Hahahaa… See what I did there with the title? Ah, probably not. Not unless you’re an old fart like me who’s seen this movie one too many dozen times…

Anyway… Thursday night I suffered the worst insomnia I’ve ever had. I was literally up for over 24 hours before I fell asleep for a whole whopping four hours. I was experiencing some anxiety, which caused the insomnia and, as I watched the hours tick by, that caused more anxiety… See where I’m going with this? And it all came after I watched The Lost Boys on television before bed (because I was too lazy to put in my DVD).

And no, I’m not a pussy. This is one of my favorite movies from my youth. I’ve seen it so many times I can recite the god damn thing word for word without watching it. In fact, I spent most of my time filling in the things the channel I watched it on cut out (“My own brother, a god damn, shit-sucking vampire!”) so it certainly wasn’t that.

Actually, I was pretty sure what had started the anxiety was me remembering that I’d read one of the vampires had passed away, so I looked it up to be sure. And I had remembered correctly. The one with the long blonde hair, Paul, died at 52 from a rare genetic disorder that can cause certain organ damage that mimics other health issues. So maybe not as rare as they think? Who knows… But with that knowledge and my upcoming imaging this week, I think it was a little too much and I freaked out.

One of the imaging tests I need to get done Friday is an MRI. I admit, I’m a bit freaked out about that one, mostly because of the rib pain I’ve been experiencing and not knowing what the fuck they’re going to find. It’s unnerving.

I also have to get a mammogram, at the insistence of my GP… I’m never really worried about them, at least not the test results. No one in my family has ever had breast cancer and I was told if it hurts, that’s a good sign (I guess breast cancer doesn’t hurt). But I do worry about the massive discomfort. I have firbrocystic breast disease (so my boobs are full of cysts) which can be painful sometimes. Then they want to have my face turned to the side, smashed up against this machine in a position where it feels like my neck is going to break so they can put my girls, one at a time, between two, cold metal plates. You’d be amazed at how flat they can smash big ol’ stripper titties, let me tell you! Even ones filled with cysts and dense tissue that are extremely heavy. They can still smash them down to the size of a fluffy buttermilk pancake! I remember the first one I had to get done (I had a painful lump) and I was literally horrified when I saw exactly how flat they smashed my boobs! Am I afraid of the test? No. Am I afraid of the results? Not really, no. Am I afraid of the discomfort and the lovely red lines I’ll be sporting across my chest afterwards? You bet! Ladies, I know some of you feel my pain on this one. Guys, just imagine if they wanted to do that to your dicks and I’m pretty sure you’d understand what we bitch about.

So it could have been those things that caused my anxiety, but I thought there could possibly be another culprit…

As you can see in this before and after picture, I was having a major basil issue in my herb garden. Have the light raised all the way to the top and in a day didn’t those fucking plant reach the top again! Plus they’re so crazy bushy that they cast shadows over my other herbs that sprouted later and now they don’t receive enough light to grow. Or maybe it’s because the basils are literally sucking up all the water and plant food; I don’t know. I sent the top picture to a friend and said, “You want fresh basil, right?” Because I literally wasn’t giving her a choice. What was going on was pure insanity. She replied by telling me an Italian would never pass up fresh basil. Sweet! So I pulled off a ton of both plants and took her baggies full of basil leaves. I just hoped it would be enough to get my other herbs to grow.

Now, while I was in the midst of this anxiety attack that kept me awake the other night, it occurred to me that picking a shit ton of basil leaves was the only thing I did differently that night. So I went online and I found nothing. Apparently basil is good for you, although too much can lower your blood pressure and sugar too much apparently if you eat it. But nothing said it can make you jittery or anxious from plucking leaves. Still, I couldn’t seem to stop running that theory through my head. Then I had a thought… I had read somewhere that the smell of fresh cut grass (that it seems everyone but me loves, mainly because I’m allergic) is more than just a lovely fragrance it gives off. It’s actually a warning system. It’s the grass communicating with other plants, telling them it’s in danger. Think about it… That smell you love so much is the grass crying out for help, “I’m being murdered!” Yeah… Still like that smell now that you know that? You probably do. No one else I’ve told seems to think anything of it. Anyway… So my theory is, what if the basil was sending out some kind of weird shit because I was plucking so many leaves off because it thought it was in danger? Maybe that was the issue that caused the anxiety and jitters to be as bad as they were. It’s just a theory, though…

By Saturday I was better rested and feeling like maybe I needed to get the fuck out of my house and my head. So I did what most bipolar people do. I went shopping…

I actually went with a purpose, honestly. My latest issue of Heavy Metal was still sitting at the comic store and I had yet to pick it up. Lucky me, it was free comic day, do I got a ton of free comics and I also got 3 comics signed by the artists. The one was really nice. She was telling me a bit about how to get started in the business, which was really nice.

