So… things have been a bit rough emotionally and mentally lately. I’ve been going to therapy, which does help, but it sometimes brings up some irritating subjects and feelings. I’d also somehow strayed from the very thing that made me feel better, my hippie dippy doings, which was bad. So I got my head out my ass and went back to what helped before. I even did some very mild yoga poses one day (my knees say “oh hell no” to about 90% of them I’m sorry to say) and I realized that my back and the side of my ribs felt so much better. Even that weird sacroiliac joint felt better! So I think I’m going to be doing those mild poses as part of my daily routine.

But hey, this is me we’re talking about here! Just when I start feeling better for whatever reason, whether it’s getting in touch with my hippie dippy side or working shit out in therapy or taking medication to fix whatever the fuck is wrong with my brain, there’s always something (or someone) that comes along to piss on my fucking parade… Pretty soon I’m going to start telling people to literally stay the fuck away from me because I’m going to have my fucking parade, damn it, and they’re not going to piss all over it! I’m so sick and fucking tired of being the person everyone comes to when they need to bitch or cry it out, especially when they don’t learn the first time. GAH!!!

So I’m sorry to say, dear readers… I’ll be spamming you with Animal Crossing screenshots. I just need the cuteness and the smiling faces right now.

I’m beginning to worry about my villagers, to be honest… I mean, the dialogue is all programed, so they tell us, anyway. I thought it a bit odd last year when I went to speak to Zell when he was seated and his response was to close his eyes and say, “Om…” He then opened his eyes and apologized, telling me he was getting in some power meditation. Then this conversation happened with Mint a few days ago where she’s telling me about her chakras… What the actual fuck?!? I mean, I know I named my island Zen Isle and I know I wanted it to be a little retro 70s and a little zen mixed together. I know I give them weird catch phrases to say (“namaste” being one, “jazzy” being another). But it’s like they’re starting to understand the concept. Freaky, isn’t it…?

I actually had to call Nintendo the other day because my game froze… The woman I spoke to and I got into an interesting conversation about how many adults she gets calls from that play this game. Honestly, it is mostly adults… We have the patience for a slower paced game and find it relaxing. And, if you’re creative like me, you can do amazing things like make forced perspective landscapes with dollhouses which, when put on the far side of a lake you build, look like far away houses. And you also get weird ideas when you get a DIY recipe to make a vine crown and think, “Hmm, I have a toga in my inventory and this crown would look perfect… I need to make a toga party scene with my villagers!” And then you actually do it… I belong to a Facebook group and when I was going on Facebook, I would upload these cute scenes and everyone loved them. It’s a creative outlet and a much needed escape for me.

So as to why I need to just breathe… Well, I was wrong when I thought that my issues with Morticia were over… You know, I love her, I really do. We’ve been friends for probably about a quarter of a century now. I want to help her; I really do. I want to help her make positive changes in her life. Like her house… It was her mother’s (she passed a year ago) and living there as it is, she still sees it as her mother’s house because it looks the same minus a few tiny changes. So I told her since she got back the expensive gift she had given Gomez (that he never deserved) she should return it, take that money and buy paint and I’d help her make that house her own. Baby steps… When her furnace went out over the weekend (and it was cold!) she was going to call Gomez. I told her no, she had to stop relying on him and I called my friend to see if her husband would look at that and the electrical issue that blew out half her house. I had hoped it would have proved my point; she doesn’t need to rely on Gomez for shit. Yet she’s been bringing his name up more often lately… And yesterday when I went to visit her and take her a gift I bought her at the hippie dippy store to help her, I had mentioned getting the money back from his gift and she told me she gave it back to him and said she told me she was going to. She had mentioned she wanted to and I told her I would kick her ass if she did. He didn’t deserve it. When I scolded her, she said she’s not like that…She bought it for him, so she gave it back to him. I’m sorry… WHAT?!?

So again it comes down to this… She thinks I’m cold hearted because I would have taken his gift back and returned it for the money. It was $300!! And that night, Christmas night, after he gave her gifts even your grandma would frown upon that cost maybe $30 total, he told her he didn’t love her or care about her. And then she gives the son-of-a-bitch the gift back?!?

