If you have a family, and I’m sure most of you do, you know that it’s not like the fucking Brady Bunch. Far from it… Recently, mine has been more like an episode of Snapped…

The last week or two has been an absolute shit show… I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but I’m not. I’m just so fed the fuck up with everyone and everything that I’m about to say “fuck it” and miss out on a very important event. I’ve been so fucking stressed, I can see where my hair has started to fall out… And most of this is due to family over said event.

So… Buckle up, dear readers. I’m about to take you down that dark ass road, into the insanity and flat out stupidity of my family. And I apologize in advance… I know you don’t really want to hear me vent and complain about what’s going crazy in my life right now, but I need to write this. I have to vent my frustrations somehow and I figured sharing it with all of you may help me find some relief. Who knows? Maybe one of you will have some insight or some suggestions on how to avoid losing my ever-loving, fucking marbles…

My oldest niece is getting married in two days…

Aside from the stress this is causing because it makes me feel old, I’ve been looking forward to this for months. The ceremony takes place in the late afternoon, there’s a reception and an after party. There’s also a Renaissance Fair the next day that guests can attend. There’s a hotel guests can stay in and a shuttle that takes guests to and from the venue. Sounds amazing, right? As this is a two hour drive for me, I was planning to stay overnight so I wouldn’t have to drive home extremely late (I’m too old for that) and go to the fair the following day. But you know what they say about “the best laid plans of mice and men”…

I was doomed…

I had spoken to my sister a few months ago concerning the wedding… She was so upset, which is unlike her, all because my mother told her that she and her boyfriend, Sponge, would not be attending. One excuse was that her car would not make such a long drive (she’s probably right on that one) and she gave a plethora of other, more lame excuses. My sister was beside herself… “How’s it going to look if the grandmother of the bride can’t be bothered to show up?!” I agreed… And it’s especially bad when you realize my niece will be missing her father: he died years ago. It just wasn’t right…

Aunt Jackie to the rescue!

It took quite a lot on my part, but I finally convinced my mother that we could rent a car and they could go with me; that way neither of them has to drive. She would never make such a long drive. Thank heavens because the woman is a menace on the road. And Sponge… Well, he’s had cataract surgery and, ever since, he’s not exactly confident in his driving abilities because his eyesight isn’t what it used to be. Understandable since he just turned 75 and my mother turns 76 in about a week… Going with me in a rental (no milage on my car that way) was the best option. She still hemmed and hawed, reluctant to go. I’m not sure why… This is her granddaughter! Why wouldn’t she want to see her get married?! It was just weird… So I got loud with her, pointing out that she would make the entire family look bad if she didn’t go and she would make my niece cry. I told her she was going and we’d travel together. Sponge could come or not, I didn’t give a fuck…

Now… I knew my mother and Sponge didn’t want to stay overnight after the wedding. I sacrificed a night in a nice hotel and a day at the Renaissance Fair just to get those two rejects to do the right thing. Are you following so far? Good…

A week ago, my mother decided to drop this bomb on me: Sponge was going to drive the rental because, “he kinda knows where we’re going and he has GPS”… Everyone has fucking GPS! It’s in our fucking cell phones! And “kinda” knowing where we’re going isn’t the same as knowing! And since when has she been in charge?! Last time I checked, it was me who came up with this plan and invited them along for the ride!

So when she came to visit on Friday, as normal, I sat her down for a nice talk. I had figured out the best way to say what I needed to ad present her with the logic. Sponge is 75 which means his reaction times aren’t as good as someone my age. He has difficulty seeing and he would have to drive unfamiliar roads. I told her I didn’t feel safe doing it that way and asked why Sponge would change his mind at the last minute when he doesn’t feel confident in his driving anymore. The only answer she gave me was to tell me that didn’t know why he changed his mind, but she agreed with my logic and said she’d talk to him.