Then I headed to the mall for what I was really in the market for. But I’ll get to that in a minute… I happened to come across this store I’d never noticed before and when I looked up, I saw it was Lush! My friend in the UK loves this store, but I didn’t think we had any here in the states, certainly not near me, anyway. I was so excited because I had been on their site and they have lovely products! I tested everything! Which meant I smelled like a French whore by the time I was done in there… I only bought 3 small items and my bill was over $50! Holy shit! But it’s quality stuff and not tested on animals. I got a small bottle of hair serum, just to see if it would help the dry frizz and I’m amazed by it! I also bought an amazing smelling lip balm and perfume balm. Plus they put a surprise in my canvas bag (no plastics) which I found later was a bubble bath bomb! I can’t wait to use it! I’ll be headed back when I can splurge!

However, I didn’t find what I was looking for at the stores in that mall. I only found rude salespeople. So fuck it; I decided to go across the street to what’s left of the older mall. Sadly, most of this mall was torn apart and made into a “strip mall”, but there is a tiny bit of the original mall that remains. So what does my dumb ass decide to do? It decides to look like a reject in front of a handful of people to take pictures of what little remains of the original retro decor…

The Plaza was once a movie theater (I think it’s a gym now). I remember my mother taking me and my sister to the mall and going down a hall that used to be I believe where the yellow hall is in the second picture. We would go into Woolworth’s to buy candy because it was cheaper there and I was forever getting yelled at that we were going to miss the movie because I just had to have the purple ring pop with the blue ring and would search forever for it, hahahaa…

The second picture is really retro… The stone wall, those stairs, the flooring… The steps used to lead up to the offices for the mall, though I’m certain they’re not in use by anyone for anything anymore since most of the stores in it are stand alone stores. Well, the few that are actually in the mall. Essentially, what was once the mall is now just like a giant foyer for not even a dozen stores. It’s really kind of sad…

The last picture (are you digging that late 60s funky cement facade?) was for a department store I’ve been racking the hell out of my brain for two days, now, trying to remember the name of it. It finally came to me! The store was called Levitz! I’m feeling pretty proud of myself for being able to reach back into my brain, what, 40 years, to pull out the name of a defunct department store that hasn’t been in operation in forever. I was never even in there that I can recall. But I remember looking in the display windows, which you can see are still there, though there’s nothing in them anymore. It’s sad when a mall dies or changes decor… I miss the old look…

My real reason for my outing (aside from grabbing my latest issue of Heavy Metal) was to go in search of another watch…

If you read one of my previous entries, you’ll know I’m a picky bitch with watches. They have to look funky and I like them large. No tiny little effeminate watches, nope… And they need to be water resistant. I’ve lost a lot of watches, even water resistant ones, and I’m not sure how. So I decided to get this funky Guess watch, which I loved until I found the silicone band and covering around the face was irritating my skin. Okay, so I decided to get a new battery and band for my avocado watch, which I love. Turns out it was deader than a doornail. I was so upset… I love that watch. So I got a Casio that was water resistant to 100 meters. That’s a good thing since I wear my watch non-stop. The problem came in when I realized the plastic used in the band and face covering was also irritating my skin. All I wanted was a water resistant watch made of metal with a leather band! Why is that so fucking hard to find?! Hence my trip to the ancient mall. The Kohl’s closest to me is closing their jewelry department for some dumb reason, but the one at the dead mall still had one. That’s where I found this watch. It’s pretty funky… Not as funky as I’d like, but it’s a metal face with a leather band. Now my skin is finally starting to heal up and looks so much better. But what a pain in the ass just for a watch…

So yeah… My little shopping excursion made me feel a tiny bit better, though not too much. Especially since I spent money I could ill afford to spend.

Still, after that crazy merry-go-round of anxiety I was on, I deserved it. I mean really… I can see anxiety causing insomnia. But then to get more anxiety just because you’re all worried that it’s getting later and later and you’re still not tired?! That’s fucked up…

I have a feeling this week will be one gigantic shit show, to be honest. And the closer it gets to my tests, the worse I feel it’s going to get. I can’t go through any more sleepless nights, not like the one I just had where I was freaking the fuck out and had no one to help me through it because it was late at night and everyone was sleeping.

So I have a plan in mind…

This is the bath bomb I got as a freebie from Lush. Seriously, how awesome was that?! I was wondering why she asked me if I liked taking baths… I do, actually. It’s great stress relief! And the lucky cat one smells amazing (yes, I was picking up all the bath bombs and smelling them that day because I’m weird). So I think I’m going to be using this bath bomb when I get super anxious before my tests come up.

I don’t know how things will turn out, what they’ll find (if they find anything at all), but keep your fingers crossed for me, dear readers, that it’s nothing serious.

Don’t you be praying for me, though… Seriously, why would you? Prayers are wasted on atheists anyway… Just keep your fingers crossed. It’s a lot less effort and more worth the while, hahahaa…