and see what happens and risk a relapse? Or should I just say fuck it and not bother? It’s a tough call…

I’m just not sure I’m ready for such a big change…

I’m still having issues with the idea of leaving the house, driving… just being out and about if I’m not necessarily feeling up to the challenge. If I go out because I want to, the anxiety isn’t there (except for driving). But, if I don’t want to go out and I have to… That’s a whole different story. That’s when my anxiety levels rise to a point that I just can’t deal.

Which is why, right now, the big question is what to do about this job. Yes, it’s perfect for me and I know that. I’m very knowledgable about music, I have a huge collection of vinyl and there’s nothing I love more than both those things (except art, of course). But does that mean a job is the right thing for me right now? Ever since I accepted it, I’ve been having the worst anxiety about it. I’m starting to second guess myself as to whether or not I can do this, which is where all the stress and anxiety come into play. Fun times…

Of course, it’s not as if I can’t look into alternative medicines…

Luckily I live in a state where medical marijuana is legal. Though I highly doubt I could drive when I smoke or vape it, it’s still an alternative to continue being addicted to anti anxiety meds, right? And if you get the right strain, it will help you feel relaxed and happy…

Though whether or not it will make me feel happy enough about starting a job I’m apprehensive about, I have no idea…