So Here It Is, Merry Christmas

Yeah, I managed to stuff a tree and presents in here…

Is that Train song stuck in your head now…? Or maybe you don’t know “Merry Christmas Everybody“? Go listen and watch the video. I’ll wait…

Now that you’re back and that song will be in your head until next Christmas (you’re welcome, muahahaa), we can begin.

I’m sorry to say, I will be spamming you with fun Animal Crossing scenes or screenshots I took… Well, not all my pictures will be of that, but some. Just my luck, I caught some intestinal bug and have been sick for the past week. Aside from laying on the sofa, curled up in pain and watching Christmas movies and, you know, getting sick, what else was there to do? I played my video game and made a lot of cute Christmas pictures that I then texted to my mother and drove her bat shit insane with…

I know, most of you think this is just a childish game, right? Actually no, you’d be surprised that most of the people who play this are adults. There’s even a YouTube video of an 88 year old grandmother who plays! And I’ve found that children don’t seem very interested to be honest. It’s slow paced and relaxing.

It’s also more than just a game. People have figured out how to go bat shit crazy with their creativity. I saw a YouTube video where someone toured an island that was made up to look like Whoville. And since the dream address was given, I had to go see it for myself. I took about 40 screenshots! I’m not kidding, this place was so creative and amazing, I was blown away! It was literally Whoville created in Animal Crossing!

Pay no attention to the mess behind the tree… This was right after I put it up and I was just shoving things wherever I could to make room for the behemoth. It’s one of those Balsam Hill ones and they’re a lot bigger in girth than they look in pictures.

Surprisingly, I just wasn’t feeling it this year.. That’s happened on occasion. Some years I’m so maniacal about it and I go a little crazy to the point that, when you walk into my house, it’s like walking into one of those Christmas Village places. You know the places I mean… There isn’t a square inch that isn’t covered with something that just screams Christmas. I actually was excited at first, but by the time I started decorating, I simply didn’t feel like making it such a grand thing anymore. I’ve had a few years like that… There were years where you were lucky I put up a tree. It goes way beyond holiday blues and into this bottomless pit of depression. The weird thing is that I have no idea what causes it. I’m usually fine until the time comes to do the actual decorating. That’s when it all of a sudden runs me over like a freight train. I wouldn’t say that’s what happened this year because it really wasn’t. Actually, I was feeling pretty good otherwise. I got my shopping done early, put a lot of thought into people’s gifts, actually had money to afford good gifts this year… I don’t know.

Sadly, I didn’t have room for all my nutcrackers this year… I must have over two dozen and with all the other decor I’ve been acquiring, there was just no room, so I only put out the ones that are key to the ballet. And, unfortunately, some really weird and some downright ugly decorations.

I believe it was last year when my mother decided to clean out her basement and brought me up boxes and boxes of decorations that used to belong to my grandmother, claiming she no longer had room for them and thought I might like them. Look at those angels… It’s not that she didn’t have room; she probably thought they were creepy. I haven’t seen these since I was little, which was the same with everything in those boxes with the exception of the ceramic letters that spell “noel”. She always put those out… To be honest, I don’t mind these angels (they have an interesting look) or the stacked snowmen candle holder. What I hate are the ugly ass angels that are sitting in front of my television. Christ on a mountain, are they ugly! But I put them out… She may not appreciate who owned them, but I do.

And, if you’re like me and you own cats, you know that you’re going to have live decorations every year at Christmas…

Sebastian was actually the first one under the tree. He didn’t even wait until it was in place and had a tree skirt before he was under it. Haiku at least had the decency to wait until it was shoved back in its spot and had a tree skirt… Even now, when there are presents under the tree and there is absolutely no room for her ample, pear shaped ass, she still manages to find a way to crawl over presents and jam herself under the tree. You can tell by that smug look on her face that she’s flat out telling you she plans to be an asshole… Cats are jerks, I don’t care what the fuck Jackson Galaxy says. They’re not always bored. Some cats are just fucking jerks. I’ve lived with them 44 years; I should know.

