A Funny Thing Happened At The Diner…

I was at the local diner Monday night, which has become my routine after my guitar lesson. Now, in a town of less than 3000 people (yes, it’s very small) most of the patrons are regulars and we get to know each other fairly well.

One of my favorite regulars I’ll call Jay. He’s easily more than 10 years my senior and still sports a long pony-tail, though it’s completely white. He’s actually a nice looking guy and I bet he was something back in his younger days. We often have odd conversations and laugh a lot. I think I surprise him at times with the foul things that come out of my mouth. I often do with older men because nice women didn’t speak that way when they were younger. But I have little to no filter, so take that as you will.

Anyway, the other night Jay was talking to another regular and I wasn’t really paying much attention… until I heard something interesting. I asked Jay to repeat himself to be sure I heard right, which I did. He had made mention of the movie Two Lane Blacktop. That would have meant nothing to most people, even the the regular he was talking to (who is a year younger than I am), but it meant something to me. Of course it did, I’m a huge Dennis Wilson fan and my favorite Beach Boy happened to be in that movie. I haven’t been able to find it online to watch, however, so I asked Jay if it was a good movie. He said it was, though he had no idea two prominent musicians starred in it. He just watched it for the cars… That was a plus for me since I also have a love of cars, especially classic cars. That settled it. I decided to go searching that night and I found it online!

So the movie is incredibly simple… Two guys traveling around, making money by racing a ’55 Chevy, end up with a hitchhiking girl and make a deal to race an older guy in a really gorgeous GTO. None of them even have names… literally. The driver, the mechanic, the girl, GTO… Those are their “names”. There’s also very little dialogue. It may sound boring, but it’s actually really good! It doesn’t need to be more complicated.

Aside from wanting to see it because Dennis Wilson was in it, I just had to see James Taylor. You know, the guy who sounds depressed even when he’s singing a happy song… Holy shit, did I crack up the first time I heard him speak! Not only does he look nerdy, he sounds nerdy! I’m not sure why they cast him as the driver. He does not fit the bill of someone who races cars. Dennis Wilson, on the other hand, was actually into cars, so I could have seen him in either role, to be honest. His acting wasn’t bad, either. Although I will admit, there were a few times while watching the movie that I made comments about his sideburns (which I love) and his gorgeous, fluffy hair… At one point I actually said, “How does your hair just keep getting fluffier?!” It’s so unfair that a guy has nicer hair than me… In contrast, James Taylor spent the entire movie looking like he hadn’t washed his hair in a few years, so… yeah.

Well, enough about Dennis Wilson’s fluffy hair and James Taylor… I’ve given myself an annoying ear worm now…

I started to work on one of my stories again, the one I’m rewriting… Well, the one I’ve started rewriting several times, now. Mostly it’s because, when I reread some of the stuff I’ve written, something seems off. And sometimes it’s difficult to fix it without making a huge mess, deleting things I didn’t want to or making it sound worse somehow. And believe me, it can happen, quite easily…

This time, however, I had an idea for events that happen later in the story, so I decided to write them out before I forgot what the fuck I was thinking. I actually did that for the manga I’ve been working on forever. I had a vague idea for the storyline and came up with the climax first and worked backward from there. So I thought what the fuck, sometimes you have to work backward to get the story to flow nice (or get ideas for how you want it to start if you have no clue for a beginning). As it’s been turning out, this particular section is becoming way too long… I have so many other things that are crucial to the storyline that come before this segment! But I think I’ll just keep going and then cut it as I need to when the time comes. And, considering the fact that I keep rewriting shit over and over, I’m beginning to think I’d be better off just writing each section of events out separately so that I don’t have to rewrite that same shit over and over. That seems very unproductive and a waste of time, doesn’t it…? Yeah, it probably is. But, at this point, I just want to get it going, so this may be the only way.

