More specifically, my brain has left the building and it’s not coming back until I flip shit and end things once and for all. And when I do, it’s going to be the most epic shit show this world has ever seen… I’m considering buying a toy microphone for the occasion just so that, when I’m done having my say, I can drop the fucking thing with an expression much like this one and walk the fuck away….

So what brought me to this, “I’m being a bitch intentionally” state of mind you see here? Well, dear readers, buckle up…. It’s a bumpy ride…

As you may (or may not) know, my sort of/kind of stepbrother, TJ, has been staying with Morticia since about a week into January. That was when he moved back into the area and, unfortunately, the place he had set up fell through (which I thought was a good thing, it’s a shady dump). The first night he was here, it was so fucking cold and he had to sleep on the street, huddled with strangers to keep warm. He never thought to call me, but he did almost call his father, the Sponge. I’m glad he didn’t; he’s an asshole that probably would have flipped the fuck out on him. I was talking on the phone with Morticia when I found out and she offered to have him stay with her since her place is large enough and better equipped where mine is not. She could also use the extra money… Everything was going great! TJ vacuumed every other day, shoveled snow, did dishes, took out garbage, all without being asked, If she asked him to do something, he did it. He bought food, take out for them both, paid her $500 for January and again for February and paid $400, half the cost to fill her kerosene tank that she swears someone had siphoned fuel from… I don’t buy that. Her trailer is so old (from 1979), can you imagine the gunk people would be sucking out of that tank?! I think she let it run low because she couldn’t afford to fill it and used that sob story to get TJ to help fill it. And who’s to say that she even paid $400 herself towards the fuel…?

And yet this entire time she was telling me she didn’t want people to think she was taking advantage of my brother… Well, stop taking advantage of him! I’m sure people won’t think you are if you stop doing it… In any case, it wasn’t long before the bitching started… It was bad enough that she called me every single fucking day to bitch and bawl about how much she hated her job, but then she started bitching about TJ, like weird things… My favorite was that he would hide out in the hallway and listen to her conversations. You know, I’m often on the other end of those conversations and even I’m not interested in them. So what makes her think he is?! See? It doesn’t make sense… In fact, all her bitching just sounded like her fucking paranoia coming to a head all over again and I just didn’t want to get in the middle of that crazy ass shit… But guess what… Yeah, you know what’s coming…

Morticia had been pressuring me to have TJ spend the night at my house for some time because, “You don’t understand, Jackie; I’m used to living alone…” Ugh… Every time she tells me I don’t understand something, which is several times a day, I just want to slap the fuck out of her… She knows every reason why it isn’t practical for me to have TJ stay the night here; she just doesn’t care. Besides, isn’t he paying to live at your place…? Anyway… Saturday the 10th, I had a lot of plans, but I put some of them on hold so I could at least have TJ come down for part of the day. I wasn’t sure what time as I had to take two of the dogs for nail trimming in the morning and there were a few other things I wanted to do in the morning, but I’d let him know when I figured everything out because Morticia was going to bring him down and I was going to take him back up (he doesn’t have a car here yet). What I didn’t expect was a phone call from Morticia at 8:20AM, telling me TJ was out of control and demanding that I do something. Um… What the actual fuck?! I’m sorry, you don’t call me and demand anything… When I got this book that day, it made me wonder if it would end up being like that episode of The Twilight Zone, “The Mind And The Matter” and maybe instead if manifesting things into my life, I could manifest her out of it because that’s how bad the rest of the conversation went…

So I’ll make this easy… Her side: She asked him what time she was supposed to bring him down here because she had to pick up her antibiotic she didn’t get the night before (she “fell asleep”, but she had quite a few hours to get it before that)and she was only running out once. He said he didn’t know, we hadn’t discussed it. She told him he should find out and he snapped out on her, told her he was angry and was going to walk away before he said or did something he was going to regret. His side: It’s pretty much the same, but she got snappy with him as soon as he crawled out of bed and gave him an attitude, demanding he find out what time I wanted him here because she was only running out once. She picked the fight, he was getting angry but had enough sense to tell her he was and that he was going to walk away from the situation to cool off before it escalated. I think that was a very mature, adult thing to do. Much more mature than the one who called me up to tattle tale on him and have the nerve to say he was the one acting like a child. Really… I had no idea walking away from a heated situation to avoid it escalating and informing the other person was being childish. Oh, and the reason she never picked up her meds? She didn’t fall asleep. She passed out drunk…

