How are you today, dear readers…? I hope you’re having an absolutely lovely day today!

I can hear you all now… “What the fuck has Jackie been smoking and why isn’t she sharing it with us?! That must be some good shit!” Um… recreation use hasn’t been legalized here… yet… So no, I haven’t smoked that little bag of indica I have, not yet. But you didn’t hear me say that… hahahaa!

Actually, this is a natural high and for so many reasons! It was a really rough road to get here, but I figured I would share the reasons for my happiness since I’ve been on such a downer for a long time.

Admittedly, some of this is due to the fact that last Sunday I made another trip to the local hippy dippy store and spent more money… which I shouldn’t have… In all fairness, I went to get TJ a “room warming” gift, something to help chase away the blahs of living in a one room place that was most of the way underground. Like I wasn’t going to find things I couldn’t resist, things that called to me and made me feel better! So yeah, I spent money… It’s a good thing I did buy TJ a present. I’d been in one of those rooms about 30 years ago and they were depressing then when the walls were a bright cream color. Now they’re gray and make the place really dank and depressing. Good thing he needed supplies. We ran to Dollar General and while he was getting what he needed, I was getting some cheap decor to liven the place up. I couldn’t stand the dank. And it’s not good for his depression…

But I’m getting ahead of myself… TJ moved into a room last Monday! It’s not awful… It comes with a bed, microwave, mini fridge and TV (with cable) and has its own toilet and sink (shared shower). My mom bought him sheets, I bought some decor and a pack of printed colored paper to make shapes to just slap up on the wall for now until I can paint him some landscapes or something. I told him not to tell Morticia he was moving. After everything that happened, she didn’t deserve to know. She never even gave him a key, for Christ’s sake! And she’d been trying to get him out since he moved in. So that afternoon, while I was there, she texted me to sarcastically tell me it was nice of TJ to tell her he was moving out. I played dumb only because. I was there with him and it wasn’t the proper time to get into scream fest with her. “What?! What do you mean?” She told me he moved out and couldn’t even say anything or give her the respect to tell her… She tried to call me after that text, but I made an excuse as to why I couldn’t talk. We will have that conversation, but it wasn’t the proper time or place.

This really stuck in my craw (man, I sound like an old lady saying that)… She actually thinks she deserves respect?! For what?! You treated him like shit, made him your slave, flipped out on his ass for no reason in your drunken rampages, couldn’t even be bothered to give him a key to come and go as he pleased then blamed him for your plans being ruined when it was your own doing because you didn’t give him a key… Why the fuck should he respect you?! You never respected him in any way. All you did was use and abuse him. Respect isn’t just given; it has to be earned. I’m sure that’s something she was never taught or never learned. Or maybe the alcohol has killed off enough brain cells she’s just not coherent enough for this to make any sense.. either way, I made sure TJ knew all of this. I know he told me he did, but I still didn’t trust that he did. I made sure to drill it into his head that she’s an asshole and in no way did he need to respect her because she never earned his respect. Honestly? I’ll tell her that right to her fucking face… She doesn’t deserve anyone’s respect. All she knows how to do is lie, manipulate and treat people like shit to get her way.

She hasn’t actually spoken to me much since that weekend when all that shit went down. I don’t care… She’s been too busy using the friend she calls a fucking idiot… And she is a fucking idiot if she can’t see she’s being used. But I digress…

She texts me now and again, randomly… But the thing about these texts, they’re not subtle at all. The one she sent: “What’s going on?” I replied, “With?” She answered, “You.” At this point, I’m pretty sure she knows something, but I’m not giving her anything. I reply, “As far as what?” She asks how I’m doing, how certain family members are doing… I did tell her I was stressed to see what would happen and, sure enough, she was pushing to find out what. I told her it was a lot of things going on. Then she plays the good “friend”, wanting to know if there’s anything she can do to “help” I told her no, I was just going to have to wait until these things worked themselves out on their own, “but thanks for the offer”. She was fishing… I know she was fishing… But that’s fine… She can say whatever she likes about me, spread ugly rumors and whatnot. She’ll be sorry she did it. I took pictures before I left her place with TJ, In particular, the refrigerator. You wouldn’t believe the amount of booze in there. And it would only take one anonymous call to her employer to have them check her Yeti cup or smell her breath to know she’s drinking. She’s also wanting to apply for disability. I’m sure they’d love to see those pictures… And she can say all she wants that she keeps it there for when the kids visit. Only one of her kids visits, rarely, and he prefers beer, which she doesn’t have…