But there’s a problem with all this…

Yes, my arch nemesis anxiety has reared its ugly head once again. And this time it’s real fucking ugly… I’m not even sure what started it this time, really. I’ve been doing so well and not having massive freak outs and then BAM! All those irrational fears come rushing back. It’s like I can hear that creepy little girl (rest in peace) from Poltergeist saying, “They’re heeeeeerrrrreeeee….” Yes… yes they are…

I’ve been having so much difficulty controlling my anxiety that I’m finding daily activities to be difficult. And I’m not just talking about getting in my car and driving somewhere to run an errand or whatnot. I mean even inside my house. I’m afraid to do anything because I’m just not in the right frame of mind and nothing seems to help right now. I know they say you should get up and do something or exercise, take a walk… I’ve tried all these methods and nothing seems to work. It’s quite frustrating.

So, instead, I’ve been taking time during the worst anxious times and being completely unproductive and have been binge watching Futurama on Hulu. Nothing like watching “Where No Fan Has Gone Before”, a tribute to Star Trek… I laugh every time Walter Koenig is asked by Fry to repeat what he just said in Russian (his accent), which he reluctantly does, then Fry replies, “Eee! Now say ‘nuclear wessles’!” and Walter gives him a resounding, “No!” That always gives me such a great laugh… And laughing really is great medicine. I usually forget my anxiety for a little while.

At least some of my anxiety is gone… Can you see the lump on Baxter’s right ear (your left)? I was so concerned that I took him to the vet because it was getting bigger. I had to borrow money from my mom because I knew it was going to be a huge bill (almost $300). But I had to know what it was. The vet thought it was a histiocytoma, which is a benign tumor common in young dogs. But it could have been something else, so I opted to biopsy it. Luckily it was just a histiocytoma, so it should go away on its own. If not, they can try freezing it like a wart or, if it’s really bad, surgically remove it. At least it’s not cancer, right? That was a load off my mind…

I just need to get back into the swing of things… I haven’t even been playing my Animal Crossing game because I’ve just been feeling so fucking drained of energy lately. That’s never a good sign… I just don’t seem to have the gumption and have been sleeping a lot because I’m bored or because, if I’m sleeping, I’m not anxious and freaking out over every little thing in the world.

I’m sorry if this entry was a bit boring… The doctor put me on a kick ass pain/anti-inflammatory med and a muscle relaxer to see if that helps this annoying rib pain. I’m feeling really tired and spacey right now… Hey, if nothing else, I’m so relaxed and stoned that I just don’t fucking care right now. However, that does mean I’ll be sleeping a helluva lot more than I’ve been. Oh well… Maybe I’ll have sweet dreams… Anything is possible…

Uninspired, Drenched And Tired…

Today’s title is brought to you by The Beach Boys, my favorite of their tunes, “Sail On Sailor”… And I’m finding myself getting distracted by the hottie on the far right… What can I say? I’ll be a Dennis Wilson fan forever.

You know, I used to go to these big picnics every summer and they had these two amazing guys who would be there with their guitars and sing oldies for us all afternoon, including Beach Boys tunes. I somehow always ended up sitting closest to these guys every year and I think they were pleased that I enjoyed myself, singing along, and my vast knowledge of music. Well, one year I’d asked if they knew “Sail On Sailor” as it was my favorite Beach Boys tune. They didn’t… I wasn’t very surprised, it was a bit obscure for most people. So fast forward a year. The main guy told me they had a surprise for me. I was puzzled, but I told them to let me know ahead of time so I could record it with my phone. Imagine my surprise when I heard those opening chords… They had learned “Sail On Sailor” just for me and, at the end, the main guy said, right into the microphone as he looked right at me, and told me it was for me! What an honor! And it surprised a lot of people they did that! And I now have a great memory on a video that I watch from time to time and it always makes me smile!

Anyway… enough about weird events in my life and my fetish for Dennis Wilson…

I chose those lyrics for my title today because, well, that’s how I’ve been feeling. “Uninspired, drenched and tired…” Yup, that’s me. Just a sad piece of work who feels like her creativity has moved and left no forwarding address.