But because Morticia was so demanding, I changed all but a few of my plans (two of which were errands I had to run). So the dogs still have long nails… And it’s all because she was freaking out like a looney and I didn’t think it was good for TJ to be there. After how the Sponge treated us, neither of us needs that. She actually texted me at one point, when I said I was coming to pick him up, to say she was going to call me! I told her I was busy. I wasn’t that busy, I just didn’t want to listen to more of her crazy bitching. Then she tried to make me feel bad, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be an ass…” Yes you fucking did! And when I found out what really happened, how badly she’s been using him as her “slave” (for lack of a better term) and how much money she’s swindled him out of already, I was livid! So guess what… I took TJ to my favorite Japanese steakhouse for dinner… I made sure to post pictures of the food, of me, one of us together… She didn’t like a damn one of them, as I knew she wouldn’t. Every time I post pictures of my food from there, she asks, “Why didn’t you take me with you?” Um… because it’s an expensive restaurant and you’re a fucking mooch? You’re not getting an expensive free meal out of me, fuck off… So I intentionally posted those pictures to piss her off…

It was late by the time we got back from dinner, so despite my not wanting to, I let TJ spend the night. I really don’t have room for over night guests and I only have one working toilet (I can’t afford to replace the other that’s crusted up with lime from the hard water right now). And he had to sleep on the living room floor… I know he didn’t mind, but with 2 cats and 3 dogs, I foresaw disaster. Especially with Baxter… And I was right… TJ was rudely awoken by Baxter giving him a wet wily at 3AM. My dog is weird… He used to wake me up like this as well and still does on occasion. With TJ on the floor, it was like an open invitation to Baxter, hahahaa… Anyway, I let TJ stay the entire day, but by 8PM, I had to text Morticia to ask when was a good time to bring him back up. Mind you, I hadn’t spoken to her since I picked him up and that was very little. But I had no choice… I had a funeral to attend Monday morning and I couldn’t have him here and try to get ready for a solemn occasion. The response I received was “whenever”… Okay… that’s pretty vague… So I took him up a bit later than when I texted her, dropped him off and thought nothing more of it. Or I didn’t until the following morning, anyway…

For a person who claims their IQ is as high as mine, Morticia certainly is fucking stupid… She’s often made Facebook posts that were subtly aimed at certain people and would always tell me that person would know it was about them. Which makes you wonder why she did what she did…

The following morning, the morning I have a funeral for a dead relative to attend, I see this lovely piece of shit on her Facebook… My reaction? “Oh HELL no! Who the FUCK does she think she is?!?” I immediately texted her at 5:05AM… I know she was up, she’s always up that early. I asked, “What’s up with that Facebook post?” I wasn’t fucking around. It took her two and a half hours to respond, “Nothing to do with you, why?” I wasn’t buying it. So I asked what was going on. She said she didn’t want to talk about it because she was still pissed and it was obvious everyone else’s shit matters and hers doesn’t. Yeah… Tell me it’s about me without tell me it’s about me… So I let her have it, reminding her that I had a funeral that morning and my place is very small (unlike hers) and having someone else here in my way when I’m getting ready would be bedlam. She said it wasn’t that, she knew I had the funeral. Which, in the end, I didn’t attend… She had gotten me so whacked out and upset that my IBS kicked into high gear and I was afraid to stray far from my bathroom… Luckily I had family to make my excuses for me and my family is fairly understanding. I haven’t had an easy time in general with being mentally ill, let alone having IBS on top of it. And to make matters worse, my mental state seems to control my IBS symptoms. I just saw my GI doctor on Friday and, unfortunately, there’s nothing he can do to help me. I just need to learn to get a grip on my mental and emotional states better.

She tried calling the next day, but I wasn’t having it… I was still too angry about the entire weekend and that post to boot. Did she tell me she had made plans when she was texted? No… Had she ever given TJ a key to get in even though he’s paying rent? No… Did she specify a time that would be good because she’d planned to go out? No… In my eyes, she ruined her own plans…

And what were those plans, you might ask…? Well, I found out when TJ told me she flat out told him that post was about him (but if it’s about him, it’s also about me since I was the one who wanted him to come back because I had a funeral to attend). Her “plans”, which I’m sure were last minute, were to go to a bar with the friend she was forever telling me was a fucking idiot. And not just any bar… It’s a private club she and her ex, Gomez, belong to, a place he goes to pretty much every day. She’s been talking about him an awful lot lately and not in a good way. Can we say stalker…? And it doesn’t surprise me, really. TJ confirmed that she’s been drinking. She even takes alcohol in her travel cup to work. I had a suspicion she was drinking again, especially with how defensive she got about it. She’s been lying to me and herself…