It’s actually been a really rough month… I’ve had some financial issues that required a lot of back and forth calls and me flipping shit on people… How hard is it to do your job and make sure people get paid?! Do you think people live on nothing?! You think I’m going to get by on my good looks?! Yeah, that and a token might get me on the bus… I’m dating myself by using that expression, but it fits the situation… On top of that, I had Morticia calling me constantly, bawling about how much she hates her job. One day she called to ask me if I had an extra room because she was going to lose everything she had and started bawling. Her paycheck was just sent to the wrong place and was already sent back out! Is she really that self absorbed?! She knew my situation. She knew I had no idea when the fuck my money was coming in and it had already been almost a month. How dare she cry to me?! And all the shit with “Mommy Dearest”… So I bought myself something pretty and cheerful to brighten my place up a little bit. Aren’t they nice?

I also got another interesting type of cheer… While at the mall, I saw this stand with all sorts of candles. The man running it makes them himself and he has all designs and scents. He had pies, jams, sodas, mixed drinks, all of which smelled like the real deal (the piña colada one really made me miss drinking) and looked amazing! But it was the Merlot I smelled first. I wanted to get a few more things for my sister and she and her boyfriend are wine drinkers, so I thought what better candle for her than one that looks and smells like a real glass of Merlot? No lie, it smells like the real thing. He only had two left, so I decided to snag them both. I’m a candle fanatic myself and this was one I couldn’t pass up. It smells fantastic and it looks so beautiful when it burns. It cost me $15 per candle, but for the scent and the fact that they burn for 80 hours? I can’t complain… Besides, my sister is so hard to buy for. She alone makes an obscene amount of money. If she wants it, she just buys it herself. So I need to get creative. One year I got her a journal who’s cover looked like Han Solo frozen in carbonite (she’s a big Star Wars fan also). Practical and fun! Last year one of the things I got her was a Simon LeBon Pop! figure (he was her favorite in Duran Duran). This year one item is a coffee mug with Darth Vader that says “Merry Sithmas”… You see where I’m going with this, right? I get her a bunch of little unusual things…

Speaking of my sister… I actually managed to get her and her boyfriend to come here for a bit on Christmas Eve! They can’t stay long because her one dog fell very ill the day after Thanksgiving and she needs constant care, but I’m happy they’re coming. Now, whether I feel up to it or not, I need to clean house and I only have a few days. GAH! Wish for that Christmas miracle because I’m going to need it!

And so, dear readers, I’ll leave you with a Christmas card of sorts, from me to all of you… Just some of the silly scenes I cooked up in my game, but I thought they were cute. My mother told me I could use them for Christmas cards which, had I made them earlier, I probably would have… So I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday, enjoy yourselves, love one another and I’ll see you on the flip side. Peace and love this holiday season! – Jackie Blue

And Suddenly The Whole World Has Gone Nucking Futs…

When I was in elementary school, all the 4th grade classes were taken to see the local yokel version of The Nutcracker (remember, I live in bumblefuck). My sister, who is five years my senior, had a classmate and friend who danced in it and her brother was in my class. He and I sat together and marveled as we watched her. I was in love with that ballet ever since…

Sadly, I’ve never gotten to see it live again… I have, however, watched it on television. There used to be a channel Dish Network had called Ovation and every year in December they would have “The Battle of the Nutcrackers”. They would show various ballet troops performing the same ballet and you could go online and vote for your favorite. Sadly, they ditched that channel and I haven’t seen it in years. But thanks to the magic of the Fire Stick, I was able to buy the ballet from Amazon! They had a lot to choose from, but I’m partial to the Russian performers myself. I mean, it’s originally Russian; they seem to take more pride in performing it.

Bolshoi… You want to watch The Bolshoi Ballet…

So, here’s where it get’s more than a little weird…

As I’m desperately trying to find the Bolshoi version, I was also looking at the others listed just in case I couldn’t find it and needed to choose another and, in the process, skimming over the descriptive blurbs they had written. One had actually used the term “budding sexuality” when referring to Clara… WHAT?!? Excuse me, but… What kind of crack were you smoking at the time when you wrote that and why aren’t you sharing because it’s obviously some good shit… Good god! The story was written back during a time when young girls (Clara is a pre-teen at best) didn’t even know about sex! Hell, my great aunt told me the first time she got her period, her mother told her to go ask her sister (my grandmother) because, apparently, in the 1920s, moms didn’t like to explain it once let alone multiple times! How the fuck do you get “budding sexuality” from The Nutcracker?! What I get from it is a young girl’s silly, romantic ideas of what falling in love will be like, dreams young girls used to have… Or they did when I was one… Or maybe I was just weird (because I’m not that old…)

And just when you think people couldn’t get any fucking stupider…

Last night I was engaged in a conversation about music (one of my favorite subjects) and David Bowie came up in topic. While I was rattling off some of my favorite of his tunes, I made mention to one particular song in the movie Labyrinth, “As The World Falls Down”. Of course no one knew which song I was referring to even when I described the scene, so I whipped out my phone, opened YouTube and played it.