I was so pissed yesterday (especially when she then said she was going to ask Gomez and his loser brother to help her paint the outside of the house) that I said he was going to give her the $300 she spent on that fucking gift, to which she told me, “No, just let it go. It’s not worth it.” Oh…?!? It’s not worth it! Morticia thinks it’s not worth it! Well then I guess it must be true, right?! Hahahaaa! Yeah… I don’t think so… I think it’s very worth it at this point…

So me confronting Gomez and telling him what a piece of human shit he is, that he’s not a real man and needs to pay her or give her the gift back (which he never should have accepted the second time) and never darken her door again is purely therapeutic for me. It’s worth it to me for every time I had to listen to her bitch, for every tear she shed that I had to bear witness to because he treated her like shit and she was so unhappy. It’s worth it for all the times I told her to leave his sorry ass and she never did because he had her so snowed that she thought the Gomez he was when they met was still in there somewhere even though I told her that Gomez never existed and it was a ruse to get her hooked. For all the stress and mental anguish she’s caused me by dumping her problems with him in my lap over all these years, it’ll be worth telling him I want to go up his nose, reach down and pull those little raisins he calls balls out through his nostrils. Will that make me feel better? Yes… yes it will…

Don’t worry; I’m not a psycho… The worst that’s going to happen to Gomez is that I’m going to say horrible things that will make him cry (I’m good at that) and maybe he’ll get punched in the dick if he really pisses me off…

Maybe it seems silly to be so angry, but those two ass clowns have caused me more mental anguish than you realize. There were times when I got off the phone with Morticia that I just sat here and cried because my own life was falling apart and I just didn’t need that 6th call of the day to tell me what an asshole Gomez was and how much he treated her like shit. And this was every fucking day for years! That’s enough to take a toll on anyone’s mental state. I started cringing when my phone rang, would nearly burst into tears when I saw it was Morticia. I eventually had to stop answering. It still took her a long time to get the hint and stop calling so much.

Honestly, for how much she’s talking about Gomez and making comments about how much he’d have to do to get her to take him back, I have a feeling I know where this whole thing is going… And I just can’t do this…

This causes an even larger issue… Despite the ups and downs we’ve had over the years and the fact that she can be really self absorbed and seems to feel that she needs to be right all the time, she’s still my friend of many years. But if she and Gomez get back together, it’s going to have to come to me giving her an ultimatum… that being that I don’t want to even hear his name mentioned, let alone any bitching or crying about his treatment of her because she’ll have brought this on herself. And if she can’t abide by that, then we can’t be friends because I simply can’t handle this shit anymore. Which I’m sure she’ll ask me to what shit I’m referring and I’ll blow like Krakatoa… I’ve already told her there’s a pattern in her relationships, all of which have been destructive, and she needs to break that cycle. I offered to help her, to help her gain some self confidence (like realizing she can do things on her own without Gomez’s help). So if it comes to that… how do you tell your friend that they’re draining all your energy, that they’re toxic and you don’t want to speak to them as long as they’re in a relationship with an asshat? It sounds shallow…

I’m not sure what to do… I know that you shouldn’t keep toxic people in your life no matter who they are because it hurts you, brings you down and they’re like energy chupacabras… But, by that same token, how can you turn your back on someone who needs help? Then again, if they wanted or even needed your help that badly, you’d think that they would have taken it, right?

Honestly, I wish I would have waited to give Morticia the present I got her at the hippie dippy store when I was last there… I got her a candle for “Inner Peace” and it had a charm tied to it (much like my “Venus Rising” one here) that I told her to make sure she wore all the time. The thing is, those candles aren’t cheap… Actually, they’re pretty expensive and most people would think I was insane for spending so much when I could have just gone out and bought a candle at the Dollar Tree for a buck. But they’re not the same, now, are they…? No, they are not… Scoff if you wish, but it really does help. And at this point I wish I’d have bought myself an “Inner Peace” candle because after all that’s been going on with Morticia the last few days, I sure in the fuck need all the help I can get to achieve some inner peace. I was so close to having some! But yeah, that’s all gone now… It’s been replaced by bang your head against the wall, face palm so hard your hand comes out the back side of your head stress. Some was my own, but Morticia dumped on most of it. I just can’t have this anymore; I really can’t have this… I don’t know what to do.

I went out shopping at this store called At Home and found these My Little Pony figures that are really little… I have a fetish; it’s the only girly toy I ever loved as a kid, so I bought all they had. Cute, huh? Even if they did screw up… Firefly, the pink one with blue hair was not a series one, she was series two and also a Pegasus. The rest are all series one as claimed. Why I know this or why I think you, dear readers, need to know this, I have no fucking idea… All I know is I shop when I feel bad…

I just don’t know anymore… I can’t afford to keep shopping every time that I get stressed or anxious or just feel down in the dumps and need to lift myself out of a funk. It only brings a temporary feeling of happiness anyway and I know that. But sometimes even those few moments of happiness are so precious because of the shit show going on around me that I would break the bank to have them. And now with all the shit going on with Morticia, I have a feeling that going broke may be a real possibility. Or at least it is until I find a solution. So if you have any advice, dear readers, I’d very much appreciate it…