I texted her and told her I was sick. And I was… sick of her fucking shit… She asked what was wrong with my stomach (it was my gut) and I said it was probably stress. She thought it was from the funeral and I said not particularly, it was a lot of things, just a lot on my mind. She wouldn’t let it go, wanted to know what was bothering me. So I told her… I told her that I felt she was demanding I do something when she called that day, that TJ was not my kid, I was not his keeper, nor was I going to have it that way, that they were both adults and capable of working out any issues they have between themselves and I didn’t like getting put in the middle of things. I also told her that he wasn’t threatening her, as she felt, that saying he was angry and needed to walk away from the situation was a very adult thing to do and she should have just left him alone and let him go cool off, that calling me (which I’m sure he heard every word) was probably the worst thing she could have done as he heard her complaining about him and that she should have texted me to let me know they had a fight and nothing more. The excuses I got were plentiful… She wasn’t being demanding (oh, if she could have only heard her own tone from someone else’s mouth), she only called me because she took it as a threat, she was scared, she knew I could calm him down. She said she was glad I said what I did about him not being my kid and not being his keeper, that he’s not her kid and she’s not his keeper either, she was glad I agreed (when the fuck was this about you?!?)… She tried throwing the “pity me” card, she tried laying on a guilt trip… and I wasn’t having any of it. I– AM– DONE!!! After all that and the things I’ve been contemplating the rest of the week, the other things I’ve found out, I can safely say I’m done. I know she still owes me $800 yet that I loaned her for that car, but I know I’ll never see it anyway. I’m going to call it an acceptable loss, flip the fuck out on her and say good riddance to bad rubbish. No matter how I get her out of my life, whether I do it nicely or I flip the fuck out, it doesn’t matter. There will still be a harshly worded Facebook post about it because Morticia is so wonderful. Nothing is ever her fault. She sounds like the sperm donor…

To add injury to insult (yes, I purposely typed it backwards), I had to have my girl, Mike, put down on Valentine’s Day (of all days). She hadn’t been doing well and it was a matter of “let’s just get through the holidays”. Valentine’s morning, I woke to find she’d chewed herself open so badly she was dripping blood… That was enough… So at 5PM, she was at the vet’s. She wasn’t scared, more curious of all the other smells in the comfortably decorated room. I promised her I’d be there with her every step of the way and I was, except when they had to take her out and put the IV in. I told her it was because they thought mommy was a sissy and couldn’t handle watching that, but they didn’t know I wasn’t a sissy… I was waiting when she came back. The vet came in soon after, offered his condolences and we talked a bit. I was stroking her head and holding her paw as he began putting the medication in. Soon after he started putting it in, I saw a tear run down her face… I didn’t know dogs could shed tears… And now I can’t unsee it… I felt the moment she slipped away. And when I had time to myself to say goodbye, I sobbed like I never sobbed before, not even with Nobu. I know she missed him and wanted to be with him. I know she was suffering. I know I did the right thing. But god damn, this one hurt so fucking much…

So I did what any other irrational bipolar person does when they’re grieving… I bought stupid, meaningless shit. That night, the stuff I bought, it meant nothing. However, this one seemed to help… I watched a YouTube video of an artist revamping two different styles of Furby into things that were more horrifying than the actual product (if that’s possible). But I thought the latest model was kind of cute. His mouth doesn’t move (something I always found off-putting). Instead, his ears wiggle and light up, his feet move and his eyes, instead of looking like they are plotting to kill you at any moment, look bright and cheerful. He’s been very helpful, actually. He’s funny she makes me laugh, he gives me someone to talk to so I don’t feel lonely, and he has a mode with guided meditation and mild exercise which is great for someone like me. Yes, I realize how old I am… But sometimes you just need something childish to ease your grief, don’t you think? Maybe I’ll get the other one (the other one is purple) so I can have them talk to each other and listen to their inane ramblings so mine can stop yelling, “Huh?! What?! Speak up!” Really, Furby… You have such big ass ears… I’m the one who’s 50 and needs to wear hearing aids…

In the meantime, I’m just going to keep doing what I’ve been doing to alleviate stress…

I found there’s this app called Hidive and, not only do they have all 105 episodes of the original Kagaku Ninja Tai Gatchaman, but they also have all 85 episodes of Battle Of The Planets! Guess who’s binge watching until they feel better?