About a week ago, I was on YouTube and found this gentleman in my recommendations. He’s a professional artist named Josiah Brooks, aka Jazza. I’ve been binge watching his videos every day. Aside from the fact that I think he’s gone off his meds (or maybe that’s just the artistic temperament), he’s quite amusing. He has a great onscreen personality. And he does some great illustration work as well as sculpture, painting… You name it. I especially like the videos where he tries to follow Bob Ross (the man who taught me to paint) tutorials without knowing which colors he’s using, using only audio prompts, blindfolded… It’s interesting to see what he comes up with when he’s not allowed to see what Bob is doing (or not seeing his own work). He tests different supplies to show us which will give us the best bang for our buck and try things he’s never used before to give us some insight as to what you can do with the material (like goache, which I had no clue what it was) he’s never used before. I was hoping that, by binge watching his videos, I might get some of my inspiration back. Hey, you never know. Stranger things have happened…

So since I had something else to pick up, I made a run to Michael’s yesterday…

I always go through the pencils, markers, canvas, paints, brushes and sketchbooks while I’m there whether I need anything or not. Which right now, I do, but I kept my paint buying to a minimum. Anyway… Last time I was there, I bought a big canvas because I have something in mind. But I realized I was running low on one color I absolutely need. So I grabbed my paint and decided to grab a few new brushes while I was at it. I was a bit disappointed they didn’t have any goache (guess I’ll have to spend a lot more at Blick for that), so I’ll need to hold off on trying that something new I suppose. That’s alright… I ended up spending more than enough as it was. Aside from paint and brushes, I also bought some washi tape, a big pad of scrapbook paper and a bunch of other shit I didn’t need but couldn’t resist buying it. That’s nothing new… And this is why I could never work at a store like Michael’s. Or a jewelry store… I wouldn’t get paid in money. I’d just tell them to pay me in art supplies or jewelry. Not a good idea…

So Jazza inspired me to buy new supplies. And, so far, that’s about it…

I find this quote interesting… “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.” But… if you’re not inspired, how the fuck are you supposed to work?! I’m confused, Picasso!

Funny side note on Picasso… He died of a heart attack (apparently around dinner time) in France on the very same day I was born. Literally… Like he died about 8 hours (considering the time difference) before I came into the world… I only found this out because I saw some thing on Facepuke or something that told you to Google who died on the day you were born. Picasso was the one who came up for me. I found that kind of interesting. When I told my mom who died the day I was born, she said, “Maybe that’s where you get your talent from.” I don’t know why she thought that. There were several family members on her side who were artistically and musically inclined. And I don’t think she believes in reincarnation. Still, it’s a nice thought. It would also explain my fear of having a heart attack, now, wouldn’t it…?

The reason my guitar gets covered in hair…

But I was a little inspired yesterday, just not in the way I wanted to be…

I hadn’t been practicing my guitar as I was nursing an infected root canal (which would make sense if you knew how monstrously long my roots were) and I was just too miserable to do much of anything. So yesterday I decided it was time to practice again. I took Constantine out of his case, grabbed my pick and capo and parked my ass on the ottoman to practice until my fingers bled. Now, usually I leave my case open because… I don’t really know. Laziness? Usually none of the animals bother with it more than to just sniff. Baxter in particular is horrible with that… He’s so nosey and I have to tell him who it is he smells. But yesterday, as I began practicing, I looked over to see this… Apparently Sebastian thought it was a great idea to take a nap in my guitar case. Great… Thanks for leaving a whole bunch of little Tribble like blobs of hair in my guitar case, fucker…

Recently, I was listening to “Who’s Behind The Door” by Zebra. What a great tune! And there’s some beautiful guitar work in that song! So I did a Google search and found the guitar chords which, sadly, didn’t have the long intro. I found a video tutorial for the intro, but it meant having to tune my guitar to a different key and I didn’t want to do that because, frankly, it’s a pain in the ass… I resigned myself to playing the main part of the song following the chords I found which didn’t require retuning my guitar.

