It’s Been A Bumpy Ride…

Before I get started… I’d just like to say thank you to all of you, my dear readers! 76 of you! I don’t think I’ve ever had more than like maybe 6 people give a shit what I have to say in my whole life… So thank you so much! Drinks are on me!

I also have other good news… I had to see my cardiologist two days ago. I was so anxious that my entire upper back went into spasm. Not because I was worried about the results of that monitor I wore; they already told me they were fine. Last time I was there everyone was running behind and he was a dick to me. This time he was a sweet guy again, which was good. So that’s the good news. He wasn’t a dick and my monitor results were the best he’s ever seen. Still no idea why my EKG showed I was getting less oxygen… He said maybe I’m just weird, hahaa! I don’t doubt that… He was very glad my GP upped my cholesterol meds (my bad cholesterol went up a bit). The bad news is that the one I’m on is the statin of choice because it has no side effects. If this doesn’t work, my GP will have to put me on Lipitor and one of the side effects is muscle tightening. Mind you, this was after I told him about all my back issues as of late, so he’s hoping the one I’m on does the trick because god knows I don’t need anything that will cause spasms. As for my other symptoms… The dizziness is probably because my BP is so low from all my other meds.

You’re probably wondering what’s with all the Animal Crossing New Horizons spam…

Don’t feel bad; I’ve been spamming my mother with these pictures as well. Literally… I take them from my Switch and send them to my phone so I can text her all these pictures. She liked the Halloween ones, though. Actually, she thinks they’re all really cute and I get very creative sometimes. Anyway… November 4th they dropped this huge new update and the following day, a downloadable add on to the game was ready to play (which you know I spent the $25 for). I… haven’t really been off my Switch unless I’ve had to go somewhere. And really, where was I going to go?! I’m still having a lot of issues despite the “fun” exercises the physical therapist I had to go see gave me to do. They don’t really help. If I want any relief, and it’s not much, I have to just lay here on my heating pad. What the fuck else am I going to do besides that? Stare at the walls? Rack my brain trying to figure out what movies I should search for on the Fire Stick (then be disappointed when no one is streaming them… and no, I didn’t just say I hacked my Fire Stick like everyone else…)? Trust me, that was getting really old… Even reading and working on my needlepoint got boring.

But thankfully Nintendo had this huge update in the works fans anxiously waited for for weeks. It was worth the wait to see all the cool new stuff you can do, new furniture, new actions and poses your little character can do (see last picture here for reference; little goobers were following my moves at the beach party like we were a fucking cult). We can cook foods, now, farm veggies… And every time I watched a video telling us about all the cool new content we were getting, I was excited and feeling a sense of dread at the same time. I was so looking forward to all this new stuff, but then it suddenly occurred… I’m going to need to terraform my entire fucking island… again… Seriously, I just got it the way I liked it, got all the villagers I was happy with, then they throw out all this shit that means I need to replan my entire island and, unfortunately, I needed to boot a villager to get one of the new ones I wanted. But it’s okay, I got her a vacation home on the other island. Still, I was sad when Annalise left…

It’s the only thing that’s been helping me keep my sanity while I’ve been laid up all this time… I mean really, I went through every season of House, watched every movie I could think of that had some kind of creepy Halloween or thriller vibe… I couldn’t take it anymore.

I’ve gone out a few times (I’ve gotten rides, of course, because I don’t know if I can sit comfortably in a car). I have to say, it’s not a fun experience. One day I had to go to the mall to buy a few new shirts and my back was killing me. Even going to the cardiologist was too much. My upper back was spazzing out, so I went down the street to one of my favorite hippie-dippy stores to get some relaxation. No lie, the vibe in there was so great that it was only a few minutes before my upper back stopped spasming. My lower back, however, was a different story… Soon after I got in there, I noticed the song playing on the radio was A Flock Of Seagulls “Space Age Love Song” my favorite of theirs. Literally, I go ape over that song to this day (and I still think the guitarist is cute, the crush continues). I tried swaying just a little to the music and my lower back said, “Fuck you, Jackie, you’re nuts!”I was pretty disheartened by this… And by the end of my shopping trip, I actually had to sit down before I could leave and get back in the car, it was so bad.

Today I have to go see my new psychologist, Phil (hahaa, Dr. Phil…) and I’m going to attempt to drive myself and walk down all those long hallways. This should be very interesting, to say the least. I’m not exactly sure I’m up to the challenge, especially since it’s raining, but I’ll try…

Damn it… Now “Space Age Love Song” is running through my head… I better get my iTunes up…

Years ago, when I was 10 and my friend was 12, my mother was going to buy tickets for us to go see A Flock Of Seagulls in concert (that’s great parenting, right?) Hey, it was the 80s; people didn’t think. Anyway, they didn’t sell enough tickets and had to cancel. I was crushed…

A few years ago, they came out with a new album, all their songs performed with an orchestra and my snobby sister sent me the YouTube link for the video of my favorite song and told me they were giving a free concert about two hours from me! But it’s unfamiliar territory and I don’t highway drive, so I begged the only person I knew to take me who said no because it was a dangerous area. In the middle of the fucking day?!? I pleaded so badly… I actually have the picture record jacket for that 45rpm and I said maybe I could get it autographed, maybe I could get pictures with the band and I explained how I missed that chance years ago. Nope… I couldn’t find one person who was willing to drive with me to go see an old, underrated band from the 80s who had the most marvelous tunes and a guitarist I had the biggest crush on (who was only 9 years my senior, mind you). I think I’ve lost my chance forever… Ah well… Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Besides, talking about this has made me realize something. I’m fucking old! When did that happen?!