Then I did a bad thing and read through the comments… Some jackass actually went off on a tangent (trying to sound intellectual and failing miserably with all the misspellings and missed words) on how this movie was about Sara trying to regain the innocence she had lost and that Jareth, the Goblin King, was grooming her because he was in in love with her, blah blah blah… And he actually had a few idiots agree with him! Thankfully there was one person who pointed out why he was a fucktard so I didn’t have to do it myself. Good thing… I wasn’t really in the mood.

I really don’t know why people always have to read something nasty and sexual into innocent things… Nothing happened to Sara in her past; she was never molested. Her only problem was that she was immature and overly dramatic. She hated that her father and stepmother wanted her to be responsible for one fucking night and babysit her infant half-brother, Toby. Which you can clearly see when she pitches a hissy, tells Toby she hates him and says, “I wish the goblins would come and take you away, right now.” And then they do… which is when she first meets Jareth, the Goblin King, who tells her to go back to her room and play with her toys, forget about the baby. But Sara can’t do that… She suddenly feels that sense of responsibility. So Jareth gives her the opportunity. She has thirteen hours in which to solve the Labyrinth or Toby will remain his. Sara faces a lot of trials and tribulations, a lot of setbacks, and a lot of fuckery on Jareth’s part. He does whatever he can to stop her, including changing time so she has less of it, enlists the help of one of the inhabitants to mislead Sara, all to detain her, but she keeps pushing on. She’s learning to be responsible and, in the end, realizes that doesn’t mean she has to completely give up all of her childish things all the time just because she has to grow up a little.

The scene in question, which this still was taken from, was the masquerade ball scene…

Sara (Jennifer Connelly) was in really life about 14 or 15 when this movie was made (the same age I was at the time). And, as you can see, David Bowie held her very respectfully as they danced since she was a minor. As for the storyline of Jareth conditioning Sara… That wasn’t the case. The “poison” peach he’d had one of the other characters give to her wasn’t to ruffie her. It was, however, meant to detain her. But, by that point in the movie, Jareth was falling in love with Sara. So he trapped her inside a pleasant place, gave her a romantic fantasy to forget all about finding Toby. Mind you, I said romantic, not sexual. Nothing about this scene or the movie was sexual at all or conditioning of any kind. Usually conditioning consists of being nice and then turning asshole. Jareth did it backward. When he finally professed his love, he made sure he pointed out all he’d done just for her benefit and that he was exhausted from living up to her expectations of him. He told her all he wanted was for her to stay, let him love her and he would be her slave. That’s groveling, not conditioning. And she spurned him in the end because she realized that wasn’t what she wanted.

Honestly, this is pretty much why I deleted my Instagram, my Twitter and don’t go on Facebook. Actually, that would be gone as well, but I have friends in other countries and it’s free to call them through Facebook, so… But the point is, I seriously just can’t deal with the fucktards anymore. For Christ’s sake, have these people nothing better to do than to make characters in G and PG movies victims of some horrible, repressed sexual assault when they were a child when no such thing occurred? Have they nothing better to do than to look at an innocent romantic delusion of a teenage girl an say, “Oh shit, look man, he’s grooming her! What an asshole!” Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people?! These movies were made back during a time when that wasn’t a topic in films, get over yourselves! I mean, did I write a post likening the kids in Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory to the seven deadly sins? Yeah, for shits and giggles… It was just one of my musings I decided to write down. And you can’t tell me that Augustus kid wasn’t gluttony, hahahaa!