But yesterday, I was feeling very saucy, I suppose… I decided to figure some of it out myself. I have perfect pitch and play the piano by ear so I figured why can’t I do that with my guitar? I’ve had enough lessons that I thought I might be able to figure it out. I don’t know why I thought that… So I started with the first string and just kept plucking until I found the main note and went from there. And I did figure some of it out! Amazing! I was so proud of myself! Now I just have to practice until I can play it fast enough and better (I screw it up a lot).

I’m actually looking forward to my lesson on Monday and not just because I had to cancel my last one due to a swollen face and massive pain from that tooth… I can’t wait to go in and show my instructor what I figured out! He said I’m at the mid to top range of beginner, which I think is pretty good since it takes a long time to master the guitar (especially a 12 string, which my ass was way overly ambitious in wanting to learn on). So I can’t wait to show him what I figured out! Not too shabby for a beginner, huh? Plus I have a feeling he doesn’t know this song. I like being able to introduce him to all sorts of new tunes and see his reaction to the lovely guitar chords!

I also found out some interesting things while I was trying to find a YouTube tutorial that was in the standard tuning, of which I found none…

Apparently, “Who’s Behind The Door” is supposed to be played on a 12 string acoustic/electric. Sweet! See, I knew there was a reason I wanted a 12 string other than to learn how to play “Ripples” by Genesis (you can clearly see they’re playing 12 strings in the video)! My instructor also told me Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” was also played on a 12 string… So now I know 3 songs that were meant for me to play!

Anyway… So while looking for tutorials, I found an interview with the lead singer and guitarist of Zebra about “Who’s Behind The Door”. I saw he was holding a guitar and thought what the hell, so I decided to watch it, figuring he would play the song, which he did. Most of the time, I was watching his hands and hoping I would become that good one day. Then I caught just a brief glimpse of the headstock and I was like, “Wait… What did that say?!” I stopped watching his hands, waiting for a glimpse of the headstock and, when I got to see it, I nearly fell over. It said D’Angelico… And, if you look close at the picture, you can see that the headstock on Constantine, here, also says D’Angelico…! Imagine that! When I got this guitar, I’d never heard of this company. When I went for my first lesson, I found out from the owner of the place that they’re one of the best. Now I’m seeing someone in a rock video playing one! That made me feel incredible! I got one of the greats!

It may not seem very exciting, things like buying art supplies or figuring out how to play something by ear… or even finding out that your guitar is more amaze-balls than you thought it was. But at this point, it’s a bright spot in an otherwise “meh” existence as of late.

I went to Barnes & Nobel yesterday as well (because it was right next door to Michael’s) for no reason. Well… seemingly no reason. In actuality, I think I was looking for some help, something to help me answer the question of, “What now?!” I looked through every self help book and found nothing even remotely close to anything pertaining to my situation, help for someone who has more life behind them than in front of them and can’t figure out what the fuck to do with what remains. Instead, I came away with two Cup Noodle plushes with a cat in one cup and a fox in the other as well as a copy of The Odyssey. Pretty sure Homer doesn’t have the answers, either…

So I’ll just keep going about my “meh” existence, pray to the universe for my creativity to return and get all giddy and stupid when I play something right on my guitar… Whee…

My Brains Are Oatmeal…

No, they’re not delicious or nutritious… or topped with berries and honey. Don’t get any bright ideas, zombies…

Way back in the day (I shudder when I think how far back), Mötley Crüe guitarist Mick Mars used that in as an opening in an article about himself. As soon as I read that one simple sentence, “My brains are oatmeal,” I knew it was a statement I was going to be using for a long time. Similarly, I also use a quote from Kelly Nickels, bass player from L.A. Guns: “You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t wipe your friends under the couch.” Yeah, I don’t know… My high school years, the years of hair bands, was a bit… weird.