Finally got a cute shot of me and Punchy!

Okay, I’m now listening to “Space Age Love Song”… It was making me nuts…

Anyway, back to the subject… One thing I love about this game is that it’s a good outlet for my creativity, especially since we can now redecorate our villager’s homes (which is easier and cheaper than redecorating mine and I don’t throw out my back like I did laying carpet). Punchy, my favorite, was first because I hated his house. It was ugly! Now it looks nice and I finally managed to get a super cute picture with him!

So all this interior decorating and whatnot has sparked my creativity again, thank god… When I went to the hippie-dippy store the other day, I noticed she had paintings up for sale… Ugly ass paintings… I don’t understand abstract shit… Anyway, I asked her if she would possibly display some of mine and she eagerly said yes! In fact, I showed her one of the digital paintings I did (a hippie-dippy one) and she went nuts over it! She told me to get some of my stuff together and bring it in the next time I come over and she’ll put it up and see what happens. I’m so excited!

She’s super nice… She wants to help support local artists to try and get them a break. That’s what I really need. Wouldn’t that be incredible if I could actually sell some of my work, like for more than just a few bucks? Then I could truly call myself an artist! And the fact that I wouldn’t be a starving one would just be gravy!

Imagine that… I may be able to be a real artist and make real money off my work… Holy shit… I mean yeah, my main goal is to just make people happy with my work, but money is kind of a necessity. And to be able to be successful at what I do… That’s been a dream of mine my entire life. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get my wish…

Ah, what a fun day ahead of me… I get to go talk to “Dr. Phil” about all the things my parental figures did to fuck my crazy ass up all these years…

Sometimes I think therapy is a joke… I’ve been in therapy off and on since I was 17 and I haven’t found any peace or gotten any better in all these 30+ years. But my new therapist seems pretty okay right now. We shall see…

Still, the best therapy is going out, digging in the dirt, growing things and soaking up some sunshine and fresh air. So… that’s my homework for you, dear readers. Go give yourself some free therapy. Dig in the dirt, plat things… Get some fresh air and sunshine. Soak it all in and enjoy every single moment of it. I promise, you’ll feel better. And if my back wasn’t a fucked up mess, I’d join you.

Until next time, stay trippy, all my little hippies out there. Be kind to yourselves, love life and figure out how to let that shit go. And, if you can figure out how to let that shit go, be sure to let me know so that I can do the same.

Namaste!

Go Home, October; You’re Drunk

What did I say last time about bad things happening in October…? I wasn’t wrong; it’s done it again, I’m sorry to say…

My back had just healed and I had enlisted some muscle to help me move my big pieces of furniture to lay out a beautiful piece of carpet that covers my entire living room (which I got cheap at a bargain outlet). I was planning on moving lightweight items as my back had just recovered and, wouldn’t you know, the first thing I pick up (which weighed all of 2 pounds) and my sacroiliac joint went pow… It’s happened a few other times, but this was different somehow. So I popped a naproxen so I could still function and kept going. Poor Anakin… He’s known me all my life and he could tell I was hurting so bad. And by 6:30, I was in tears and got a ride to the hospital’s emergi-care where some guy who just wanted to go home gave me a shot for pain (which did nothing) and a script for muscle relaxers.

What a fun week it was… I literally piled up pillows to put myself in homemade traction. Muscle relaxers, low dose steroids, Vicodin, Tramadol, lidocaine patches… Nothing helped. The heating pad helped a little, but not enough. I knew something wasn’t kosher when narcotic pain killers didn’t do shit to kill the pain. On the 5th day after the incident, I called my family doctor because the pain was no longer shooting down the back of my leg, it was moving into my hip. I was desperate. She suggested I call an orthopedic which is also when she prescribed the Tramadol to see if it would help until I got in to see one. So I called the local hospital and told them I didn’t care how far away I had to travel, I had to see one the next day because I couldn’t deal any longer.

