You know, I really wish WordPress gave more storage so I didn’t need to keep recycling pictures. Especially since the upgrade is so expensive for so little space and it’s paid monthly…

In any case… It’s been quite some time since I’ve written (and bitched about photo storage space). It’s been a rough ride, dear readers. Honestly, I’m surprised my hair didn’t turn as white as it is in this Snapchat photo! If I ever even consider throwing a large party again, I want someone to bitch slap me really hard upside the back of my dumb ass head and remind me exactly why it would be a really bad fucking idea! Now I know why party planners exist and why people hire them… They do all the work and worrying so you don’t have to! They’re kind of like Scrubbing Bubbles except they plan your party instead of cleaning your toilet… I’m not sure why anyone would actually want a job like that but, hey, more power to you if you like to work under a tremendous amount of stress and you don’t even get to kick back and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Sure, you probably get paid and paid well for your efforts, but still… Wouldn’t you want to enjoy what you created? I know I would…

And I did. But let me tell you something… I will never, ever plan a big party or event for myself ever the fuck again. I suffered horribly from all the stress. I couldn’t eat right, sleep right, I was suffering from the worst of my IBS symptoms because my stress and anxiety levels were off the fucking charts… And that was just from the planning! That didn’t include people making my life more difficult! It also didn’t include that my maintenance guy was able to come this past week to do work on the front of my house…

My actual birthday was pretty nice, actually…. I got some really nice gifts, including a bright yellow bicycle so I can get some exercise. I lazed around most of the morning until my uncle from Georgia called me. That made it a special day. I only get to talk to him at Christmas and we write letters the rest of the time, so it was a really special call. I picked up a can of paint for my shutters (I know, that sounds boring) then I went to see the local hockey team play that evening. I had a great seat! 6th row, very close to center ice! But they played like shit… By the last 20 minutes, they were down 2 goals and I thought, “It will take a miracle for them to come back and win…” I don’t know how, but they did it! They scored 3 goals, came back for the win and are going to the playoffs! And my name was on the Jumbotron as it was my actual birthday that night! How cool!

However, that was the only good day amid weeks of stress and anxiety… I was having a lot of issues. I was trying desperately to deal with the fact that my late friend, Michele, the one I celebrated birthdays with, would not be here to help me celebrate my milestone, the big 5-0. My sister was being a bit of an asshole, which is nothing new. She gets weird and I think a lot of it has to do with her snobby ass boyfriend. She’s snobby, too, but he’s just a huge douche. The response of, “We’ll come but we can’t stay long,” because douche was on-call and couldn’t be away from his computer. I’m not sure I bought that since he doesn’t seem to like us much, like he thinks we’re not worthy enough. Even the response made me feel as if I should feel privileged they were coming. My one niece simply said, “We can’t come. But thanks for the invite.” She’s literally turning into my sister… My other niece said she should be able to make it, she was “pretty sure” her and her boyfriend were going away the following weekend on vacation. When I told her not to worry if she couldn’t as her sister couldn’t come and her mother couldn’t stay long and I had other people who were going on vacation that weekend, she responded with, “Why do I feel like you’re trying to guilt trip me when I already said we’d come?” Really?! When, exactly, did you say you’d come? When you told me you were “pretty sure” your vacation was the following weekend?! That’s not telling me shit…

Much as I appreciated my mother making most of the food (I paid for the hall, soda, cake, some decorations and other shit), I didn’t need her calling me constantly to tell me what she decided to do with every little thing. We decided on the menu, just fucking make the damn shit! I don’t care what you put in what! Just fucking make it! Morticia was just as bad, wanting to make or bring big food items when I knew we had enough and she doesn’t have the money right now to do so (I gave her cheap stuff to bring because she insisted, pickles, olives, a bag of potato chips) and making all these suggestions on how to do things… GAH!!! I should have just given her and my mother each other’s numbers and told them to have at it and leave me be…

By the time the actual day came (which was this past Saturday, 4 days ago), I was so stressed and anxious, I was literally making myself sick. All I could do was hope that when I got to the hall and started decorating, I’d start feeling a little bit better. Luckily, that’s exactly what happened. I had only seen a few pictures of this place online (and they weren’t good ones) so I had no clue what the hall I booked looked like. It was huge! And it was a lot fancier than I thought it would be! It was so nice, I was in complete awe! Definitely worth my $450!

And what an amazing, fun night I had! My one friend, I’ll call her Jade, who I’ve been friends with over 20 years with online but have never met in person drove in from out of state to come to my party! I bear hugged her when I saw her! We took lots of selfies together and danced together, she twirled me on the dance floor… It was such fun! It was like we had been friends in person all these years! My mom and sometimes Morticia even joined us to dance! We had such a blast! Sometimes I just danced by myself! I had glitter neon colored fedora party hats, plastic bead necklaces and LED light up ladder shades (you’d be surprised how many adults like to be silly) and we had a blast! The food was great, so many people brought such delicious things as a side and one of my favorite aunt made her famous broccoli salad just because I asked her to! I had a beautiful cake, the best music… and I was surrounded by friends and family who loved me. I know it sounds crazy to say as an atheist, but I truly felt blessed! And I even got to disco dance to that song “K-Jee” from Saturday Night Fever! I may not have been able to do everything they did in their routine (I’m too old, too arthritic and I have osteoporosis), but it still looks great on video! I was so happy! I was also so drunk at the time on a bottle of Moët & Chandon and nearly puked with all the spinning, but… And when I started to sober up, I felt really nauseous the rest of the night and was in pain (you don’t know you’re hurting yourself when you’re drunk), but it was all worth it!

This week I’m just going to rest and recuperate from everything crazy that’s gone on the past month and all the awful things I did to myself Saturday… I still keep having horrible waves of heartburn, I’m still mildly sore and I’m just exhausted. So I’m going to lay like broccoli, be a vegetable and just say “fuck it” this week. Well, except hang around while my maintenance man fixes the front of my house. A present to myself… I’m finally making my house look pretty! But I don’t have to lift a finger, just hang out in case he falls off a ladder… It’s been a good week so far!