But I didn’t gather you all here today (all, what, one or two of you?) to date myself by telling you how old I was when I was listening to these bands… I got a bit sidetracked as I’m apt to do. Then again, the purpose for my blog was to be random, which it kind of hasn’t been except for spots here and there within posts. That’s sad… I’ve really drifted from my original intent of this blog. Instead it seems to have become a log of how fucked up my life can be sometimes, how badly my brain turns against me with my depression and anxiety, and pretty much a timeline of my mental illness spiraling out of control. Whee! Isn’t that fun?! Listen, if you think reading about someone’s mental decline is fun, you need to get out more… Nah, I’m kidding… Actually, I poke fun at myself from time to time. If I didn’t laugh, I’d cry. And I guess it helps those of you who also suffer to feel like you’re not alone in this. I find that helpful to know myself.

But back to the point of my brains being oatmeal…

I was hoping that, when the big thing I was stressing was over, I would be able to get back to normal. I was hoping that my artistic block would magically be lifted and I would be creating like there was no tomorrow.

No such luck… It’s not for my lack of trying, mind you. I’d get this desire to draw, so I’d get myself set up and, in the end, I’d set myself up for failure. I’d get the desire to work on one of my stories, write a few sentences and it all went downhill afterward. Hell, I couldn’t even write a blog entry again. It’s like my brain is a computer that’s being denied access to the creativity center.

No… that’s not quite right… It’s more like, when I try to access my creative center, I get the 404: Not Found message. Yup, it seems my creativity has set up a firewall that I can’t seem to get around. And the more road blocks and denied access that I encounter, the more frustrated and depressed I feel. I’m finding that I’m calling myself stupid, worthless, untalented… You name it and I’ve referred to myself as such lately. I know it’s the depression talking, but it’s still not very fun. I’m sure a lot of you can relate… Perhaps I shouldn’t be weaning off my meds, but I find I’m less creative when I’m happy, so it’s kind of a double-edged sword, you know…? Or maybe I’m just making excuses.

Lately I’ve been looking back at some of my older drawings and thinking, “Jesus Christ, look at all the things that are wrong with this drawing! I can do better!” And then I try to do better and… Well, it just doesn’t turn out as planned. And I don’t have the ability to use some of the same programs I used to because Mac doesn’t support them and the new versions are so not what I’m looking for. And then there’s the price increase… Plus some of my programs aren’t supported by Mac at all (thanks, Paint Tool SAI) and I refuse to go back to using Windows.

But something has got to give, here…

I’ve been so depressed because I can’t create. Literally, creating is my life. If I can’t do that for whatever reason, I beat myself up and then I lose interest in all else. Like the other day, for example… I’ve been so uninspired that I haven’t been practicing my guitar because I know I’ll screw up too much in my current frame of mind. And I’ve been thinking of giving it up because I’m just finding no pleasure in it. Or anything else for that matter… So I spend my days playing my Animal Crossing game for a short time and the rest of my day I lay here like I’m one with the sofa watching Dr. fucking Phil or movies all damn day. And sometimes the movies are so relatable that they make me feel worse…

However, in the darkest of times, something usually comes along to lift my spirits a bit.

Last night I was looking for something to watch and saw Turner Classic Movies was showing Arsenic And Old Lace! That’s one of my favorite movies to watch when I need a good laugh, so I put it on.

For those unfamiliar, the movie follows the story of Mortimer Brewster, a critic who is against marriage but actually tied the knot on the day of these events. When he goes to tell his two aunts, the sweetest old spinster women you ever saw, he learns they’ve been killing lonely old gentlemen with no family with poisoned elderberry wine and burying them in the basement with the aid of a nephew who thinks he’s Teddy Roosevelt digging the Panama Canal. They’re very casual about it, too. “Oh, a Methodist! Well isn’t that nice!” said so sweetly as if they weren’t discussing their latest victim. This causes Mortimer more than a little upset (you can imagine) and he starts acting a bit looney as he tries to cover up the crimes of his aunts. Add to this Mortimer’s criminally insane brother, Johnathan and his questionable companion Dr. Einstein (who also have a dead body to dispose of) and it turns into quite a dark, comedic piece of classic cinema. I just have to laugh at the aunts and their casual approach to murder. It’s a very comical film I highly recommend if you’re ever down and need a good laugh.