I have no idea why I thought she actually would…

Just the other day, she told me that she rented a vehicle (fine, I don’t need that extra cost) but guess what… Sponge is still insisting upon driving. Not only that, but she decided that we are leaving right after dinner to come home! Excuse me?! I am a grown ass woman of 52! Who the fuck is she to be telling me when I’m going to leave?! Absolutely not! I’m not a child; I decide the things I’m going to do! She’s held me back enough… So I did what any person in my position would do…

I called my sister…

I know my mother often times ignores what I have to say, either because she still sees me as a child, she chalks it up to me having a bipolar moment or because placating Sponge is just easier… He’s literally a big, incredibly noisy baby and she gives in all the time because she doesn’t want him going off on a tangent. And she expects me to placate him as well. After 40 years of this shit, I’m just exhausted and over it. I refused to deal with my mother and her selfish bullshit. So I called my sister, the one person I know my mother listens to, and vented to her about the current shit show…

My sister agreed with everything I vented… So she came up with this plan that she would pay for my room and one for my mother and Sponge, then call my niece and have her tell my mother that some of her guests couldn’t come and there were extra rooms, already paid for, if they wanted to stay overnight.

That didn’t work…

Heaven forbid that she should have to pack two change of clothing, a pair of pajamas and their pills… Plus she needs to be home in the morning to go buy lunchmeat for her and Sponge because, you know, the store doesn’t sell fucking lunchmeat once noon hits… Seriously, what the fuck is up with that?! Go buy lunchmeat some other time of day! Unbelievable…

I was more that done at that point… I decided to call my mother yesterday and I told her my niece texted me the same offer and I was taking her up on it. At that point, I didn’t care about the dangers of them driving. I wasn’t going to put up with this shit and their poor treatment of me.

So, once again, I called my sister. She was livid! And coming from someone who always keeps themselves so composed, you know she had to be pissed. We vented to each other about their stupidity, then she said she had to go make dinner, think about all this and would call me back.

I did not expect the call from my mother, telling me that my sister had just called her and gone completely nuclear on her… I had a hard time not laughing as she told me what was said. And, soon after I answered, I got a text from my sister telling me to call her, hahahaa! So after I got off the phone, I called and my sister confirmed what was said, the biggest of these being that she didn’t want them to have an accident and make her have to plan a funeral after her daughter’s wedding. My mother blew her off at first, but she soon realized my sister wasn’t fucking around… And she can’t dismiss it as a bipolar moment like she does with me because my sister is the most mentally stable person I know. Go figure…

Needless to say, she talked to Sponge and they agreed to stay over. Neither of them are happy about it, however. And I can almost guarantee that they’ll try to or succeed in skipping out and driving home right after the dinner because that’s what the big baby wants. And if they do, you know my sister and I are going to blow like Krakatoa…

I also vented to my sister about this behavior, treating me like a child and not allowing me to make my own decisions in this particular case…

I’m sure some of you know that my mother was the reason I couldn’t attend college and she admitted to lying to me in order to keep me at home so I could get a job and help her pay bills, support Sponge… I told my sister I felt like she robbed me of my future and her reply was, “She pretty much did…” You have no idea how wonderful that felt, to finally have someone validate the way I’ve been feeling since I was 17… I know that’s a long time to hold onto resentment, but it’s hard not to. I’ve wanted to be an animator since I was six years old; it’s all I ever wanted to be. I had it all planned out so I could go to school and live my dream. But my mother literally shattered that dream with her lies, all so she could keep me there and help her support lazy Sponge. I could have been something… instead I’m a nothing who lives in a shitty house in a shitty neighborhood and have been going nowhere my entire life… The point is, my mother has always been very selfish, except where Sponge is concerned… With him, she’s overly generous, giving in to absolutely everything just so he won’t think to leave. No matter that she sold herself and me into servitude by holding onto that thought process… It didn’t even cross her mind. probably because she wouldn’t let it.

And if you’re wondering why I’ve bothered to have a relationship with (and continue) to have one with a person who is obviously bat shit insane… I honestly don’t have an answer for you.

I suppose it’s because, in some really weird and unhealthy way, I have an attachment to her. That sounds weird and unhealthy to say it that way… But I think it’ the most accurate way to describe it. She’s a fucked up individual who really fucked me up over the years. And yet… I go out of my way, change my plans of what I want to do, all to make everyone as happy as I can. But that’s never enough for her. you know?

I can guarantee you, after this wedding is done and over, I’m seriously going to reevaluate my relationship with my mother. I’m convinced that my associating with her is more than toxic for me. If need be, I’ll cut off all ties with her. I did that once before, about 19 years ago. I didn’t talk to her for months, not even after my sister called, begging me to call my mother because she was going to her house crying about it…

Wish me luck this weekend, dear readers; I need it. In the meantime, enjoy my finished Labubu collection (for this series, at least). See you soon…