So I shall leave you something funny after my tirade…

While playing Animal Crossing yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with Wolfgang. He’s a grumpy type villager, the type that acts like an old duffer who’s baffled by newfangled technology. This time he was speaking, obviously, of a Roomba. His whole issue was that some people can’t afford to have floors and only have dirt floors (in this day and age, I think that only applies if you live in North Korea). That’s when the conversation took an interesting turn. After the first screen shot, here, I literally sat here for two minutes just staring at my Switch, blinking dumbly, because the thought never occurred… Wolfgang had literally blown my mind for a good solid two minutes. What the actual fuck! Yes, a video game character blew my mind so bad I could only sit and stare at the screen… That’s actually kind of sad… But give that some thought. If you had a dirt floor, would the Roomba ever stop?! I’m telling you, it’s going to be the new “what’s the sound of one hand clapping” or “if a tree falls in the woods and no one’s there to hear, does it make a noise”. Give it time; it’ll catch on…

Been Away, Haven’t Seen You In A While…

How’ve you been? Have you changed your style and do you think that we’ve grown up differently? Don’t seem the same. Seems you’ve lost your feel for me…

Wow sorry, I just totally had that song “We Just Disagree” in my head thanks the the first part of my title and my brain just kind of ran with it… But I’d like to think you guys are used to my eccentricities by now. Right…?

Anyway… Things have been really stressful for me lately and I’ve either been losing myself in my writing (because we all need our fantasies) or playing Animal Crossings because it’s a cute little escape. Prepare for spam, my friends…

I’ve had some rather big stresses come up along with the stresses I’ve been working on with “Dr. Phil” (I still think that’s funny) in therapy. Like huge, major stresses… One of the worst was having to have plumbers come to fix my leaky tub, which would have eaten up most of the money I’d saved for Christmas, then they broke something they had to try to get out and the amount was suddenly doubled! I didn’t have that kind of money and now didn’t have a working shower. So I had to do what I hate… I had to ask my sister for help. Imagine my surprise when she not only sent her handy man over to look at it, but she’d already paid him to fix it and buy the supplies. Now I feel like shit… I hate to have to ask for help…

My Animal Crossing photo shoot, hahahaa…

There were other major stresses (that thankfully came and went), but I’m still having stress over my mother. It’s… complicated. Dr. Phil asked me last time if I ever spoke to her about how I felt. I had a few times and he asked what had happened when I did and what would happen if I spoke to her over the current irritation. I told him she would belittle me and treat me as if my feelings weren’t valid. That’s what she’s always done. The closest I’ve ever gotten to an apology from her was, “I know I haven’t been the greatest mother; I’ll never say I was.” Well… I guess that sums it up… I actually gave him some examples of conversations we’d had over the years, the responses I’ve gotten… It’s pretty sad when your therapist tells you not to talk to your mother about what she did or said that hurt you because the response would only add more fuel to your fire. Literally, that’s what he said to me. He’s right, you know… That’s why I don’t talk to her about things. I did, however, talk to my sister. Amazingly, I think she gave me a good perspective. My mother got married right out of high school (she was knocked up), never had the chance to grow up and never has. She also told me that, had she not met her late husband, she thinks she would have never gotten out of that house, either. Imagine, a woman raises you to be so independent, then desperately holds onto you to take care of her…

They had a guitar case you can wear! Oh yeah!

So I’m already on the fence about how I fee about my mother… I feel bad if I think I hurt her or think badly of her. But then the other part of my brain kicks in and yells at me and asks why I should feel bad, after how she’s treated me and allowed the Sponge to treat me all these years, she doesn’t deserve me feeling bad for her or one of the fucking tears I’ve shed. And it’s like that in my brain all the time…

The Friday before Thanksgiving she really hurt me and didn’t even bat an eye about it… See, when I lived at home (and finally got my own home) my mother would trust me to make the family recipe for filling (or stuffing as some of you call it) because I was always in the kitchen with her and I had learned to make it. She trusted me to do it right and make it as my grandmother always had (though the recipe probably goes back further than that). But my sister? If we ate at her house, my mother would make the filling herself and take it over for my sister to bake because, no offense, my sister never could cook. And she had never spent time in the kitchen like I did to learn these things as I did. Considering that my mother thought my sister was so mother fucking wonderful in every single aspect of life (which I know isn’t my sister’s fault, it’s my mom’s), I always felt a little superior when it came to filling. I was allowed to make it; my sister was not allowed to do so. I’m sure you can imagine how pissed and hurt I was when she told me that Friday that she had been letting my sister make it for the past several years… Um… excuse me?! So in that one simple sentence, she took away the only thing that ever made me feel superior and special compared to my sister. I was devastated…

While telling Phil how all this made me feel. he told me not to worry. I hadn’t participated in family meals in 15 years. You come to my house or you don’t; I don’t care. He told me to go home and make the best filling I’ve ever made this year. And… this happened… I’ve never had filling rise up out of the dish like this. Same dish, I did nothing different… But let me tell you, it was the best tasting filling I’ve ever made. I showed my mother the picture and she was impressed it rose like it did. She also said she would take some (like I’d eat this whole dish) and told me, “It was GOOD!” Not only that, the Sponge said it was really good as well. So guess who retains their title of Queen of Filling…? Yeah, I do, thank you very much… I guess my subconscious took Phil’s advice very literally.