I was in luck; I got an appointment at the orthopedic office at the hospital. Of course I had to get a ride there… The pain in my hip was so bad I had to walk with a cane…

So after a series of incredibly painful X-rays (stand sideways and bend forward and backward, because that almost works) the doctor I saw told me from how my vertebrae were aligned, he could tell my whole back was in spasm. News to me since I only felt pain in that little joint area which was the size of the tip of my index finger. Literally, that’s all the bigger the pain area was, but it ran so deep… He also told me I had mild scoliosis, which I kind of knew. I’ve had a slight curvature to my spine they found when I was in my late 20s. Last time I had X-rays, it was a slight scoliosis. Now it’s mild. I could see it looked worse, which I found a bit upsetting. No one wants to think about their spine just turning into more and more of a question mark when you look at it from the back. Then he dropped the bomb… I have degenerative arthritis in the lower lumbar vertebrae… I asked him what that meant and he didn’t seem too concerned as he said it takes years to develop and years to only make perhaps a millimeter of difference. Still, from now on, this will keep happening (I assume with more frequency the older I get) and I have to be cautious when I’m doing things because you don’t know when it’ll get set off and what will do it. So his instructions were to lay around all weekend and do nothing except relax on the heating pad, take muscle relaxers and higher dose steroids and I’d feel better in three to five days. And I need physical therapy…

Probably not a great idea to watch this when I did…

I actually cried at some point… It’s so difficult sometimes. I’ve had bad knees since I was 19 which have gotten worse over all these years. And everything has gotten worse since I went through surgical menopause. It’s funny… I used to hate running laps in high school and now I would give anything to be able to run. Or even walk without pain. My mind and my spirit feel 16 on a good day; it wants to run, to dance like I used to when I went clubbing (even if it’s just in my house), to exercise, to be able to clean my house properly. But as soon as I want to do these things, my body constantly reminds me that my mind and spirit may feel 16, but it feels about 116… It’s frustrating. Other people my age have aches and pains, sure. But not like this. And it fucking sucks…

So fun times for me over the weekend… I literally laid around like a lump and watched movies on the Fire Stick… Since Halloween was coming, I Googled a list of horror/thriller movies and watched all the ones that sounded pretty good. Surprisingly, I did find a shit ton of awesome movies I never saw before or ones I thought looked stupid in previews (Fantasy Island was better than my biased mind expected; I just couldn’t see it without Ricardo Montalbán). And, since I do like M. Night Shyamalan movies with their bizarre plot twists, I decided to watch this movie called Old… Probably not the best choice of movies when I’m feeling incredibly old… Oddly enough, I think it made me feel better I think. The characters in the movie go to a beautiful resort and a select handful are told about this beautiful secret beach. Only certain guests are told and taken there and it doesn’t take long for them to find out why. There’s something about the beach, perhaps something about the magnetism in the rock walls surrounding it, that cause time to move faster and speed up the aging process. Worse, they can’t leave… When they do, they end up blacking out. So these poor people literally age 50 years in a day, which really sucks for the kids. They didn’t even get to grow up properly. I guess it made me see I shouldn’t complain.

But on the upside, I have had other things to keep me occupied in my laid up state…

I hadn’t played my Animal Crossing New Horizons game in several months because it had gotten a bit boring, to be honest. My island was how I wanted it to look (for the most part), I had all the villagers I loved best and I’d already been there and done that since I’d been playing it for over a year. But then I found out there was going to be a huge update coming. And when I say huge, I mean crazy ass huge! This is the last major update and it’s so big it’s unfathomable! They’re adding so much new content, new things you can do… Honestly, I was so excited for all the things you can do with this new update that my creative mind went into overdrive! It gets released November 5th, so I decided that I better start playing again to get back in the groove and start saving up money for all the new furniture items and other interesting things.

And as soon as I started playing again, I realized I had a major issue… They added so much more stuff that I’m literally going to have to terraform my entire island… again… Do you have any idea how many hours, how much thought and in-game currency I’ve spent to make my island look exactly how I wanted it to look?! Do you have any idea the blood, sweat and tears that went into all this?! Now I’m getting bombarded with all this new stuff and I’m literally losing my mind because all I can think of is where in the happy ass fuck am I going to make room to farm more vegetables other than fucking pumpkins?! And gyroids are returning, but they come in broken pieces you have to bury, water and dig up the following day. Where am I going to have room for that?!?

Not to mention the fact that the amount of currency I have in the bank, while ridiculous (I wish my real bank account looked like that), isn’t going to be good enough. It costs to tear down staircases and bridges, build new ones (which are crazy expensive), move homes (also crazy expensive) and now the characters that would visit your island will have their own area on a separate island (that’s been there from the beginning) but guess who has to fund their little trailers so they can open up shop? You guessed it; I do… I’m so not prepared for any of this shit, I’m really not. I wish Nintendo would have told us this months ago so we could have started saving then already. Or, better yet, make things not cost so much in game that we need to save an insane amount just to do what we’d like to do to make our islands look like paradise.

In the meantime, I’ll leave myself with this message…

Well… what else can I do, right? I’ll muddle through all this shit and eventually my back will chill the fuck out and I’ll be me again. I hope… At least until the next time I’m doing nothing strenuous and it just decides to have a massive moment on me.

At this point, however, I’d really appreciate it if you guys could send some positive, healing vibes. I’m seriously bored out of my fucking skull just sitting here in traction, doped up on muscle relaxers and pain killers and watching television. And sleeping… That shit makes me do a lot of sleeping. Just send them all care of this blog.

My back will thank you for it!

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