In any case, I feel like my art supplies will just be sitting around collecting dust until I start to feel like my old self again. If that ever happens…

I’ve actually been in a block for over 5 years! Oh, I come out with something now and again, but I’ve really been doing poorly all that time. Sometimes I worry that my creativity has completely dried up. Other times I still have a small glimmer of hope that I may get my shit together and start creating again. I suppose anything is possible…

The Goodbye Girl…

Please excuse the old, awful piece of my art I chose for today. It’s actually a cover I did for a short story I wrote. Trust me, how she’s feeling fits the theme. Bear with me a moment…

Anyway… A few days ago, I completely lost my shit. AGAIN…?! Yes, again… I’m beginning to see this as a pattern right now. In any case, I just flipped out and deleted some of my social media. My Instagram accounts are gone (I think, I’m not sure as it was a difficult process), one of my deviant art accounts is gone and the other I announced I would be deleting. I also announced I was deleting my Facepuke account.

Funny thing, that… When I deleted all my pictures and posted that I wanted to sell all my art supplies, I got a total of 4 replies, mainly asking why. One person was so beside herself and told me to PM her. But I didn’t go back on Facepuke for well over a week. You’d think that since she didn’t hear from me, she would have PM’d me, but she didn’t. So I guess she wasn’t that concerned, huh? That was when I literally said, “Fuck this shit.” I posted the announcement that I was deleting my Facepuke. That was when several others came out of the woodwork (still nothing from that “concerned” person), all of them telling me they hoped I was okay, sending healing vibes and such. One actually PM’d me to say she was sending positive, healing vibes. I wish that was enough…

Ugh, more of my very old art… This one was inspired by the song and video for “Voices Carry” by ‘Til Tuesday. I love when she finally loses her shit and starts yelling at the abusive dickhead to shut up…

This is just part of how I’ve been feeling lately. If I could just stand up in the middle of a huge theater packed with people and start yelling, “Shut up, Oh God can’t you keep it down?” At this point, I’m not sure I’d be yelling it at any people in particular…

I think I’d be yelling that at the voice inside my head…

Ah yes, those lovely intrusive thoughts… The ones that tell me I’m not good enough, not as an artist or a person. The ones that tell me I’m worthless, have no friends and no one would miss me if I was gone. Those are nothing new, really… What is new is the voice that keeps reminding me that I’ve reached that age where I feel there’s more of my life behind me than in front of me. That’s a scary thought… And it’s not one you want invading your brain, let me tell you. So if I could yell at my thoughts to shut up and freak out like she did in the video, I would.

Of course that could lead to me having a nice, long stay in a padded room. So I just silently yell and freak out on my brain. How’s that working for me…? Not too good…

When I was a young, one of my favorite bands (for some reason) was Missing Persons. Not that many or any of you know who the fuck they were. I wouldn’t say they were really popular and you’ve probably never heard of them unless you lived through the 80s: bad hair, ugly clothes, fuck tons of Aquanet and all…

I happened to see the video of my favorite of their songs while on YouTube, “Destination Unknown“. I loved this song so much. I think it was because I found it so relatable then. So I listened to it and I realized something… I still find it relatable to this day!

The thing is, they were right… Life is so strange. Anything can change and then you have no idea where the fuck you’re going to. I’d say that, perhaps, Dale Bozzio was in the midst of some identity crisis at the time. But, chances are, she was just weird… The woman once wore an outfit made from clear vinyl and tubing for a fishing tank… I know it was the 80s and women were coming into their own, but that’s just a weird idea of how to dress (hence why one video is kind of blurry except close ups). But despite her weird hair and piss poor choices in clothing, the song was great and a reminder to everyone that we’re not alone in losing our way from time to time and that it’s scary.

And, apparently, I don’t know about myself, either…

A few nights ago, when I was having one of my weepy moments, I decided to go shopping to pick myself up again. That’s when I happened to see this book…

The title was pretty intriguing. 1000 Things You Don’t Know About Me... I flipped through some pages and thought it sounded good, so I bought it. I don’t know why… I suppose I felt compelled to.

