Yeah, I’m going there… I’m sure we’ve all seen the clip, the cluster fuck that was the Oscars when Will Smith literally stormed up on stage and slapped the shit out of Chris Rock for making a joke against his wife and then proceeded to angrily tell him, “Keep my wife’s name out yo’ fucking mouth!” There seem to be a lot of people who aren’t on Will Smith’s side right now because of that… Honestly, I have to give him credit. I mean, the joke was in incredibly poor taste. Jada suffers from alopecia, a form of hair loss. Women are vain about their hair; you don’t joke about that. And I realize she cheated on Will and then tried to justify it by slinging bullshit at him (I saw that video as well) and perhaps he was stupid for forgiving her. But that was his choice. Either way, it’s rare to see a man standing up for his woman in today’s day and age in general, let alone in front of so many people and on a program that was cast worldwide. But he did it, because he loves her and someone hurt her. That’s chivalry, dear readers. It’s just my opinion, but I’m glad to see it’s still alive and well in at least one man on this planet…

It actually makes me a bit jealous that Will Smith can slap a bitch and get away with it and I can’t…

If you’ve been keeping up with my ramblings, you know I’ve been under some heavy duty stress lately (though I’ve chosen to keep most of what’s going on private). Sadly, stress and anxiety do bad things to me, like trigger massive IBS flare-ups. Yeah, I know… To those who don’t suffer from it, you think nothing of it. “So you get the runs or blocked up once in a while, big deal…” I wish that’s all it was… I won’t go into detail and gross anyone out, but it can be very painful and, if you’re like me, very difficult to manage. Fun times… I literally barely ate for over a week because of this flare-up and lost several pounds. Sounds fun, huh? The most solid things I was able to tolerate eating were Goldfish crackers (the plain ones), the pretzels and graham crackers. That’s nutritious… Even drinking liquids turned my stomach to the point of wanting to vomit. How delightful… So yesterday I had to see the GI doctor who, again, told me how hard it is to treat me since my IBS flare-ups seem to go hand in hand with my emotions. I still have no solution…

Two days after the flare-up started, I had to take my mother somewhere that was not in my car, but in a car that I’d only driven once before in a more rural setting. This time I had to drive it in a more urban setting and it was the first time driving with my new glasses that I still wasn’t quite used to yet. So… I was feeling sick to my stomach, bloated, as if my intestines were tied in knots from the lovely IBS flare-up, plus I had all this other stress I was going through. She was well aware that I was not familiar with this car and that I hadn’t yet driven with my new glasses and she knows I hate people telling me how to drive. I don’t fucking tell you how to drive, even when you forget to use your turn signals or run stop signs and I think I’m going to die on a five minute car ride. Shut the fuck up, let me drive! Nope… It was this horrible half hour or so of, “You’re going too fast, you’re following too close for how fast you’re going, you’re hitting the brakes too hard. I already had a heart attack, I don’t want to have another one.” I let out a disgusted snort at that, to which she replied, “I’m serious!’ I glared at her. So was I… I was pissed.

Of course this did nothing to help my lovely flare-up… Thanks, mom… So things got progressively worse until one morning when I was unsure which I was going to do first, use the facilities or throw up in the garbage can.

Granted, I’ve had mild issues since I can remember, but things have gotten much worse since I had gone through the outpatient program at the hospital when I was discharged. I was a hot mess of anxiety and depression (mostly anxiety) and I just wanted it to stop. I won’t say it didn’t work because, to a point, it did. It got the anxiety out of my head and I no longer had heart palpitations. But that was when all the stomach issues and the worst of my IBS began. It’s like they moved the physical anxiety from one place to another. That’s not fixing it, that’s just relocating it. And now it’s back in the other places it came from. Yeah, that really worked…

To top things off in the Seventh Circle of Hell that’s been my life for several months, now, I was almost certain I was going to have to do a memorial post for my old girl, Miko, here…

Late Sunday night, she began to have some weird sort of episode. I definitely knew it wasn’t a seizure… The dog I had prior to her had seizures and was on medication after having a grand mal seizure, so I know what that looks like (scary, in a word). But what happened to Miko was by far more frightening. She became stiff, lost control of her hind legs, lost control of her bladder and bowels. She threw up multiple times, her head was tilted at an odd angle. Her one eye was looking off to one side and was bulging slightly and she was drooling (something Shibas don’t normally do). To me, this showed all the classic signs of a stroke, at least a mini one. So off she went to the emergency vet as they were the only ones open (and insanely expensive) and I was prepared to put her down after an exam. The vet, however, thought it was vestibular disease, a type of vertigo in older dogs, which is treatable. She’s currently home and being treated and she is getting better. Though I’m not convinced there isn’t an underlying issue, which even the vet said a brain tumor could cause this vertigo. I still think it could have been a stroke. But I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt. If it doesn’t help, well…

Eventually, all this stress caught up to me and my back has been going into spasm an awful lot kind of randomly and I never know when it’s going to happen. I’ve been spending a lot of time binge watching movies while laying on a heating pad (weird movies, but that’s a post for another time) and I took to Reddit to see what people thought of my Animal Crossing island to see where I could improve things, which I know it needed.

Which is actually a good thing… With this lousy “springter” weather (we had temps in the 20s and snow yesterday during the day) and my back all fucked, it’s not like I can garden. So this was the next best thing. I went landscaping certain parts of my island that desperately needed it. At least my game knows how to change seasons… I think Mother Nature should take a lesson from Nintendo because this weather is all fucked up. Later this week it’s supposed to be near 70! My poor sinuses… They’re so confused…

You know, some people may see this as silly or a kids’ game, but you want to know something? It’s mostly adults who play it. And let’s face it, when you’re having a shitty day or a shitty week or a shitty life and someone asks if you know why they enjoy when you come into their shop to visit and this is the reply you get, it makes things seem a little less shitty, even if it is just a video game hedgehog telling you so. And a little bit of that stress just seems to melt away for that brief moment. If only real people could be so kind…