Since I was feeling so good about the whole regaining my superiority over filling making thing (this was also before those asshats came and broke my fucking shower and wanted to charge me almost a grand to fix it), I decided to put up my tree as I always do after Thanksgiving. Excuse the mess in the background… I finally broke down last year and, since I had the money, replaced the tree that was falling apart and bought a Balsam Hill one. I got the semi-realistic, but you’d never know to look at it. It’s so beautiful! Of course I said it just had to be the six and a half foot full one. No skinny trees here, nope… So the issue with a really fat ass tree is that I have little room to put it. So I just shove everything in the dining room (the mess you see in the background) so I can get the tree up and put in place. I hope… This year it was being difficult and just didn’t want to fit like last year. What the fuck… Still, it looks so cheerful, don’t you think?

Of course it would probably look a lot better without the “wall o’ Pops!”, as I like to call it, behind it. It all started with a Disney’s Robin Hood Pop! figure because I just love that movie; it’s my favorite. Now I have so many Pop! figures it looks like I live in Hot Topic… They’re on top of that bookshelf, my other bookshelf, on my shelves in my art area in the bedroom, packed away in boxes in the basement… It’s insane.

I do have one lament in all this… I don’t have room for all my Nutcrackers this year…

I… kind of have a problem with Nutcrackers… And when I say I have a problem, I mean I have a problem. Have you ever been in a store and they have displays of Nutcrackers where it forms a sort of Nutcracker pyramid? Yeah, I could probably do that if I would have shelves built. And every year I buy at least one more for some dumb reason. I always find one that I fall in love with. This year it’s one I found at Hobby Lobby… He’s a pirate! Yeah, I know, that’s got nothing to do with the story… Not to fear, I do have the Magician, the Mouse King, the Nutcracker Prince… Trust me, I wasn’t about to not have the ballet played out in my collection. But I had no room for all of them this year, so I only put out the most important. I’m actually quite sad about this…

And if you’re wondering about those ugly ass angels, well… Honestly they’re not as ugly as the other ones I have sitting in front of the TV at the moment. My mother had all these decorations that were my grandmother’s that she no longer put out so she gave them to me. These angels are okay looking… So are some of the other ancient decorations. But those ones in front of the TV?! Good god… You don’t want to know what I’d like to do to their fugly asses…

Sadly, due to some major stressors and the bullshit with my mom, I’ve just kind of isolated myself and hung out with my little animal friends… They’re very sweet to me and always make me smile. One day Marshal asked me if anyone told me I looked stunning in the windbreaker I was wearing. My thought was, “Marshal, no one has ever told me I look stunning period!” Yesterday Kabuki visited and I actually got some really nice pictures of his usually gruff and grumpy ass smiling and we were bopping to my latest and current favorite song, “K.K. Break” (it’s so 70s and retro sounding). It’s a nice escape and a good way for me to relax when everything around me seems to be falling apart or just becoming too overwhelming. It’s great relaxation therapy.

Always blurry when trying to hold psycho dog still…

Well, my friends, I think I’ll leave you with an early Christmas present… Holy shit, I’m sharing my ugly ass mug again! Hahahaa!

I really wish I could have gotten a clearer picture, but it’s so hard to get any clear pictures that involve “psycho dog”, here… Baxter used to take cute selfies with mommy. Now he’s usually so wired for sound he couldn’t sit still if you gave him a shot of curare… If you don’t know what that is, why are you reading this?! Go watch Gilligan’s Island! Seriously, and they say television isn’t educational… Anyway, I just love my little goober and decided I wanted a selfie with him. Besides, it was one of those days when I gave a fuck. Holy shit… Yes, I gave a fuck and did my makeup and hair, dressed nice… I wish I had days like that more often, but I don’t. Usually my days consist of depression and refusing to get up off the sofa and my pajamas and I being one and the same. That’s sad…

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