So now that I’m getting my ducks in a row and I’m feeling good about myself again without Morticia in my life, I’ve decided to make some crazy purchases to treat myself for putting up with her bullshit all these years… Like this little guy…. Admittedly, it’s more useful than the Google one my niece bought me (the one and only Christmas present she ever bought me because it was on sale and she was working seasonal help at Target and got a discount) and I thought $100 wasn’t bad for an Apple product. But Siri is an idiot… I’ve looked all over the internet and tried every solution, but Siri is too fucking stupid. Even if I say, “Siri, play Passion Pit (the name of a group) in my library“, he tells me he can’t find that in my library… If I ask for a specific song, in my library, he can’t find that, either. He’s apparently geared to find anything in Apple Music (which I don’t subscribe to because I like owning music) but couldn’t find his ass with both hands within my own phone. And all the solutions I’ve read and tried have failed. Ugh…

I also got this little thing called a Furblet… While a normal Furby doesn’t have a name, a Furblet does. This one is Ray-Vee (I guess because he looks like he’s going to a rave?) and he’s supposed to interact with the large one. I got the large one interacting and recognizing the small one, questioning if Furby shrank, saying, “Hello, little guy!” But Furblet just seemed to space the fuck out and didn’t want to talk to the big one. So either I have to keep trying or I’m just going to end up getting another big one. My curiosity to hear them yammer on together about nothing is way too great! As long as they don’t start talking about global domination, we’re okay, hahahaa! I would have worried about that more with the old ones than the new ones. The new ones like to repeat the same shit over and over again, most of which is about pizza or throwing you compliments. And, occasionally, he likes to yammer on about being president of the moon one day. Yeah, sure… why not? If they start getting too uppity, ship all their asses to the moon where they can fight to the death to see which one becomes president. Just don’t forget to send along the Star Trek fight scene music so they have something to duke it out to!

But that’s not why I’m feeling good today… Yesterday was such a beautiful day! It was warm, sunny, the air smelled good… I opened up my house and aired out the winter stank… It smelled like spring had sprung even though it’s weeks away. Spring is a wonderful time for me. I always feel so rejuvenated in spring. It’s as if I feel reborn with the Earth. I often wonder if it’s because I was born in spring as I hear this from a lot of other spring babies. Maybe this happens to more people than just spring babies…? I don’t know. But the way things were yesterday… I felt so amazing that it carried over into this morning! I feel very much alive, as if I’ve been reborn! I suppose that’s why I’ve always loved spring so much. You can’t beat that feeling… I might sound like too much of a hippie, saying I feel that connected to the Earth, but I really do, especially in spring. It’s a feeling I just can’t put into words and I really wish that I could so you could know…

Oh yes, I almost forgot… Miko came home…

Not that I wish to end this on a somber note, but I felt it was important to add this somewhere. I also have her partner in crime, Nobu’s, ashes and paw prints. It’s sad and I cried when I happened to look at her paw prints and saw how dainty her feet were…

But despite everything, I know I did what was right. She was suffering and ready to go. And to be honest, I think these past 5 years, she’s missed Nobu the entire time. When I told her she’d cross the Rainbow Bridge and get to be with Nobu again, that seemed to make her feel very much at ease. Do I believe it? I’m an atheist, what do you think? But it made her feel better, knowing she’d see him again. And who knows? Maybe I’m wrong and she’s with him again, running and playing together without pain and dementia. That thought makes me happy to think about, so I just keep it in my head. At least she’s home, just not the way we wanted her to be… Baxter seems to have come to terms with it finally and so has Roxie. That’s all I can ask for. Depressed pups are the saddest thing ever.