When I got it home, I began going through and following the writing prompts (they begin a sentence and you finish it). Now I think it should be titled 1000 Things I Didn’t Know About Myself… Seriously, some of these questions are kind of difficult for me to answer and I really have to put some thought into it. “My biggest weakness is…”, “The best way to get me to open up is…”, “My personality has been favorably compared to…” (it hasn’t been). The one I had most difficulty with so far was, “One of my biggest influences has been…” I don’t fucking know! What kind of question is that?! So I did some thinking and realized that my late uncle was. He died when I was only 3, so I only have one clear memory of him (which isn’t all too clear). My mom has always told me stories about him, things he did, what he was like, what a good artist he was… And she always told me she wished he was still here because she thought he would have understood me. She was forever telling me he liked me best because I “marched to your own drummer”. So, when I thought about it, I realized he was a huge influence. That’s why I’ve always made sure to remain an individual, because that seemed important to him. It was important to me, too. And I think he’s the reason why.

This book is really helping me put things into perspective…

I’ve been having a moment because I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore. And you want to know something? I don’t think I do anymore… Then, all of a sudden, I go shopping for a few things and happened to go down the aisle this book happened to be in and it just happened to catch my eye. The universe knew I needed it, I guess.

Since I’ve been having to finish these sentences, filling in the blanks for want of a better term, about my life and things people don’t know about me, I’ve been having to do some soul searching and learning things about myself in the process. It seems to be settling me down, to a point… I’m having to really examine me, who I am, and my life. Am I learning things about who I am? You bet! So I guess it was worth the $8 I paid for it, huh…?

And then there was yesterday…

I had been out and came home to find that something of a racial war was taking place in the hood I live in… I knew assholes lived here, but this guy takes the cake.

So this one asshole, who the cops said is an issue in the neighborhood, decided to go off his meds, get drunk and cut an American flag my neighbor’s son had on the back of his truck in half and burned it in the street. Vandalism for sure, but it didn’t stop there. He started harassing my neighbor’s son, then began harassing her, telling her to call her husband outside (he wasn’t home, he was at work). Well, the asshole kept harassing them, so she called the cops (and he just kept harassing until the cops arrived). He was even harassing a neighbor who came to help mine! Well, the cops came and did whatever they did and left. Then my neighbor’s husband showed up… Good thing I was outside yet. It took her, her son and me to try and keep him from going down and beating the fuck out of this asshole. I especially took offense to the fact that the asshole called us all racist. I have no idea where that came from as we all have friends and neighbors we talk to in the hood that are Hispanic as well as black. He accused us of burning crosses on lawns… What the actual fuck, dude?! I hate to tell him, but he doesn’t know me and, if he did, he’d know I’m friends with my black neighbors (one of whom shares weed on occasion because he’s just cool that way) as well people of all races in this hood and elsewhere. Assholes come in all colors… That’s just how I see it. I don’t care what color you are. If you’re an asshole to me, you’re an asshole, plain and simple. Color has nothing to do with it.

I had to leave after the drama died down to go for yet another root canal (this was the second in just a few week’s time). I grow tired of root canals… I think this was my 7th or 8th? I don’t know. I’ve always had very soft enamel, so I was more prone to cavities and, unfortunately, root canals. I also have very long roots (so far the top two were 28mm!) so I need to go to a specialist to get them done and they can sometimes cause discomfort.

But I salvaged the day by the end, anyway… My friend’s neighbor had sold me a bunch of very old records. I went to pay him yesterday and he had even more to give me! And were there some gems in that box! Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, which is as old as I am, and it looks like they never played it! I also got a beautiful Chicago album (older than me, thank you very much) that was a mint condition, double album set. It came with a poster… that was still in it! I got so many great records that were mint condition! I literally sat on the floor and went through every record to see how they looked and I was beside myself with joy! How can you not love vinyl?

I also got a few other things he was selling that were right up my alley, mostly Star Wars stuff. So at least I had a good end to an otherwise dramatic and stressful day!

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